3rd grader is pooping herself for attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

Omg you don’t punish a child by making them sit and wait for the laundry. Cost of behavior? WTF?! This is F’ed up advice.

+1

[Anonymous]

I remember I would deliberately crap my pants sometimes when I was a little girl. It's because I felt jealous of my baby sister getting more attention, similarly to OP's theory. If I was ever asked about it however I would deny, deny, deny, because I would just panic when confronted with the evidence and feel the need to lie and save my dignity. This ended when I realized that it was really silly for a big girl to be pooping herself like a baby all the time. But I would suggest a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think it’s more likely that your kid got in over their head with anxiety that made it hard for them to deal with using the bathroom, and then they freaked out and panicked and tried to wish it away once they were in the reality of their accident. I mean, what else would you do? Stand up and announce it? It’s a rational way of dealing with a situation caused by really irrational thinking.

Now, when my DD peed herself once in the kindergarten, she did stand up and announce it so that the teacher could tell her what to do! I think that's a lot more rational than just sitting in your own feces like OP's daughter is doing.

[Anonymous]

NO! This is a medical issue. You need to consult her pediatrician immediately.

You're a horrible parent for immediately thinking this poor child is doing it on purpose.

I hope you're a troll. Way to abuse your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up Encopresis.

+1 Baby was born 6 months ago and she is only doing this for three weeks? Highly unlikely she is acting out. You need to get her checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember I would deliberately crap my pants sometimes when I was a little girl. It's because I felt jealous of my baby sister getting more attention, similarly to OP's theory. If I was ever asked about it however I would deny, deny, deny, because I would just panic when confronted with the evidence and feel the need to lie and save my dignity. This ended when I realized that it was really silly for a big girl to be pooping herself like a baby all the time. But I would suggest a therapist.

How old were you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

What kind of work do you do, pp? Teacher, therapist, behaviorist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember I would deliberately crap my pants sometimes when I was a little girl. It's because I felt jealous of my baby sister getting more attention, similarly to OP's theory. If I was ever asked about it however I would deny, deny, deny, because I would just panic when confronted with the evidence and feel the need to lie and save my dignity. This ended when I realized that it was really silly for a big girl to be pooping herself like a baby all the time. But I would suggest a therapist.

She’s not that little. Third grade is 8 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pediatrician: they can let you know if there is a physical condition and can assess if there is abuse.

Ive heard this before but don't understand how abuse correlates to this does anyone know?

If you had that question in earnest you would Google it, but it seems like you want details spelled out here for your own pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Has someone mentioned encopresis?

Basically constipation causes you to leak, sometimes without realizing it. Constipation in kids can be due to diet and/or anxiety.

My autistic kid had that. He leaked. We addressed the constipation and the leaks disappeared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with children who did this. First of all, you need to take her to her pediatrician and then to a therapist. If she does it again, she needs to put on gloves and hand wash her underwear herself with your guidance, followed by you having her put it in the washer and dryer, while she sits next to the laundry machines with a book for the length of the cycles. This a “cost” of her behavior.

She needs to write her teacher a letter of apology for doing this in class, as it took away from the teacher’s normal duties to deal with this.

If she does it at home while on your furniture, she needs to be given a plastic chair to sit in, and only be allowed to sit in that seat at home, so that she can scrub it with cleanser if she does it again. This is a natural consequence.

If she ruins underwear or other clothing, she pays to replace it with her own money or by doing extra chores.

This is all if there is not a medical reason. You know best if this is likely on purpose, based on her personality and other behaviors. The new baby is now big enough to be affecting her much more than when it was an infant and just slept a lot.

Definitely line up a therapist.

Omg you don’t punish a child by making them sit and wait for the laundry. Cost of behavior? WTF?! This is F’ed up advice.

+1

This is actually very much recommended once it’s been determined to be intentional. You aren’t anywhere close to there yet though.

[Anonymous]

It could be various reasons why she is doing it, possibly for attention or she might have developed Encopresis, maybe she is doing it intentionally. You need to take her to a doctor and or therapy. I started doing it when I was a little older and my parents basically ignored it and made me wash my underwear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pediatrician: they can let you know if there is a physical condition and can assess if there is abuse.

Ive heard this before but don't understand how abuse correlates to this does anyone know?

When a child has been sexually abused, sometimes the brain will deal with the overwhelm by shutting down signals from this whole area of the body.

OP, if you are still reading: assuming she is developmentally typical, third grade is VERY late for this problem to be showing up for the first time accompanied by denial this strong. It would be much more typical for her to be terribly embarrassed, but not actually sitting there in her own poop.

Something is wrong and you need a pediatrician’s help to figure it out. Get her into the doctor’s office.

[Anonymous]

You need to cut out physical/digestive factors and dial in more on how she is feeling emotionally. Cut out milk, lactose intolerance common cause of GI issues. Make sure you are spending 1x1 time solely focused on her. Shame and depression are super damaging for young people, don’t reject her or bully her about this. Help her.

[Anonymous]

Pull ups. Extra pair in backpack. 3rd grade is old enough to change, wipe off, put poop one in baggie, baggie in backpack. Add some wipes if you want.