Longterm couples who aren't married and keep separate finances

[Anonymous]

It's fine, as long as they're ok with subsidizing/being subsidized or living at the level the poorer person can afford. It also means one person retires and the other keeps working.

Where it runs aground is assisted living-- if the lower wealth person needs an affordable facility, do you both go live there even if it's pretty awful? Or do you live separately and someone has to drive you to visit each other? There's not a good solution for this.

[Anonymous]

This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

Imagine if the genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

Why are you with him?

Companionship. Someone to have fun with. Sex. We also have a child together.

I don't view relationships as a safety net in case something happens to me. That's a terrible way to treat people.

Immature perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

Imagine if the genders were reversed.

Ok...

I imagine the frustration would likely be the same. NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

Imagine if the genders were reversed.

Ok... I'm imagining... now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

Why are you with him?

Companionship. Someone to have fun with. Sex. We also have a child together.

I don't view relationships as a safety net in case something happens to me. That's a terrible way to treat people.

Immature perspective.

+1.