3rd grader is pooping herself for attention

[Anonymous]

DD has recently started pooping in her pants, seemingly for attention. My guess is this was caused by her baby sister being born, but that was six months ago and this "situation" has only been going on for about three weeks. At first I thought it was a one-time thing, but then she did it at school. The teacher had to call me because DD wasn't doing anything, she was just sitting there in her own poo doing her work like nothing was wrong. This has since happened five more times; three at school, two at home. I've tried to talk to DD about it, but she just pretends like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I'm so worried about the consequences this will have for her friendships; already she's been invited to less play dates. I don't know how to address this or what to do. Please give advice.

[Anonymous]

Your immediate dismissal of this as just because of a baby being born is alarming. Of course that is a possibility. But it’s only a possibility.

How have you not talked to school counselor, pediatrician, therapist? You know this is a potential sign of child abuse, particularly sexual abuse, right?

What the hell is wrong with you that you are self-diagnosing this, worried about play dates, and not caring for your child? Wake the eff up and get PROFESSIONAL help. Get off of DCUM.

Even if this is just “only” adjustment to a sibling, that is not normal, and you need to get PROFESSIONAL HELP FOR YOUR CHILD.

[Anonymous]

I think your child may have a stomach condition. Talk to GP

[Anonymous]

I’m no expert, but if she was doing it for attention, it would seem like she would call attention to it. I’d check with the pediatrician to find out if there’s a physical problem behind this.

[Anonymous]

Pediatrician: they can let you know if there is a physical condition and can assess if there is abuse.

[Anonymous]

The only 3rd grader I’ve known who did this did it during a long ski day at a place that had really filthy bathrooms, and on top of that he felt too nervous to speak up to the instructor to ask for a bathroom break. Worrying about the bathrooms in the days beforehand made him crazy constipated. After his accident, he then sat in his poop for the last hour of lessons because he didn’t know what to do.

I think it’s more likely that your kid got in over their head with anxiety that made it hard for them to deal with using the bathroom, and then they freaked out and panicked and tried to wish it away once they were in the reality of their accident. I mean, what else would you do? Stand up and announce it? It’s a rational way of dealing with a situation caused by really irrational thinking.

You’re going to have to clear your schedule, make someone else take the baby for the afternoon, and talk this through before you rush to the doctor or anything else.

[Anonymous]

The most alarming part of your post is where you say you attempt to talk about it with her and she acts like she has no idea what you’re talking about.

Say more about this. Like are you literally holding up the pooped underwear and she’s saying, “I don’t know whose that is…”

[Anonymous]

I am really surprised you seem sure this is about attention. Why would you think that?

What is going on with you family-wise? Is this a new marriage/half-sibling? Does your 3rd grader have a stepfather?

[Anonymous]

Look up Encopresis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up Encopresis.

This is probably the answer to have in mind once you start discussing possibilities with the doctor. If the doctor doesn’t bring it up as a possibility, I would not take anything else they say seriously.

[Anonymous]

I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

[Anonymous]

It’s probably chronic constipation. Although I think a third grader would notice what had happened even if they didn’t feel it in the moment. But probably they panicked and went into denial.

Honestly I wouldn’t tell this OP the truth about a problem either! It really sounds like you hate your kid. You have bigger problems than turds and playdates. Your kid is crying out for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pediatrician: they can let you know if there is a physical condition and can assess if there is abuse.

Ive heard this before but don't understand how abuse correlates to this does anyone know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

Omg you don’t punish a child by making them sit and wait for the laundry. Cost of behavior? WTF?! This is F’ed up advice.

[Anonymous]

Make sure there is nothing medical first. While you're at the doctor's office ask about a therapist.

The fact that she pretends nothing happened is really concerning, IMO. How can it be for attention?