Longterm couples who aren't married and keep separate finances

[Anonymous]

What do you do when someone gets seriously sick or disabled, or one person has significantly more assets than the other?

In my case, I have kids from an earlier marriage. I earn a little more and have more assets, despite being a little younger. My partner is a sweetheart but doesn't really think longterm. What happens if he can't work anymore? Or if I achieve FIRE earlier? In a marriage, one partner basically absorbs the other. So far we have agreed to not marry and not combine finances, but I have no idea how that looks longterm.

[Anonymous]

You reevaluate as life changes.

My sibling has been with her partner for 12 years - not married and separate finances. They just decided to do things differently now as it makes more sense as they near retirement and life changes.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to him.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it won’t be your legal responsibility
to do anything as partners

If he’s sick he’ll use his insurance and do what he wants vs or if he has kids they’ll be bothered and have a say.

Speak to him and a lawyer

[Anonymous]

He's on his own if he gets sick or disabled. Do you live together? You need your income and assets to raise your kids and retire someday.

[Anonymous]

Don't they have kids? In our case the kids and siblings worry about that, not the partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't they have kids? In our case the kids and siblings worry about that, not the partner.

+1

I think the cases I know of this have all been older folks (60+, often over 70) who are doing this for exactly this reason. Neither of them want to be someone’s caretaker, physically/financially/logistically. When one partner goes south, they’re out.

That sounds judgmental, but it’s truly not. Very reasonable path for people who enjoy a romantic commitment, but don’t want to exchange what could easily end up being a couple years of a lovely, loving relationship for 10+ years of caring for someone infirm.

[Anonymous]

I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't they have kids? In our case the kids and siblings worry about that, not the partner.

Siblings will be old, too.

[Anonymous]

We got married after 15 years but our finances were comparable.

[Anonymous]

If there is 100% trust, commitment and love, you do a medical POA and Power of attorney/transfer upon death/sole heir for surviving partner. A friend is going through this now with her older partner. She isn't dipping out as his life comes to an end. She is managing his affairs and arranging care. She does what she can, as she can. He won't leave much behind, but whatever is left is hers. His children were written out of the will decades ago and in all updates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

Why are you with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there is 100% trust, commitment and love, you do a medical POA and Power of attorney/transfer upon death/sole heir for surviving partner. A friend is going through this now with her older partner. She isn't dipping out as his life comes to an end. She is managing his affairs and arranging care. She does what she can, as she can. He won't leave much behind, but whatever is left is hers. His children were written out of the will decades ago and in all updates.

Good for her. In many cases unmarried women take care of much older men and get nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

I'm curious, what are your plans? My best friend is in this exact position and thinks she will enter assisted living. No children.

[Anonymous]

Marriage doesn’t really protect you from this. Lots of men in particular leave their wives if they get sick.