Postpartum doula seems hesitant to fulfill night care

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you frustrated yourself by not scheduling in a timely fashion.

Yes, she needs a back up. That’s also a problem.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. And FWIW I feel like virtually every person I know who hired a doula ended up disappointed in some way (I’ve heard stories of doulas being too late, having to leave mid-birth, pressuring them to go along with medical stuff they didn’t want to do to hurry things up, etc.

In general the barriers to entry are very low. There really isn’t any licensing or professional requirements to call yourself a doula. I’m sure there are some gems out there, but also a lot of flakey people who make promises and collect money without truly thinking through the reality of having to drop everything all at once or having scheduling conflicts. I know the uncertainty of work hours would never work for my family, it’s not an easy job to plan your life around.

Good ones will have backup agreements with other doulas, but it’s otherwise ripe for scams or under delivering promises.

[Anonymous]

Well I doubt she will refund, it’s worth an ask but new doulas don’t seem like they’re likely to be flush with cash, she probably already spent it. Would absolutely not let her watch baby overnight, someone’s baby just died because the amateur doula fell asleep while taking care of the baby. Ask for a replacement service. Why did you hire her? She sounds awful and isn’t the point of a doula having someone easygoing and that jives with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I doubt she will refund, it’s worth an ask but new doulas don’t seem like they’re likely to be flush with cash, she probably already spent it. Would absolutely not let her watch baby overnight, someone’s baby just died because the amateur doula fell asleep while taking care of the baby. Ask for a replacement service. Why did you hire her? She sounds awful and isn’t the point of a doula having someone easygoing and that jives with you?

Omg. Where did you hear this? How awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I doubt she will refund, it’s worth an ask but new doulas don’t seem like they’re likely to be flush with cash, she probably already spent it. Would absolutely not let her watch baby overnight, someone’s baby just died because the amateur doula fell asleep while taking care of the baby. Ask for a replacement service. Why did you hire her? She sounds awful and isn’t the point of a doula having someone easygoing and that jives with you?

Can you please provide more information on this?

[Anonymous]

Most doulas have zero backup. She is trying to figure out how to make this work

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you were supposed to schedule a couple nights shortly after birth. That would allow her to plan out her clients by due date. You have chosen instead to string her along to the point when other clients are now due and that’s put her in a tough spot. It sounds like the care she was supposed to provide was transitioning you home with baby, so she’s wondering why you would still need that at this point.

I don’t think you understand the services you signed up for. Sounds like bad communication to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you were supposed to schedule a couple nights shortly after birth. That would allow her to plan out her clients by due date. You have chosen instead to string her along to the point when other clients are now due and that’s put her in a tough spot. It sounds like the care she was supposed to provide was transitioning you home with baby, so she’s wondering why you would still need that at this point.

I don’t think you understand the services you signed up for. Sounds like bad communication to me.

Agree, doulas are not night nannies. This service is just supposed to help you sleep and recover after delivery.

[Anonymous]

Get a refund - that will influence your review. Remind her of this. She needs to become more professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you were supposed to schedule a couple nights shortly after birth. That would allow her to plan out her clients by due date. You have chosen instead to string her along to the point when other clients are now due and that’s put her in a tough spot. It sounds like the care she was supposed to provide was transitioning you home with baby, so she’s wondering why you would still need that at this point.

I don’t think you understand the services you signed up for. Sounds like bad communication to me.

This. It’s not intended to bank as a night nanny later on. My doula did not provide overnights but she did come for a postpartum visit and brought me a beautiful meal and looked after babe so I could shower and nap.

Her postpartum service also included phone and text support the first month to help with my healing and new mom stuff. She had boundaries of course and it wasn’t always instant communication, found this enormously helpful.

Now she eventually transitioned her services to postpartum work so it might not be the norm minus that initial visit.

She did have back up for my birth (and a Babysitter) but thankfully no conflicts even with a long labor. I credit my postpartum lack of trauma to her steady presence. Our birth was rough and she kept me and my husband supported emotionally so we could ride that experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s trying to get out of the night duty. At this point, I would tell her you don’t need her, but she needs to refund you for those two nights.

If OP says she doesn't need the night service, then the doula doesn't owe her anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s trying to get out of the night duty. At this point, I would tell her you don’t need her, but she needs to refund you for those two nights.

If OP says she doesn't need the night service, then the doula doesn't owe her anything.

Op here no I paid extra for this overnight package add on and it didn’t specify that I must use it right after birth. The doula also indicated she has more births this month and we would need to may need adjust accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s trying to get out of the night duty. At this point, I would tell her you don’t need her, but she needs to refund you for those two nights.

If OP says she doesn't need the night service, then the doula doesn't owe her anything.

Op here no I paid extra for this overnight package add on and it didn’t specify that I must use it right after birth. The doula also indicated she has more births this month and we would need to may need adjust accordingly.

I thought you said you canceled? I really hope you did. I used two dedicated, professional night doulas for my first, and they were wonderful. I have one friend who had a similar situation to you and got her birth doula to do a few nights of night doula. It was a disaster. She forgot to do the mouth stretches post tongue tie release, which caused the baby to need a second surgery. She fell asleep and forgot feedings. Being a night doula is a hard job. It’s really not something any rando who isn’t used to being up all night can do.