Is this crazy? (Staying in starter home)

[Anonymous]

I live in a small home (2 bed, 2 bath condo) but I think that's too small because teenagers need some measure of privacy. You can't expect 3 teens to share a bedroom and not resent you for not trying to do better, I'm sorry. My older sister has to share a room with me when she was in a freshman/sophomore in high school and I actually think it ruined our sibling relationship because she resented me so much for it (even though I had no control over the situation).

We do fine with 2 bedrooms because we only have one kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small home (2 bed, 2 bath condo) but I think that's too small because teenagers need some measure of privacy. You can't expect 3 teens to share a bedroom and not resent you for not trying to do better, I'm sorry. My older sister has to share a room with me when she was in a freshman/sophomore in high school and I actually think it ruined our sibling relationship because she resented me so much for it (even though I had no control over the situation).

We do fine with 2 bedrooms because we only have one kid.

One of my best friends in high school grew up with seven siblings (Catholic family in the 1970s) in a small Cape Cod. Her parents had the primary bedroom downstairs and their bathroom was also for visitors. The siblings shared the two bedrooms and single bathroom that made up the second floor. They are one of the closest and most loving families as adult children of anyone whom I know.

Housing in general used to be a lot smaller. We did just fine. If they are going to resent you, they are spoiled and need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Stay!! Time goes fast and your kids will be going to college before you know it. Longer term you’re better off in your smaller house. I’ve seen so many people upgrade to gigantic houses when their kids are in middle school only to downsize shortly after. All at huge expense.

[Anonymous]

1100 feet isn’t tiny especially if that does not include the garage. I’d stay put and prioritize upgrading the garage and maybe adding a bathroom if there is space for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are still in our starter home and our youngest is about to leave for college. Sometimes I wish we had a bigger host and could host out-of-town visitors, have parties, and host more than one family for dinner. The upside is that we paid off our mortgage more than 15 years ago which allowed us to save more for college and retirement. We will have a nice nest egg when we retire and a big part of it was not overextending ourselves on a mortgage

This is OP and this is my main qualm: I love hosting and really can’t in our house. We have a nice big outdoor space so I do host garden parties in the summer. But the pros that you list seem to vastly outweigh the cons. Saving more v spending more on a mortgage is a huge consideration.

Both of you can host. Set up a buffet and people can mingle while holding plates. Or set up a folding table for kids and 6 grown ups sit at the dining table for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve literally never lived in a house that small and I grew up LMC (but not here.) With 3 kids I think I’d at least want a 3rd bedroom and 2nd bathroom. Doesn’t have to be a giant house, but 1 bathroom!!!

Plenty of people live with only 1 bathroom and with 2-3 kids in a bedroom---that's what bunk beds are for. People in NYC live with 4-5 people in a 1 bedroom.

So the OP has outdoor space, they are fine.

however, I'd want a 2nd bathroom if you could add one once debt is paid off. Simply because the teenage years would be much easier that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small home (2 bed, 2 bath condo) but I think that's too small because teenagers need some measure of privacy. You can't expect 3 teens to share a bedroom and not resent you for not trying to do better, I'm sorry. My older sister has to share a room with me when she was in a freshman/sophomore in high school and I actually think it ruined our sibling relationship because she resented me so much for it (even though I had no control over the situation).

We do fine with 2 bedrooms because we only have one kid.

One of my best friends in high school grew up with seven siblings (Catholic family in the 1970s) in a small Cape Cod. Her parents had the primary bedroom downstairs and their bathroom was also for visitors. The siblings shared the two bedrooms and single bathroom that made up the second floor. They are one of the closest and most loving families as adult children of anyone whom I know.

Housing in general used to be a lot smaller. We did just fine. If they are going to resent you, they are spoiled and need to get over it.

This!! It's all in how the kids are raised. If you don't know anything different, you just accept life and are happy

[Anonymous]

I would pay off debt asap then buy a bigger house.

[Anonymous]

People living in such a huge houses today makes no sense. If you have debt it’s important to pay that down. What kids need is a stable home and love. Plenty of people do not have an entire room all to themselves.

If the teens need more privacy, maybe you could get a little shed out back and run an electric cord to it and put in beanbags or let them decorate it and stuff, fairy lights and whatnot, just a separate place to hang out like a clubhouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small home (2 bed, 2 bath condo) but I think that's too small because teenagers need some measure of privacy. You can't expect 3 teens to share a bedroom and not resent you for not trying to do better, I'm sorry. My older sister has to share a room with me when she was in a freshman/sophomore in high school and I actually think it ruined our sibling relationship because she resented me so much for it (even though I had no control over the situation).

We do fine with 2 bedrooms because we only have one kid.

No, your sister is mentally ill, that's all. I'm not American and where I'm from, families live in tiny spaces. It's the norm, and people don't end up hating their siblings because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small home (2 bed, 2 bath condo) but I think that's too small because teenagers need some measure of privacy. You can't expect 3 teens to share a bedroom and not resent you for not trying to do better, I'm sorry. My older sister has to share a room with me when she was in a freshman/sophomore in high school and I actually think it ruined our sibling relationship because she resented me so much for it (even though I had no control over the situation).

We do fine with 2 bedrooms because we only have one kid.

I was just running my college kid back to her college dorm after coming home for two nights. She's stressed, so I'll give her some grace for this, but it is not the first time I have heard it: She wishes we had had a bigger house. Even when she comes home, she feels like she can't study in her room or have a private conservation, because our house is too small for there to be any privacy. Ours is about 1700, 3 bedrooms, just 4 of us--2 adults, 2 kids. But it's hard not to be able host family. The kids never invited friends over because there was nowhere for them to hang out. I wanted to renovate an unfinished basement for them, but my husband wouldn't budge, so I am filled with resentment, and I hear it from my kids, too. Just giving you the flip side of the coin here. Sure, we have saved, but at what cost?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP that you’ll save yourself a ton of stress when you don’t need to downsize!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in a small home (2 bed, 2 bath condo) but I think that's too small because teenagers need some measure of privacy. You can't expect 3 teens to share a bedroom and not resent you for not trying to do better, I'm sorry. My older sister has to share a room with me when she was in a freshman/sophomore in high school and I actually think it ruined our sibling relationship because she resented me so much for it (even though I had no control over the situation).

We do fine with 2 bedrooms because we only have one kid.

I was just running my college kid back to her college dorm after coming home for two nights. She's stressed, so I'll give her some grace for this, but it is not the first time I have heard it: She wishes we had had a bigger house. Even when she comes home, she feels like she can't study in her room or have a private conservation, because our house is too small for there to be any privacy. Ours is about 1700, 3 bedrooms, just 4 of us--2 adults, 2 kids. But it's hard not to be able host family. The kids never invited friends over because there was nowhere for them to hang out. I wanted to renovate an unfinished basement for them, but my husband wouldn't budge, so I am filled with resentment, and I hear it from my kids, too. Just giving you the flip side of the coin here. Sure, we have saved, but at what cost?

I'm the PP with the 1200 sq ft house. When the kids were little, the neighbor kids always came over. We hosted parties in our house and (small backyard). 20-30 people. Now they're young adults and teens, they bring just a few friends. My college kid uses noise canceling headphones if his sister and her friends are too noisy, but if anyone's concentrating for something important like exam review, or taking a work call, etc, everyone else is quiet. It's all part of being respectful and having good manners.

You guys need to stop blaming your lack of space, and work on your social anxiety and social skills instead.

[Anonymous]

When the four of us share a hotel bathroom for a week of vacation, it’s very annoying. We literally have to plan out who is going to poop when. I don’t understand having only one toilet in a house for more than 2 people.

[Anonymous]

Same issue OP, though our house is more like 1800 sq ft for 5 people. There are times I wish we had more space to entertain a big group of people, had a garage or more storage, I had a bathroom with a double sink and a decent size closet in my room, but we also are mortgage free and live in a great area. The issue is finding a bigger house in our same neighborhood is at least $2.5 million, and we can’t make that work on an income that’s less than $400k. Or if we tried to, we’d have an enormous mortgage and no money for anything else.