Childless women would want their own child when they marry a divorced man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is older than I am and has a child from his first marriage, and it was clear when we got engaged we were going to try for a baby. We had one, he occasionally bemoans being an older dad, but having her has brought joy into his live, and she and her much older (half) sibling adore each other. And my stepchild (now an adult) has told me they wouldn’t have the relationship they have with their father if I wasn’t there to facilitate it. And my step and I get along amazingly well.

We all got amazingly lucky - and I don’t know really any other blended families who have it as good as we do.

But I was on the fence about having my own child - but after falling for my now husband I did want a child of my own. But as much as I adored him and his child, didn’t want to be only a stepmom - even a loved one - having the constraints of having a family without a child of my own wasn’t something I wanted. So it makes sense to me that a childless woman wouldn’t want to take on the work of a family without the biggest reward.

What a bizarre thing to brag about. What's wrong with your husband that he can't maintain a relationship with his own child without help?

Yup. Look at me - I married such a dud that he couldn’t manage a relationship with own children until I came along to rescue him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is older than I am and has a child from his first marriage, and it was clear when we got engaged we were going to try for a baby. We had one, he occasionally bemoans being an older dad, but having her has brought joy into his live, and she and her much older (half) sibling adore each other. And my stepchild (now an adult) has told me they wouldn’t have the relationship they have with their father if I wasn’t there to facilitate it. And my step and I get along amazingly well.

We all got amazingly lucky - and I don’t know really any other blended families who have it as good as we do.

But I was on the fence about having my own child - but after falling for my now husband I did want a child of my own. But as much as I adored him and his child, didn’t want to be only a stepmom - even a loved one - having the constraints of having a family without a child of my own wasn’t something I wanted. So it makes sense to me that a childless woman wouldn’t want to take on the work of a family without the biggest reward.

What a bizarre thing to brag about. What's wrong with your husband that he can't maintain a relationship with his own child without help?

Agreed. Sounds like the pp who lamented these men as poor fathers to their original kids is correct. How sad for this family :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a man who is older than I am and has a child from his first marriage, and it was clear when we got engaged we were going to try for a baby. We had one, he occasionally bemoans being an older dad, but having her has brought joy into his live, and she and her much older (half) sibling adore each other. And my stepchild (now an adult) has told me they wouldn’t have the relationship they have with their father if I wasn’t there to facilitate it. And my step and I get along amazingly well.

We all got amazingly lucky - and I don’t know really any other blended families who have it as good as we do.

But I was on the fence about having my own child - but after falling for my now husband I did want a child of my own. But as much as I adored him and his child, didn’t want to be only a stepmom - even a loved one - having the constraints of having a family without a child of my own wasn’t something I wanted. So it makes sense to me that a childless woman wouldn’t want to take on the work of a family without the biggest reward.

What a bizarre thing to brag about. What's wrong with your husband that he can't maintain a relationship with his own child without help?

Yup. Look at me - I married such a dud that he couldn’t manage a relationship with own children until I came along to rescue him.

lol brutal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can date women their own age? I don't get why suddenly when men are in their 40s they need to date younger women.

Because the younger woman has no kids, no real competition for her attention. It’s all about HIM.

His ex’s attention on their kids partially explains the divorce. Raising kids is a real drag for a lot of men.

He’s going to make the same mistakes again with the new younger woman. Hence why I said they are big dummies.

Stop making stuff up.

She’s totally spot on. You don’t have to step up your game to impress a younger woman. Then they shower with all their attention because they don’t have kids to divert.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor moved in next door as he was going through a divorce, and his kids are with him half of the time (and we are walking distance from their school and their mother's house which was the family home before the divorce). New girlfriend was moved in within six months. Now they are getting married, and she is 100% planning on having kids and he is on the fence. Do you know what she calls his two kids when talking on the phone (on their porch loudly...) to her friends -- "the little shits." She hates them and has told me she wants them to be full time at their mother's. He has no idea, she acts super nice toward them in front of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obvious solution is for these men in their 40s to date women their own age. Then there’s a much higher chance that they’ll already have their own kids or not want them, and that they won’t be desperate to marry.

Then they just end up with a nightmare blended family.

[Anonymous]

A few children in my child’s preschool class are from second marriages with that age gap between the mother and father, and late teen/twenty something children from the father’s first marriage. It was obviously important to the women and their spouses did it for them. The kids love their step siblings.

[Anonymous]

If I had to do it all over again I would never marry a man with children. The complications are too numerous but when I stop and think about them, I am so sad for this life. We do not have our own child and that is not an issue for me. It’s the feeling of always being an outsider in our world, it’s troubling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obvious solution is for these men in their 40s to date women their own age. Then there’s a much higher chance that they’ll already have their own kids or not want them, and that they won’t be desperate to marry.

+1

There are women who don't want kids, that said. I am one of them. But I wasn't looking for a divorced 40-something year old to marry. I married someone my age who also didn't want kids.

You can find a woman who's already in her mid to late 30s who doesn't have kids and says she doesn't want them.

He could also find someone who already has her own kids. But let me guess - these guys don't want that.

Pretty good guess, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obvious solution is for these men in their 40s to date women their own age. Then there’s a much higher chance that they’ll already have their own kids or not want them, and that they won’t be desperate to marry.

+1

There are women who don't want kids, that said. I am one of them. But I wasn't looking for a divorced 40-something year old to marry. I married someone my age who also didn't want kids.

You can find a woman who's already in her mid to late 30s who doesn't have kids and says she doesn't want them.

He could also find someone who already has her own kids. But let me guess - these guys don't want that.

Pretty good guess, lol.

LOL. Their delusion and lack of self awareness will never not be tremendously amusing. And then they expect us to cry over the "male loneliness epidemic"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can date women their own age? I don't get why suddenly when men are in their 40s they need to date younger women.

Because the younger woman has no kids, no real competition for her attention. It’s all about HIM.

His ex’s attention on their kids partially explains the divorce. Raising kids is a real drag for a lot of men.

He’s going to make the same mistakes again with the new younger woman. Hence why I said they are big dummies.

Stop making stuff up.

She’s totally spot on. You don’t have to step up your game to impress a younger woman. Then they shower with all their attention because they don’t have kids to divert.

No she's not and sometimes Dad's cannot maintain relationship due to the mother.

Sometimes relationships just happen and there is an age difference. Often they aren't looking for it. Why is it ok for mom's to remarry and have more kids but not dad's?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few children in my child’s preschool class are from second marriages with that age gap between the mother and father, and late teen/twenty something children from the father’s first marriage. It was obviously important to the women and their spouses did it for them. The kids love their step siblings.

They would be half siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can date women their own age? I don't get why suddenly when men are in their 40s they need to date younger women.

You really don't understand this? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can date women their own age? I don't get why suddenly when men are in their 40s they need to date younger women.

Because the younger woman has no kids, no real competition for her attention. It’s all about HIM.

His ex’s attention on their kids partially explains the divorce. Raising kids is a real drag for a lot of men.

He’s going to make the same mistakes again with the new younger woman. Hence why I said they are big dummies.

Stop making stuff up.

It sounded 100% on point to me -- not remotely "made up." DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in our mid forties and know several divorced men in their mid to late forties. The natural thing for these mid forties men were to date women in their thirties. As the relationship progressed, every single one wants to get married and have a kid. I think this is the natural feeling for a woman in love. Problem is the man already has kids and may not want more.

One man we know dated someone for years and eventually broke up because the woman wanted to marry. He told her from the beginning he does not ever want to remarry.

Another got remarried, had a baby and got divorced again.

Another got married to someone in her late thirties. She wants a baby and he doesn’t. When they got married, she said she didn’t want to have a baby.

Others just break up before they get too serious because man doesn’t want more kids.

Would you settle on this?

Not have a biological child to be with a guy you love or have another kid when you don’t want more.

Neither.

Both people should be with people at similar life stages. If the man already has an older vintage family and "falls in love" with a less mature woman, he should know better. If a less mature woman falls in love with the "stable provider" she should see straight through the fact that he traded his wife for a newer tighter version and will do it again. If people find themselves in this situation, they are both dumb.

The best situation for everyone is to marry people who want the same future.

But most of them don't "do it again." They settle in and that is that, happy or not.