Would you be happy with "good enough?"

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound young. We are in our mid 40s and have much more money than we ever dreamed of. Yet we stay in the house we bought 11 years ago, and drive modest cars, because our values haven't changed. Our values are to avoid conspicuous consumption for moral and environmental reasons, and to give generously to charity. I would be very unhappy spending thousands of dollars a year on electronics or a new car or high end clothes. That's just not us.

[Anonymous]

Sounds good to me. I wouldn't see the point of spending tons of money on "the best" of everything. The rooms in the Pottery barn catalog aren't super original/unique but they look comfortable and nice, and that's how I like my home to look and feel. I would upgrade my house, though, so I could live closer-in and have a shorter commute and better school district. But I wouldn't buy a mini-mansion.

I would probably spend more money on clothes if I had it to spend. Not because I want visible labels or want people to know I can afford it, but because some of the nicer stuff is very good quality. I am very picky about quality fabrics, and high-quality fabrics (in the understated colors I like) can be hard to find at lower price points. I typically buy J Crew/Banana Republic, but would love to have the money for more Tahari, Dana Buchman, Calvin Klein, Armani, etc.

I have a single/childless friend who makes pretty good money for a non-lawyer/doctor (low six figures), and he buys a new Honda Accord every time he has to replace his car. I think he's on his fourth Accord. He has plenty of disposable income for a BMW or whatever, and most of our friends in his income category drive higher-end cars, but the Accord works for him. I think that's really cool.

[Anonymous]

My DH would love this thread. We live so below our means, it's comical. Not that I'm not thankful for not having to worry about paying our mortgage, but my poor DH could live in a straw hut and be happy. I don't believe money makes anyone "happy" but it certainly makes life easier. My DH has done very well for himself, but you'd never know by looking at our house and cars. Our home is beautiful, to us, but it's small by anyone's standards but it's paid off. We drive a Honda and Subaru. We know people that had the big house, the Mercedes and Land Rovers, and LOST EVERYTHING because they overextending themselves.

There's a neighbhorhood near our neighborhood that is full of $$$. DH and I had this very discussion last weekend because of one house in particular - the difference of "wealthy" vs. "rich". The simple difference between a rich person and a wealthy person is that a wealthy person has sustainable wealth. In other words, a wealthy person will always be wealthy, whereas someone who is merely rich will only be so for a short period of time until the money is gone. Wealthy people know how to make money. Rich people only "have" money.

[Anonymous]

Hell, I am pretty happy with not good enough... Good enough would make me sound like the double rainbow guy!

[Anonymous]

I like your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A really good friend of mine is nouveau riche/ top .01% upper class (her husband invented a product.) I am super impressed with how they have handled all of their new money. During the course of their lives together, they went from having to worry about paying bills to having enough money that their great-grandchildren will want for nothing. They have stayed in their same house but she did remodel it and then she redecorated it with Ethan Allen and Pottery Barn. Beautiful? Yes. Super high end? Not so much. When I asked her why she chose what she chose (this is a really good g.f.), she told me that it is what she's always liked and it was "good enough for her." Instead of getting some hot, expensive car, she bought the minivan she'd always had her eye on. Her gifts are incredibly thoughtful but in no way extravagant because she doesn't want friends and family to feel the need to reciprocate or feel uncomfortable accepting what she has for them.

I know that I've spent more than a few hours daydreaming of winning the lottery and what I'd do with the money; never once did I consider what would be "good enough." Have you?

Miss Manners would approve. Gift-giving can be a delicate thing because it does involve a power relationship and it is important to keep it somewhat equal. If you give something too extravagant, that person will feel the need to return the favor and spend more than they can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In my family---how LITTLE you pay for something nice is what you brag about it. I still can't receive a compliment without replying "$15 at TJ Maxx'.

I do that too. I'm sure other people find it annoying but it makes a unique piece of clothing even more special if I got it at Goodwill for $8!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18:49 - you sound like old money. There is not much of that in the D.C. area; and this board hates the term because of that. Most in this area are living beyond their means in an effort to look like something they are not (along with their puffed chests and nitpicking).

I know people that constantly complain about money, when their solution is staring them in the face. ie: can't pay your bills but *have to* have private school for your kids? Really?!?! WTF?

PP, I wish I knew you, as we are in the same situation. OP, I also wish I knew your friend. Be a good friend to her and don't assume anything. Be there for her, and do not resent what you think she has. She has her priorities straight. That is a good person. That is tough to find in the D.C. area.

By "old money" do you mean you or your husband inherited that? Not sure why that would demand more respect than someone who (gasp) actually worked for an education and career that EARNED money. Nothing wrong with having a trust fund but it sure as hell doesn't make you better than anyone, and thinking it does is the very definition of snob. So if that is not what you mean, please do clarify.

Relax. I am 18:49 and I get what the poster means. I guarantee it is certainly not to disparage anyone that worked hard and earned their $--which is what my DH and I did anyways. The whole 'new$", "old$" is debated on here all of the time. The fact is you can be 'old$' and trashy---look at many of today's bimbo, slutty socialites and you can be 'new $" and discreet.

There are tons of folks that are out to impress and one-up no matter how much they have to max out their multiple credit cards to do it.

Sorry - I screwed my post up - let me try again:

I get that, but am I missing a definition of old money? I did think it meant inherited wealth from generations...I'm from Virginia (not northern Virginia) and that is what it meant growing up. People had "old money" and some were from "Old VA Families."

If she is just using the term to mean how you ACT with your money rather than how you earned it, I'd be interested in knowing that. I honestly hadn't heard it that way....is that what you guys mean?

You have the correct definition of "old money" and it is sustainable wealth for at least five or six past generations. They don't waste money on buying something new when something old is still servicable. They buy to last and take care of what they have.

[Anonymous]

I'd say most of my life I've strived for "good enough" I've never understood the need to have the latest and greatest thing. Heck, my cleaning style is "just good enought to avoid embarressment.

That's not to say I wouldn't spend some money foolishly - it just wouldn't be on a fancy car or fancy furniture. I swear - I could blow all my money at Target.

[Anonymous]

"good enough" material goods? Um, yes. Your friend sounds very smart to always be living below her means and not putting value on material goods.

"Good enough" relationships. No. Something that can always be worked on and improved.

[Anonymous]

Would the responses be different if this were a couple years ago before the economic collapse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living below our means has been the key to our happiness. Seriously.

"Good enough"? I aim for good quality (except with this very odd obsession with Target t-shirts; they melt after a few washings but I just can't seem to help myself), but can't stand large quantities of things.

I have a single go-to purse; each season, I wear one shoe (and usually, it's been that season's go-to shoe for years). We have a nice bedroom set, for example---basic, very, very good quality. I got it from my parents when they moved/downsized. I'm going to die with this set. I just can't see myself investing in another when this one is "good enough."

My husband, not perfect, but hell, he's "good enough" so I think I'll keep him. Hopefully he feels the same about me!

My brother spends his money very differently, constantly "upgrading" which to me looks like buying the same stuff over and over again.

We don't make but a teeny fraction of what I imagine most DCUM posters bring in each year, but I feel that we live well.

I love hearing stories of people living below their means and not spending money on frivolous items, but please consider splurging a little. Buy that second shoe! Your foot that is now going barefoot because you only wear one shoe will thank you! Especially with the colder weather approaching.

The money you are saving by only getting one shoe will be going towards doctor co-pays after all the problems your little footsie will have walking around without a shoe.

So yes, splurge! Buy that extra shoe darnit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would the responses be different if this were a couple years ago before the economic collapse?

Mine would have been the same. (Moderate adjustments only. Same house, same job, lots more travel.)

And I'm giggling at 17:16!

[Anonymous]

It's great so many are living within or below their means but remember that our economy is based on 2/3? consumer spending. We can't get out of the recession without consumer confidence and consequently, spending. Though I guess our overspending and lavish lifestyles helped get us where we now.