Married with regular virtual sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP: how did you meet? Tinder?

Really. I want someone like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

NP. I find this fascinating. How much weight did you lose? And did you lose it by eating less or exercising more? And what hobbies and interests did you do again that you didn’t do before? Why do you think you stopped doing them? And what exactly about the AP made you regain self esteem? Someone saying you’re hot? Or that he thought he loved you? I’m in the gained weight and got unhappy situation and curious about your change and whether I could get it without the AP.

20 pounds

Both eating better and exercise

Everything I did before marriage/kids that I gave up so I could be “present for the family”.

Stopped doing them because everyone complains. If I want to do a Tuesday evening class, H complains I’m not home to help, the kids complain, friends and family complain I’m selfish, etc.

It’s not that the AP had feelings. Thinking I’m hot probably helped some, although that’s not fully it.

I think I was just depressed because I felt stuck with no way out. H wasn’t interested in me but I wasn’t allowed to find someone who was. I wanted to go do the things that made me feel like me, but if I did, everyone complained or I’d come home to a disaster.

So really I think it’s just that it gave me a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I didn’t want to leave to be with AP, it let me see that I did have options. I could leave H and date someone else, I wasn’t stuck forever.

It’s also just a nice ego boost.

I’ll admit it is hard not to get sucked back down with H. We have sex, but he’s overall a low energy and unhappy person. So maybe that’s part of it too - it was just nice to be around someone high energy who didn’t drain me.

It took many years for me to realize but women do not really want sex but they WANT to be desired , and if you make her feel that she is desired, the walls come down and everything is possible. Then if you make sure she gets orgasms then your sick will start asking for a vacation

Make her feel desirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

NP. I find this fascinating. How much weight did you lose? And did you lose it by eating less or exercising more? And what hobbies and interests did you do again that you didn’t do before? Why do you think you stopped doing them? And what exactly about the AP made you regain self esteem? Someone saying you’re hot? Or that he thought he loved you? I’m in the gained weight and got unhappy situation and curious about your change and whether I could get it without the AP.

20 pounds

Both eating better and exercise

Everything I did before marriage/kids that I gave up so I could be “present for the family”.

Stopped doing them because everyone complains. If I want to do a Tuesday evening class, H complains I’m not home to help, the kids complain, friends and family complain I’m selfish, etc.

It’s not that the AP had feelings. Thinking I’m hot probably helped some, although that’s not fully it.

I think I was just depressed because I felt stuck with no way out. H wasn’t interested in me but I wasn’t allowed to find someone who was. I wanted to go do the things that made me feel like me, but if I did, everyone complained or I’d come home to a disaster.

So really I think it’s just that it gave me a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I didn’t want to leave to be with AP, it let me see that I did have options. I could leave H and date someone else, I wasn’t stuck forever.

It’s also just a nice ego boost.

I’ll admit it is hard not to get sucked back down with H. We have sex, but he’s overall a low energy and unhappy person. So maybe that’s part of it too - it was just nice to be around someone high energy who didn’t drain me.

It took many years for me to realize but women do not really want sex but they WANT to be desired , and if you make her feel that she is desired, the walls come down and everything is possible. Then if you make sure she gets orgasms then your sick will start asking for a vacation

Make her feel desirable.

Men want to feel desired too. Don't we all?

[Anonymous]

My former AP made me feel very desired. But, turn out to be that she would also do the same to other men. Played being a victim at home. After a few months now, clearly that was not the case. Sadly, she is a predator. Be careful out there.

[Anonymous]

Cheating is cheating. I’d absolutely feel “obliterated” if I found out my DH was doing this behind my back.

If you’re a s***ty person just own it. Leave your spouse. Divorce is ALWAYS an option, just the lazy selfish AHs who’d rather cheat are the ones who say otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
- When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well.

Wow, this sounds a lot like my situation. Except I decided to go more open, so have been having virtual sex off and on for years with a few dozen people (mostly men, but also some women).

It’s a huge ego boost and having multiple APs means I don’t feel too connected with any one of them. And like PP I keep identifying things hidden so I don’t think I can easily be blackmailed. So far, so good!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is cheating. I’d absolutely feel “obliterated” if I found out my DH was doing this behind my back.

If you’re a s***ty person just own it. Leave your spouse. Divorce is ALWAYS an option, just the lazy selfish AHs who’d rather cheat are the ones who say otherwise.

Divorce is not always an option. There are people who cannot have sex and have no intimacy with their spouse for various reasons, I'm not talking about someone who just doesn't want to either. Sometimes seeking love and affection outside the marriage is the best option for both parties believe it or not. Hopefully you aren't too dense to understand how that works. It often has nothing to do with being lazy selfish a'holes at all. Do you see literally everything in black and white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My former AP made me feel very desired. But, turn out to be that she would also do the same to other men. Played being a victim at home. After a few months now, clearly that was not the case. Sadly, she is a predator. Be careful out there.

Was she a predator? Why on Earth would you expect fidelity from a person you are having an AFFAIR with? That is so bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is cheating. I’d absolutely feel “obliterated” if I found out my DH was doing this behind my back.

If you’re a s***ty person just own it. Leave your spouse. Divorce is ALWAYS an option, just the lazy selfish AHs who’d rather cheat are the ones who say otherwise.

Divorce is not always an option. There are people who cannot have sex and have no intimacy with their spouse for various reasons, I'm not talking about someone who just doesn't want to either. Sometimes seeking love and affection outside the marriage is the best option for both parties believe it or not. Hopefully you aren't too dense to understand how that works. It often has nothing to do with being lazy selfish a'holes at all. Do you see literally everything in black and white?

If you love and respect someone, you don't lie to them. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My former AP made me feel very desired. But, turn out to be that she would also do the same to other men. Played being a victim at home. After a few months now, clearly that was not the case. Sadly, she is a predator. Be careful out there.

Was she a predator? Why on Earth would you expect fidelity from a person you are having an AFFAIR with? That is so bizarre.

PP needs to believe hos former AP is a predator to continue to pretend he is a victim.To justify his own cheating and shortcomings he created a narrative where he was forced to be with this other woman, they're were to poor souls saving each other. he was a good guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is cheating. I’d absolutely feel “obliterated” if I found out my DH was doing this behind my back.

If you’re a s***ty person just own it. Leave your spouse. Divorce is ALWAYS an option, just the lazy selfish AHs who’d rather cheat are the ones who say otherwise.

Divorce is not always an option. There are people who cannot have sex and have no intimacy with their spouse for various reasons, I'm not talking about someone who just doesn't want to either. Sometimes seeking love and affection outside the marriage is the best option for both parties believe it or not. Hopefully you aren't too dense to understand how that works. It often has nothing to do with being lazy selfish a'holes at all. Do you see literally everything in black and white?

If you love and respect someone, you don't lie to them. That's it.

Sometimes you do. Truth lives in the nuance, not in extremes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My former AP made me feel very desired. But, turn out to be that she would also do the same to other men. Played being a victim at home. After a few months now, clearly that was not the case. Sadly, she is a predator. Be careful out there.

Was she a predator? Why on Earth would you expect fidelity from a person you are having an AFFAIR with? That is so bizarre.

I guess you are right. She lied to me a lot, I believed her. Dropped her later, she did not like that. But then, I could see all the lies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My former AP made me feel very desired. But, turn out to be that she would also do the same to other men. Played being a victim at home. After a few months now, clearly that was not the case. Sadly, she is a predator. Be careful out there.

Was she a predator? Why on Earth would you expect fidelity from a person you are having an AFFAIR with? That is so bizarre.

I guess you are right. She lied to me a lot, I believed her. Dropped her later, she did not like that. But then, I could see all the lies.

How terrible of her to lie to you, GUY WHO WAS CHEATING ON HIS WIFE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re going to end up on PH where your kids teacher finds it and the whole school finds out.

what's ph

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating is cheating. I’d absolutely feel “obliterated” if I found out my DH was doing this behind my back.

If you’re a s***ty person just own it. Leave your spouse. Divorce is ALWAYS an option, just the lazy selfish AHs who’d rather cheat are the ones who say otherwise.

Divorce is not always an option. There are people who cannot have sex and have no intimacy with their spouse for various reasons, I'm not talking about someone who just doesn't want to either. Sometimes seeking love and affection outside the marriage is the best option for both parties believe it or not. Hopefully you aren't too dense to understand how that works. It often has nothing to do with being lazy selfish a'holes at all. Do you see literally everything in black and white?

If you love and respect someone, you don't lie to them. That's it.

What if your spouse is chronically ill with not only physical issues but also impaired mental capacity and you are their caretaker for nobody knows how many years into the future. What if you are not old but in your own midlife with this life and future to deal with. You may think this is rare but it is not, many people are in this situation. Should they not seek comfort outside the relationship for the occasional respite from this life? Should they be cruelly honest with the ill spouse about what they are doing? What would you have them do, I'm curious.