Burying the dead is one of the corporal acts of mercy so I need some help understanding this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

So, he didn’t offer and nobody asked either, or he was asked and declined?

“Transporting the deceased an hour away.”

You mean driving an hour with a cardboard box or an urn on the floor in the back.

Does not seem all that burdensome.

I commend your and your family members’ genuine charity. There are people who won’t do what you did for your decedent. But if nobody asked the nearby relative, maybe they should. And if he won’t do it, then the optional place seems easier than fathoming the motives of a clergyman who doesn’t want to do a particular funeral.

His own child asked him when he didn’t offer and he declined.

The deceased always wished to be cremated after the service. This is not unusual. We would have to transport a body an hour away and then back. It’s not cheap as a hearse is needed.

We will probably rent a chapel at the funeral home although his church is 13 minutes away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was the deceased of the same religion as the person in question or otherwise share beliefs? Because if not, it would be disrespectful to the deceased to have a religion he was not a part of involved in his service.

Both were non-denominational Christians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That might be a catholic thing, or specific to your faith. In my church, we don’t have the body or casket present, and we call it a memorial service.

The minister is not Catholic. He’s nondenominational Christian. They have funerals with the body all the time.

In fact, I’m Catholic and my parish would do the Mass for us free of charge, but we are three hours away and it would cost thousands to transport our relative’s body.

I thought the person was cremated? Why are you bringing the body anywhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That might be a catholic thing, or specific to your faith. In my church, we don’t have the body or casket present, and we call it a memorial service.

The minister is not Catholic. He’s nondenominational Christian. They have funerals with the body all the time.

In fact, I’m Catholic and my parish would do the Mass for us free of charge, but we are three hours away and it would cost thousands to transport our relative’s body.

I thought the person was cremated? Why are you bringing the body anywhere? The deceased no longer gets to call the shots when others are footing the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go online, get ordained, hold the service at your house or the mountains, or a field.

Not a bad idea.

OP - sounds like you're angry with the family member clergy person for not volunteering to do the funeral. Other pp's are right in asking if he knows about the death and your quandary. If he doesn't, tell him and ask him to do the burial service. If he refuses, or has already knowingly not stepped up, then he's a bad guy, despite being clergy.

+1 don't expect him to read your mind. Ask and if he says no accept that (feel free to silently judge him if you want to) and move on. But you are judging him now without even having the discussion.

He knows the financial stress. His young adult child is directly impacted by both the death and the cost of the cremation, etc. They have had three separate conversations about the need for a church and clergy person. I don’t know the exactly wording that was used in the moment, but he was not welcoming or interested in further discussion.

I don’t need him to change his mind, I’m just hoping to understand it. It’s like saying you are supposed to feed the hungry —except that one guy there. ‘Eff him.

Well, that's that then. He must have his reasons. Stop stewing and move on.

[Anonymous]

What was the pastor-relative’s relationship with the deceased? Could there be more going on there with the pastor and his feelings toward the deceased than you might be aware of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That might be a catholic thing, or specific to your faith. In my church, we don’t have the body or casket present, and we call it a memorial service.

The minister is not Catholic. He’s nondenominational Christian. They have funerals with the body all the time.

In fact, I’m Catholic and my parish would do the Mass for us free of charge, but we are three hours away and it would cost thousands to transport our relative’s body.

I thought the person was cremated? Why are you bringing the body anywhere? The deceased no longer gets to call the shots when others are footing the bill.

good point. He's dead now. It's time to forget about his wishes and do what makes sense for the living. You tried and it didn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

So, he didn’t offer and nobody asked either, or he was asked and declined?

“Transporting the deceased an hour away.”

You mean driving an hour with a cardboard box or an urn on the floor in the back.

Does not seem all that burdensome.

I commend your and your family members’ genuine charity. There are people who won’t do what you did for your decedent. But if nobody asked the nearby relative, maybe they should. And if he won’t do it, then the optional place seems easier than fathoming the motives of a clergyman who doesn’t want to do a particular funeral.

His own child asked him when he didn’t offer and he declined.

The deceased always wished to be cremated after the service. This is not unusual. We would have to transport a body an hour away and then back. It’s not cheap as a hearse is needed.

We will probably rent a chapel at the funeral home although his church is 13 minutes away.

Unfortunately, the deceased did not make the appropriate paid-for arrangements in advance, so it will have to be what works for the bereaved and what they can afford.

Did the deceased have relational problems that made some relatives less willing to step up after death? It sounds as though there might be some history here that’s not being presented in the OP or the follow up posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

So, he didn’t offer and nobody asked either, or he was asked and declined?

“Transporting the deceased an hour away.”

You mean driving an hour with a cardboard box or an urn on the floor in the back.

Does not seem all that burdensome.

I commend your and your family members’ genuine charity. There are people who won’t do what you did for your decedent. But if nobody asked the nearby relative, maybe they should. And if he won’t do it, then the optional place seems easier than fathoming the motives of a clergyman who doesn’t want to do a particular funeral.

His own child asked him when he didn’t offer and he declined.

The deceased always wished to be cremated after the service. This is not unusual. We would have to transport a body an hour away and then back. It’s not cheap as a hearse is needed.

We will probably rent a chapel at the funeral home although his church is 13 minutes away.

Unfortunately, the deceased did not make the appropriate paid-for arrangements in advance, so it will have to be what works for the bereaved and what they can afford.

Did the deceased have relational problems that made some relatives less willing to step up after death? It sounds as though there might be some history here that’s not being presented in the OP or the follow up posts.

agree with all this.

most cremated people have a memorial services after the cremains are ready, not a body at the funeral, cremate after. transporting a body around is not easy and it is expensive, and an unnecessary expense for those having to pay for it.

if pastor relative declined, there is a reason you may not be privy to. can other relative pastor do the service at other pastors church? that would involve less carting around of the body.

[Anonymous]

They'll be fine if you focus more on their physical and mental health and making them happy, kind and productive people. That's more important than trying to teach them why your particular brand of race, religion, language, culture, blood group and class is superior to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That might be a catholic thing, or specific to your faith. In my church, we don’t have the body or casket present, and we call it a memorial service.

The minister is not Catholic. He’s nondenominational Christian. They have funerals with the body all the time.

In fact, I’m Catholic and my parish would do the Mass for us free of charge, but we are three hours away and it would cost thousands to transport our relative’s body.

Thousands to transport cremated remains?

[Anonymous]

Drama queen alert!

Not offering is NOT the same as refusing. Jfc. I bet if you offered to pay for a service he’d be more open (and may not even take your money), but either way, this is a you problem.

Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Cremate the body and disperse the ashes in flowing water. Done and Done. Do not need a priest even. You can spread it by yourself and just bless the soul to have a good onwards journey.

No mortal remains are left in a significant manner that the living or the departed have any connection to the dead body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a death in our family. The deceased died indigent. All of us have scraped together funds for cremation and a very modest service. A relative is a minister at a small church very near where the deceased lived. He did not offer his services. As a result, we are incurring a cost of a service at funeral home or transporting the deceased an hour away to where a different relative is pastor at a church. I’m just struggling to understand.

How do we know your relative’s position on this? Did you ask them? We don’t know about your relative whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

OP is so immersed in their resentment that they can't even come up with the relevant facts.