Torn about custody

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're in a regional district school area, which I am too. We live in the furthest town away from the high school, and it's still only 25 min. How far away do you live that you're in their school district for their higher grade levels but so far that getting more days would be so disruptive? I guess I'm not completely understanding how on one hand youre acting like you moved hours away but on the other hand it doesn't seem like it's that far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I should've explained that their dad *asked* me to move to this particular area because he was going to move there in the summer. When I balked, he threatened to take our special needs kid out of her school, so I went. The time away from them was meant to be temporary - I didn't understand how low he would go with his lies, and that as soon as I moved out he would capitalize on it and reneg on what he said.

I know I know, I was dumb. I filed shortly after.

So this was 2 years ago? Sounds like you should be looking to move back by now.

OP - I have a lawyer now. It's not advised to move right now. I'm actually still in the oldest's school district and all kids as they get older will be in my area eventually which is why I moved here, so I could be close to them. I'm just not in the elementary district, which has astronomical prices ($3 million median home). I'm not really looking for legal advice. Just for commiseration on the system and how it seems like doing the "right things" screwed me over. If I could go back I would've not gotten a job, stayed in the house and filed for divorce instead of separating. I did not protect myself and basically jeopardized my custody by relying on his word and trying to be independent.

You should have had a job the whole time. You should not have given up your job in the first place. You put yourself in this situation by having fewer resources.

OP - Yes I agree. Quitting my job was part of XH’s manipulation. He wanted me to take care of the kids during the pandemic. I never should’ve quit, it opened me up to being extremely vulnerable to financial abuse.

I am pretty reflexively pro-woman, but you need some tough love. You made choices. Getting married. Having kids. Quitting your job. Moving. You can call it manipulation or you can accept that you made these choices, dig deep to figure out why, and make concrete decisions moving forward.

Life is happening to you, but you need to happen to life.

[Anonymous]

She has a therapist. Why is OP here ?
and a lawyer why is OP here ?

It’s not regular

[Anonymous]

Can you ask for mediation?

[Anonymous]

Given you have them all weekend every weekend and one evening a week, you probably do have almost as much time with them as he does. Since they are school age, he is only with them after school to bedtime and mornings on weekdays.

I would stick with the schedule for now. You get a lot of time with them and they have the stability of a primary residence and school.

That might change as they get older and have social and extracurricular things on the weekends near their primary home. But for now, if it is working, stick with it.

[Anonymous]

What do you want it changed to? You have them every weekend and one day a week after school until bedtime. He has them 4 days a week after school and one day a week at bed time. Which is good for them to be at the same house for school in the AM.

Seems like you have the better deal. You get the fun days. He gets the homework and activity days. You have more hours with him unless he's home with them after school.

It seems like you're spending money to get partial custody but in the end will probably have to do every other weekend and then shuttle your kids to school on the weekdays you have them which means everyone has to get up early to get off to school.

Just seems more disruptive to the kids while also being less beneficial to you. But I'm not sure if I'm misinterpreting what it is that you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I should've explained that their dad *asked* me to move to this particular area because he was going to move there in the summer. When I balked, he threatened to take our special needs kid out of her school, so I went. The time away from them was meant to be temporary - I didn't understand how low he would go with his lies, and that as soon as I moved out he would capitalize on it and reneg on what he said.

I know I know, I was dumb. I filed shortly after.

So this was 2 years ago? Sounds like you should be looking to move back by now.

OP - I have a lawyer now. It's not advised to move right now. I'm actually still in the oldest's school district and all kids as they get older will be in my area eventually which is why I moved here, so I could be close to them. I'm just not in the elementary district, which has astronomical prices ($3 million median home). I'm not really looking for legal advice. Just for commiseration on the system and how it seems like doing the "right things" screwed me over. If I could go back I would've not gotten a job, stayed in the house and filed for divorce instead of separating. I did not protect myself and basically jeopardized my custody by relying on his word and trying to be independent.

Is this for real? What elementary school district has $3 million median home prices? Our elementary area is pretty expensive but a lot of divorced parents end up renting a basement room or finding some situation very close by. One group of divorced parents actually rented a home together.

[Anonymous]

OH wait. I just read that you are with your family every weekend. Can you come to peace with that?

Who is advising you that is not okay? I donly understand your doubts. Who/where are the doubts coming from?

Divorced families (we NEED another word to describe this , kind people) - never look like other families. They are different —and should not be compared

ps I don’t use the word co parenting. It’s just “parenting.” Nothing special

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has a therapist. Why is OP here ?
and a lawyer why is OP here ?

It’s not regular

I don’t get it? She has a therapist and she feels torn so she is getting advice here ?