Burying the dead is one of the corporal acts of mercy so I need some help understanding this.

[Anonymous]

We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

[Anonymous]

Was the deceased a member of the congregation, or even of the denomination?

[Anonymous]

Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was the deceased a member of the congregation, or even of the denomination?

Non-denominational church. The deceased was not a member of the congregation.

Most religious communities willingly do this final service for the deceased relatives of congregants and clergy, even if they are unable to accommodate unaffiliated people. My own community (which is three hours away from the deceased) does this all the time for congregants and clergy. And when my ex husband died, his service and burial was by a religious community with whom we had zero prior connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

I’m not looking for a solution, but a way of understanding how a minister reconciles their refusal to assist with the belief that we are called to bury the dead.

[Anonymous]

That might be a catholic thing, or specific to your faith. In my church, we don’t have the body or casket present, and we call it a memorial service.

[Anonymous]

You say he did not offer, but did you ask? It's possible he did not offer because the deceased was not a member of that congregation and did not want to impose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

So, he didn’t offer and nobody asked either, or he was asked and declined?

“Transporting the deceased an hour away.”

You mean driving an hour with a cardboard box or an urn on the floor in the back.

Does not seem all that burdensome.

I commend your and your family members’ genuine charity. There are people who won’t do what you did for your decedent. But if nobody asked the nearby relative, maybe they should. And if he won’t do it, then the optional place seems easier than fathoming the motives of a clergyman who doesn’t want to do a particular funeral.

[Anonymous]

Was the deceased of the same religion as the person in question or otherwise share beliefs? Because if not, it would be disrespectful to the deceased to have a religion he was not a part of involved in his service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

Not a bad idea.

OP - sounds like you're angry with the family member clergy person for not volunteering to do the funeral. Other pp's are right in asking if he knows about the death and your quandary. If he doesn't, tell him and ask him to do the burial service. If he refuses, or has already knowingly not stepped up, then he's a bad guy, despite being clergy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

I’m not looking for a solution, but a way of understanding how a minister reconciles their refusal to assist with the belief that we are called to bury the dead.

???
Bury doesn’t equal church service.
Minister may have their own stuff going on.
You should ask directly instead of whining on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

Not a bad idea.

OP - sounds like you're angry with the family member clergy person for not volunteering to do the funeral. Other pp's are right in asking if he knows about the death and your quandary. If he doesn't, tell him and ask him to do the burial service. If he refuses, or has already knowingly not stepped up, then he's a bad guy, despite being clergy.

+1 don't expect him to read your mind. Ask and if he says no accept that (feel free to silently judge him if you want to) and move on. But you are judging him now without even having the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That might be a catholic thing, or specific to your faith. In my church, we don’t have the body or casket present, and we call it a memorial service.

The minister is not Catholic. He’s nondenominational Christian. They have funerals with the body all the time.

In fact, I’m Catholic and my parish would do the Mass for us free of charge, but we are three hours away and it would cost thousands to transport our relative’s body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

I’m not looking for a solution, but a way of understanding how a minister reconciles their refusal to assist with the belief that we are called to bury the dead.

Stop looking for a fight and bury your relative. Or scateer his ashes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

Not a bad idea.

OP - sounds like you're angry with the family member clergy person for not volunteering to do the funeral. Other pp's are right in asking if he knows about the death and your quandary. If he doesn't, tell him and ask him to do the burial service. If he refuses, or has already knowingly not stepped up, then he's a bad guy, despite being clergy.

+1 don't expect him to read your mind. Ask and if he says no accept that (feel free to silently judge him if you want to) and move on. But you are judging him now without even having the discussion.

He knows the financial stress. His young adult child is directly impacted by both the death and the cost of the cremation, etc. They have had three separate conversations about the need for a church and clergy person. I don’t know the exactly wording that was used in the moment, but he was not welcoming or interested in further discussion.

I don’t need him to change his mind, I’m just hoping to understand it. It’s like saying you are supposed to feed the hungry —except that one guy there. ‘Eff him.