Open marriage... can this work?

[Anonymous]

It's more common than you think, especially on the Big Island of Hawaii.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The sanctity of marriage is gone.

Uh, when was it ever present?

When they took a vow/oath.

[Anonymous]

They are no better than animals.

DUH- We are part of the animal kingdom oh brilliant one.

To the OP-

Open marriages are fine, IF it s a marriage that starts out that way.

It seems as though the two referred in your post came to this conclusion after they each cheated on one another and are now staying together, for the sake of the kids. So therefore they have decided it is alright to have sex with other people while remaining in their marriage. That does not seem right.

I know people in open marriages. They are truly in love with each other and very happy.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Open marriages/relationships can work, but not as a "last resort" after both partners have cheated on each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God you people are uptight.

Except for poster who gave the 'twat' definition - that was funny.

By the way, to the PP who said that "only animals have indiscriminate partners," first of all, that is blatantly wrong, and you know nothing about animal biology to not know that animals absolutely have preferences (mainly the females) and discriminate. Do you not know about darwinian evolution?

Second of all, humans are animals.

Yes, humans were once animals, but people are different. Believe whatever you like, but know this one fact for certain, those who have sex like animals will always be treated like animals by people.

[Anonymous]

Yes, humans were once animals, but people are different. Believe whatever you like, but know this one fact for certain, those who have sex like animals will always be treated like animals by people.

You are an idiot and will never have GOOD sex.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how this could possibly work with children in the mix. No matter how secretive you try to be about it, the kids will eventually find out and it will tarnish them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this could possibly work with children in the mix. No matter how secretive you try to be about it, the kids will eventually find out...

How does this work again?

...and it will tarnish them.

PP will make sure of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this could possibly work with children in the mix. No matter how secretive you try to be about it, the kids will eventually find out...

How does this work again?

...and it will tarnish them.

PP will make sure of it.

I'm not sure I even get your point. Kids snoop around the house/computers/cell phones. My siblings and I snooped on our parents and I know my friends used to snoop on their parents. So, the odds of them going their whole lives and not knowing their parents were screwing around are pretty slim. I can't imagine this not impacting their children in some way.

[Anonymous]

Judging from the responses, this is not the right forum to get feedback on this idea. Reach out to people who have had successful or unsuccessful open marriages or relationships, and remember that trust and communication are key. I know one open marriage that failed (lacking communication) and one open relationship that is thriving, but neither are useful for you since they don't involve children. I personally believe it would be workable, again with communication to the spouse an the children, but your best place to find that information is a live or online forum that caters to open relationships.

[Anonymous]

Yes, humans were once animals, but people are different. Believe whatever you like, but know this one fact for certain, those who have sex like animals will always be treated like animals by people.

First- It is sad to know that you equate the value of life of an animal, that is non human beneath your own.

Also a little FACT for you. Many NON-human animals mate for life, then die alone after their mate dies. So get your facts right.

It is sad that people can not keep their minds open for general discussion about certain topics. If you do not agree with it then keep your mouth shut and move on. Or allow your open mind to explore the discussion. But do not condemn people to hell for what they believe or are interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One other point that Dan Savage made is that no one ever hears about the successful open marriages, because everyone assumes they're "closed". Same way that, in America, "everyone's Christian"--or at least religious.

The sum of your assumptions do not constitute "reality."

But don't gay men culturally have a different relationship to sex than most women?

My 2 cents, better the parents got their kicks swinging than having actual relationships outside the marriage and it's something they would do together. But, still, ick. I don't think the marriage is going to last. OP wouldn't the better course be to do some pretty intensive therapy to find out why they are making the choices they are? So often it isn't really about the sex but about fear of intimacy that makes more anonymous sex more appealing. Or the adults have untreated ADD which makes impulse control more difficult. Or undiagnosed bipolar disorder which causes them to act out sexually and to do a lot of risk taking.

Maybe when the parents split they could do that arrangement where the kids stay in the house and the parents rotate in and out. They could share a bachelor/bachelorette pad in their "off" time and keep their shennanegans from the kids entirely.

[Anonymous]

I know one open marriage that's in trouble because the wife's developed feelings for the man she got involved with and this troubles the husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, humans were once animals, but people are different. Believe whatever you like, but know this one fact for certain, those who have sex like animals will always be treated like animals by people.

First- It is sad to know that you equate the value of life of an animal, that is non human beneath your own.

Also a little FACT for you. Many NON-human animals mate for life, then die alone after their mate dies. So get your facts right.

It is sad that people can not keep their minds open for general discussion about certain topics. If you do not agree with it then keep your mouth shut and move on. Or allow your open mind to explore the discussion. But do not condemn people to hell for what they believe or are interested in.

Think with your head, not with your genitals. Your indiscriminate sex is bad for you and even worse for your children. Have self-control and dignity. Exercise deferred gratification and love your family more than yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, humans were once animals, but people are different. Believe whatever you like, but know this one fact for certain, those who have sex like animals will always be treated like animals by people.

First- It is sad to know that you equate the value of life of an animal, that is non human beneath your own.

Also a little FACT for you. Many NON-human animals mate for life, then die alone after their mate dies. So get your facts right.

It is sad that people can not keep their minds open for general discussion about certain topics. If you do not agree with it then keep your mouth shut and move on. Or allow your open mind to explore the discussion. But do not condemn people to hell for what they believe or are interested in.

It is sad that you see yourself above everything else. We humans can learn a lot from the animal kingdom but our heads are too far up our a$$'s to see that. We, for whatever reason, feel we are better than animals (even though we ARE animals). We are no better or worse...merely different.