Would you be happy with "good enough?"

[Anonymous]

A really good friend of mine is nouveau riche/ top .01% upper class (her husband invented a product.) I am super impressed with how they have handled all of their new money. During the course of their lives together, they went from having to worry about paying bills to having enough money that their great-grandchildren will want for nothing. They have stayed in their same house but she did remodel it and then she redecorated it with Ethan Allen and Pottery Barn. Beautiful? Yes. Super high end? Not so much. When I asked her why she chose what she chose (this is a really good g.f.), she told me that it is what she's always liked and it was "good enough for her." Instead of getting some hot, expensive car, she bought the minivan she'd always had her eye on. Her gifts are incredibly thoughtful but in no way extravagant because she doesn't want friends and family to feel the need to reciprocate or feel uncomfortable accepting what she has for them.

I know that I've spent more than a few hours daydreaming of winning the lottery and what I'd do with the money; never once did I consider what would be "good enough." Have you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A really good friend of mine is nouveau riche/ top .01% upper class (her husband invented a product.) I am super impressed with how they have handled all of their new money. During the course of their lives together, they went from having to worry about paying bills to having enough money that their great-grandchildren will want for nothing. They have stayed in their same house but she did remodel it and then she redecorated it with Ethan Allen and Pottery Barn. Beautiful? Yes. Super high end? Not so much. When I asked her why she chose what she chose (this is a really good g.f.), she told me that it is what she's always liked and it was "good enough for her." Instead of getting some hot, expensive car, she bought the minivan she'd always had her eye on. Her gifts are incredibly thoughtful but in no way extravagant because she doesn't want friends and family to feel the need to reciprocate or feel uncomfortable accepting what she has for them.

I know that I've spent more than a few hours daydreaming of winning the lottery and what I'd do with the money; never once did I consider what would be "good enough." Have you?

She sounds mature and knows that a McMansion, Mercedes, and the other status symbols are nothing but things. You are lucky to have such a down-to-earth friend who isn't flaunting her wealth and acting like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

I think when you are blessed to have a lot of whatever, you need to keep things in balance. Even if we won the lottery, we would still work (maybe different jobs) so that we would continue contributing, setting a good example to DC and remain productive.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've had those lottery fantasies, and always figured I'd stay in my house and make improvements, keep my kid in her current school, and keep my job but maybe go part time. I'd get a reliable but not flashy car, like a volvo. I'd buy more and nicer clothes. I'd get housecleaning and yard help. I'd take longer, nicer vacations.

And that would be good enough for me.

[Anonymous]

Read the book the Millionaire Next Door. It will be an eye opener on this very topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A really good friend of mine is nouveau riche/ top .01% upper class (her husband invented a product.) I am super impressed with how they have handled all of their new money. During the course of their lives together, they went from having to worry about paying bills to having enough money that their great-grandchildren will want for nothing. They have stayed in their same house but she did remodel it and then she redecorated it with Ethan Allen and Pottery Barn. Beautiful? Yes. Super high end? Not so much. When I asked her why she chose what she chose (this is a really good g.f.), she told me that it is what she's always liked and it was "good enough for her." Instead of getting some hot, expensive car, she bought the minivan she'd always had her eye on. Her gifts are incredibly thoughtful but in no way extravagant because she doesn't want friends and family to feel the need to reciprocate or feel uncomfortable accepting what she has for them.

I know that I've spent more than a few hours daydreaming of winning the lottery and what I'd do with the money; never once did I consider what would be "good enough." Have you?

Warren Buffet still lives in a house he bought 35 years ago. Having a lot of money is nice and it smoothes out a lot of the pitfalls in life but it is true that it doesn't bring you happiness. Also, she isn't settling for something less than what she wanted. She remodeled her house and redecorated and furnished it the way she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Your friend sounds very grounded. Good for her, and good for you to have such a good friend.

[Anonymous]

So my lottery fantasy always involves having large college savings accounts for the kids, retirement for us, paying off the house, keeping our existing standard of living with me staying home and DH working a reduced 80% schedule, upgrading his grandmother's house/care, retirement for the kids if we won a lot of money, a VolvoXC70, extended family vacation with aunts/uncles/cousins to Disney and other not so exciting or posh things.

[Anonymous]

Sounds sensible to me.

I think there has been actual research that shows if you have X amount of money, you will think you need just a bit more to REALLY feel like you have enough.

The trap that some people would fall into when they get more money, is that they buy a more expensive house, a more expensive car, etc. and then you really don't have much more money because you have upped everything. So if you make $500K a year and spend that on your mortgage, cars, nice things, vacations, etc., and you lose your job, you are no better off than someone who makes $100K and loses their job really. Your expensive car has depreciated, may be even harder to sell the expensive home in this economy, etc.

So your friend sounds like she is doing the right thing by treating herself without going overboard. I personally don't think "expensive" always means nicer either, for some things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds sensible to me.

I think there has been actual research that shows if you have X amount of money, you will think you need just a bit more to REALLY feel like you have enough.

The trap that some people would fall into when they get more money, is that they buy a more expensive house, a more expensive car, etc. and then you really don't have much more money because you have upped everything. So if you make $500K a year and spend that on your mortgage, cars, nice things, vacations, etc., and you lose your job, you are no better off than someone who makes $100K and loses their job really. Your expensive car has depreciated, may be even harder to sell the expensive home in this economy, etc.

So your friend sounds like she is doing the right thing by treating herself without going overboard. I personally don't think "expensive" always means nicer either, for some things.

"People say money doesn't buy happiness. Except, according to a new study from Princeton University's Woodrow Wilson School, it sort of does — up to about $75,000 a year. The lower a person's annual income falls below that benchmark, the unhappier he or she feels. But no matter how much more than $75,000 people make, they don't report any greater degree of happiness."

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,2016291,00.html

[Anonymous]

I have to say, if we came into significant amounts of money, both DH and I agree that we would move somewhere else and not work. We wouldn't live extravagantly, but we'd like to be in a place by the water (and categorically farther north than here) where we could eat well and pursue things that are currently relegated to hobbies for us (arts, writing, gardening, travel, hiking, biking). He loves his job, but in the context of "given that I need to have a job"; we already live minimally on one income so that I could quit my job and pursue other work. We would still plan for retirement and our child, but neither of us has ever been a person whose identity is tied up in their work (and both of us have multiple advanced degrees, so it's not a lack of specialization or interest in topic areas that leads to that). And we certainly wouldn't be wearing designer clothes or driving luxury cars or buying a bigger house, just shifting the way we live now to an environment that gave us more options to pursue the things we love to do.

[Anonymous]

WTF?? I am exactly like your friend. Labels and designer logos and car hood ornaments totally don't impress me. Most of the time they don't even represent the best quality.

Your friend sounds like the type of person that I would hang out with. I have some seriously wealthy relatives and they have been known to buy used cars and didn't have AC in their Connecticut home until about 5 years ago.

Material things are not what matters. Our HHI is more than I ever imagined having ~550k range and I drive a 5 year old Honda (paid in full) and my husband drives an 8-year old Jetta....but mostly we walk. I shop at the Gap and JCrew outlets. My husband get his clothes once a year at the BananaRepublic outlet on the way back from Rehoboth. We look good-but we don't spend a lot of $. My 2 boys wear all the hand-me downs from my sister's 3 boys. Our furniture is also potterybarn and crateandbarrel and ikea. Expendable income we have goes into savings and if I had a crazy amount like your friend I would donate to a lot of the causes I feel strongly about.

[Anonymous]

18:49 - you sound like old money. There is not much of that in the D.C. area; and this board hates the term because of that. Most in this area are living beyond their means in an effort to look like something they are not (along with their puffed chests and nitpicking).

I know people that constantly complain about money, when their solution is staring them in the face. ie: can't pay your bills but *have to* have private school for your kids? Really?!?! WTF?

PP, I wish I knew you, as we are in the same situation. OP, I also wish I knew your friend. Be a good friend to her and don't assume anything. Be there for her, and do not resent what you think she has. She has her priorities straight. That is a good person. That is tough to find in the D.C. area.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws aren't quite where your friends are, but they have quite a bit of money (I'm not sure exactly how much, but I know that FIL has made seven figures for the past 5 years or so). Anyway, they are VERY down to earth. They drive a CR-V and Accord, paid cash for their modest home, decorated it from regular furniture stores including Ikea, and my MIL does most of her shopping at Kohl's, Macy's, etc.

They got married when they were 17 and 18, and FIL was in the military. Their first apartment was over a bus station. After that, he started in a blue collar field, but has since worked his way up to be VP of a very large company. They're very generous people, although they don't buy fancy gifts, either.

Their attitude about personal possessions is like OP's friend -- they're not really into labels or fancy cars or w/e; Ikea and Kohls are "good enough." I think they're the type of people that realized that they were pretty happy even when they didn't have tons of money and (apart from moving away from the bus station) haven't really felt the need to change their lifestyle just because they can.

I think I'd probably be somewhere in the middle. On certain things (cars, especially) I could care less. On others (travel) I'd enjoy being able to splurge.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'd be happy with 'good enough'
I am not superrich, and have been known to have house envy, lottery envy, etc
But I find I am not comfortable among people who live for labels or one-up-manship; a colleague whose kids are in private school constantly chastises me for settling, yet I think I am happier where I am, not worried that someone will see me shopping at JCPenney, and making a decent contribution to my kids' college funds.