Burying the dead is one of the corporal acts of mercy so I need some help understanding this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is so immersed in their resentment that they can't even come up with the relevant facts.

It sounds like a family problem, which commonly happens when a relative passes away. This needs to be addressed with the family member and not crowd sourced on an anonymous forum.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you really want someone you dislike this much eulogizing your deceased loved one?

He probably doesn’t want to get involved in the drama. He can tell there is going to be lots of drama. Unfortunately you aren’t going to let him escape that easily and are making the drama anyway!!! Lucky him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is so immersed in their resentment that they can't even come up with the relevant facts.

It sounds like a family problem, which commonly happens when a relative passes away. This needs to be addressed with the family member and not crowd sourced on an anonymous forum.

DCUM is all about family problems! But we can only help if the problem is clearly laid out, and OP is unable to clarify essential facts.

[Anonymous]

Did anyone ASK the minister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

Oh wow can I relate. You can’t understand because it is unfathomable. We think family shares a value system but they don’t. This is a lesson I wish I had learned years ago.

[Anonymous]

OP: This is a rough crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: This is a rough crowd.

No, it’s a crowd that has no idea what the family member is thinking. If there was any semblance of a healthy family dynamic, op would ask the family member-pastor instead of asking strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: This is a rough crowd.

All we're asking is for an initial post that lays out all the facts, instead of a vague whine fest.

Was this minister asked? If he said no, does OP know the reasons?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to do everything this relative asked for (and didn't plan or pay for). You are kind for contributing for the cremation and a small simple service at the funeral home. Anything more than that is unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

Your relative is not adhering to the teachings of Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

Your relative is not adhering to the teachings of Christ.

It’s possible that the relative has already committed to another person at that time period, or has a doctor appointment, or some other appropriate reason. Since op is attacking their relative on the internet and not communicating with the relative in good faith or considering other possible reasons, your assumption is wildly inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Catholics and non-denominational protestants have different beliefs about funerals and burying the dead.

Your relative's church is probably not available for free for non-members. A non-denominational church (and the pastor) are not subsidized by a central hierarchy like the catholic church is. We had my grandmother's funeral service at a non-denominational church (she was not a member of a church). We were expected to make a significant donation to the church in exchange for the church facility and pastor's services.

[Anonymous]

Never heard of a non-denominational christian that requires a religious ceremony to honor the dead. Just hold a memorial service in someone's backyard. You don't need a minister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Catholics and non-denominational protestants have different beliefs about funerals and burying the dead.

Your relative's church is probably not available for free for non-members. A non-denominational church (and the pastor) are not subsidized by a central hierarchy like the catholic church is. We had my grandmother's funeral service at a non-denominational church (she was not a member of a church). We were expected to make a significant donation to the church in exchange for the church facility and pastor's services.

+1

Op wants stuff for free from a relative. The relative can’t give free stuff to op, even though it’s for a family member. Because it’s misuse of the church’s money. Op is throwing a fit and calling their relative a bad person because he won’t misuse the church members donations and resources to benefit her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

I’ll illuminate: you are asking pastors (who are your relatives) for free use of a church facility, free use of their time, free everything, at 2 churches where neither you or the deceased were members. Get a clue.