Time with SO (but also am I overreacting?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could see if he spends all weekend every weekend with you that it'd be fine to go do something with his guy friends. And it wouldn't really bother me that we had sex first. HOWEVER the:

Reading to the kids and bailing on dinner (which TBH I don't believe)
Ignoring your texts
The rude texts
What it sounds like is zero regard for your feelings in all this

At best, guy sounds like a jerk. At worst guy sounds like a jerk and a cheater.

OP here and I am more mad about the sex thing because it was like, literally as soon as we were done he was like "Oh, my boss texted and wants to see if I wanted to go drink and watch the game!" So, great, you got the one part of the plans that your boss couldn't provide and then as soon as you got a better offer for company, you took that. Not even a "Hey, do you mind if I go? I know we just made plans but it would be good to see him out of the office."

To be clear, I do not think there was any cheating. Didn't even cross my mind. I think he actually did read to the kids and that's what pisses me off. Like, oh, she won't mind, it's 8:00 and I promised we'd hang out tonight, but what's a little story to my boss's kids.

Sex is just a part of being a couple, not a negotiation tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning when my boyfriend and I woke up, he wanted to have sex (I know that is TMI but it's important to my thought process here) and go to Eastern Market for lunch. As soon as we were done he checked his phone and his boss (who he is friends with, in addition to working together) had texted to see if he wanted to go to a bar and watch a game.

Already I am kind of annoyed because I feel like you just made plans with me but you got a better offer so as soon as I had sex with you, you bailed. He's like, we would just have lunch together and spend the day doing stuff independently anyway, what's the big deal? So, I was kind of annoyed but he assured me we would hang out tonight. I wound up getting stuff done around my apt. and talking to a friend on the phone, which admittedly is what I would've done after lunch anyway.

I don't hear from him all afternoon so I text at 6:30ish to see if we're at least going to have dinner together. I hear back over an hour later and he just says "Sorry, reading to Tom's kids." Wtf? I wound up just making dinner myself.

After some, I thought very rude texts from him, I said I would prefer to talk on the phone when he got home. He truly does not comprehend my thought process, which is a) you made plans with me this morning and canceled once you got sex and b) then made conciliatory plans with me that you clearly had no intention of keeping and c) due to both of us having intense jobs, we do not see each other during the week. I'm really annoyed he made plans with me and then I guess was playing babysitter for his boss, who he'll see all day tomorrow and every day this week and meanwhile I won't see him until Friday night.

He is of the opinion that "sometimes it's nice to spend time with guy friends" which I would normally be fine with except for the fact he canceled plans. If day drinking with his boss was the plan all along, I would be fine with it. I do things with friends on weekends too. It's not that he did something with a friend, it's that he canceled, made new plans, and then couldn't follow through on those either.

Am I massively overreacting?

You are overreacting. You aren't married nor do you live together so this controlling behavior is uncalled for.

Yup totally controlling to expect that a man keeps the plans he made with OP. GTFOH Peter Pan

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s not that into you. I’d move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all weird. And at that age if he is hanging out with other peoples kids, why isn't he busy making his own?

Kids are fun and free for an hour or two to watch but full responsibility of a kid 24/7 for 21 years is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lmao. Op is upset that her fornicator is not treating her with respect. This is proof that society has lost its mind now that fornication is being treated as a legitimate relationship.

What's your problem?

[Anonymous]

Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.

Men don't think sex is transactional, but they should know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This morning when my boyfriend and I woke up, he wanted to have sex (I know that is TMI but it's important to my thought process here) and go to Eastern Market for lunch. As soon as we were done he checked his phone and his boss (who he is friends with, in addition to working together) had texted to see if he wanted to go to a bar and watch a game.

Already I am kind of annoyed because I feel like you just made plans with me but you got a better offer so as soon as I had sex with you, you bailed. He's like, we would just have lunch together and spend the day doing stuff independently anyway, what's the big deal? So, I was kind of annoyed but he assured me we would hang out tonight. I wound up getting stuff done around my apt. and talking to a friend on the phone, which admittedly is what I would've done after lunch anyway.

I don't hear from him all afternoon so I text at 6:30ish to see if we're at least going to have dinner together. I hear back over an hour later and he just says "Sorry, reading to Tom's kids." Wtf? I wound up just making dinner myself.

After some, I thought very rude texts from him, I said I would prefer to talk on the phone when he got home. He truly does not comprehend my thought process, which is a) you made plans with me this morning and canceled once you got sex and b) then made conciliatory plans with me that you clearly had no intention of keeping and c) due to both of us having intense jobs, we do not see each other during the week. I'm really annoyed he made plans with me and then I guess was playing babysitter for his boss, who he'll see all day tomorrow and every day this week and meanwhile I won't see him until Friday night.

He is of the opinion that "sometimes it's nice to spend time with guy friends" which I would normally be fine with except for the fact he canceled plans. If day drinking with his boss was the plan all along, I would be fine with it. I do things with friends on weekends too. It's not that he did something with a friend, it's that he canceled, made new plans, and then couldn't follow through on those either.

Am I massively overreacting?

You are overreacting. You aren't married nor do you live together so this controlling behavior is uncalled for.

Yup totally controlling to expect that a man keeps the plans he made with OP. GTFOH Peter Pan

If it happens recurrently then may he but being so resentful over one incident and acting like sex was a service and wasn't paid for is what's overreacting. May be he didn't think of it as a big deal but since it is, communicate your expectations so both are on same page.

[Anonymous]

Just think of it from another perspective. If you were the man, and he was the woman, critics would say you don't respect her autonomy and career and are too needy and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just think of it from another perspective. If you were the man, and he was the woman, critics would say you don't respect her autonomy and career and are too needy and controlling.

so much idiocy on this site lately. and I mean you, PP.

[Anonymous]

What's your brilliant take on OP's issue?

[Anonymous]

How good was the sex for you, OP? It's impossible to answer without that information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An easy going man who has a good job and gets along well with his boss and likes kids? Break up immediately.

Day drinking with your boss for 12 hours is not a green flag lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all weird. And at that age if he is hanging out with other peoples kids, why isn't he busy making his own?

Yep! Every 37 year old needs kids!

Real talk, the boyfriend is in the wrong but there’s a big difference between being the fun uncle or dad’s friend and actually being a dad. He doesn’t have to get married and have kids just because he’s 37. He should be more respectful to his girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

It was disrespectful and inconsiderate. Spending time with you was not a priority for him. Can you describe the side texts? I gave a hunch that those would be a dealbreaker.

Is he a people-pleaser to a fault, with everyone but you?

[Anonymous]

^*rude texts