Postpartum doula seems hesitant to fulfill night care

[Anonymous]

I hired a doula for labor and delivery and also for (2) night postpartum. My birth was fast, but she did make it there as I was pushing. Anyway,, she has asked me two times now if I still want to do the night visits even though they are in our contract, and I paid for them months ago. It's kind of frustrating because it makes me feel like she doesn't want to do it. Do I really want someone like this to take care of my newborn? I know some people schedule these ahead of time, but I held back because I wanted to make sure my baby didn't go to the NICU. My older children were both in the NICU for a week plus. This doula is new and relies on me to provide her references and reviews. Her rates are lower than other doulas as she's very new. I was her first birth. I think maybe she doesn't want to do it anymore because she feels she could get more money now but we signed months ago when she didn't have experience as a birth doula or night doula. This is not what I want to be stressing out postpartum.

[Anonymous]

You’re mad that someone asked about a schedule? You should not hire anyone else to work for you, ever!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is just trying to get you to schedule them. I think you are overthinking it - just schedule it and go for it. You will still be in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re mad that someone asked about a schedule? You should not hire anyone else to work for you, ever!

Wrong. She didn't ask about a schedule and keep in mind with birth we don't know when the baby will come. She asked twice if I wanted to CANCEL all of the night care I have already paid for. She also told me if the woman she's supporting goes into labor she will have to leave my house in the middle of the night so I am trying to work around that. I did tell her no I don't want to cancel a few days ago and she said "well i will get back to you with my availability next week." she has 3 births this month. my due date was at the end of this month but baby came early. I don't think she's frustrated with the schedule as the other clients are expected to go into labor asap. she had a birth yesterday and now has one more. i find it strange she has asked twice now if i just want to cancel everything as not scheduling the visits right after my early birth worked better for her and her clients births.

[Anonymous]

Just firmly say "Yes, I'd like for us to both fulfill all aspects of the contract in place."

Only a monster would take out anger or resentment towards a parent, on a newborn. Your baby will be fine in her care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re mad that someone asked about a schedule? You should not hire anyone else to work for you, ever!

Wrong. She didn't ask about a schedule and keep in mind with birth we don't know when the baby will come. She asked twice if I wanted to CANCEL all of the night care I have already paid for. She also told me if the woman she's supporting goes into labor she will have to leave my house in the middle of the night so I am trying to work around that. I did tell her no I don't want to cancel a few days ago and she said "well i will get back to you with my availability next week." she has 3 births this month. my due date was at the end of this month but baby came early. I don't think she's frustrated with the schedule as the other clients are expected to go into labor asap. she had a birth yesterday and now has one more. i find it strange she has asked twice now if i just want to cancel everything as not scheduling the visits right after my early birth worked better for her and her clients births.

I hear eating the placenta helps with hormonal outbursts.

[Anonymous]

She needs a backup person, she can’t just leave in the middle of a session you paid for (unless she’s refunding you?). This doesn’t sound like a very professional operation, which is fine if she’s new, but I would look at the contract and see what her backup provision is, and if one doesn’t exist discuss the pro-rated fees you will pay if she leaves.

I think she started offering the service before she had a good sense for what it entailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs a backup person, she can’t just leave in the middle of a session you paid for (unless she’s refunding you?). This doesn’t sound like a very professional operation, which is fine if she’s new, but I would look at the contract and see what her backup provision is, and if one doesn’t exist discuss the pro-rated fees you will pay if she leaves.

I think she started offering the service before she had a good sense for what it entailed.

op here. she didn't mention refunding. She is also going on vacation soon. I told her we could do it after her vacation if that's easier so it doesn't conflict with the jan birth she still has.

[Anonymous]

She's worried about fulfilling all the contracts she has if they collide chronologically. She will be very tired if she has to stay up all night at your house then leave to attend another birth. It's HER fault she scheduled it this way, not yours, but now she's making it your problem. You don't want an exhausted and unhappy night nurse.

So if you can find another night nurse easily, so ahead and cancel this one. But if you can't, you will have to endure the possibility that she needs to leave in the middle of the night to attend another birth, and come back bone tired.

Obviously you will need to be reimbursed if she cannot fulfill her contract. You will remind her of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a backup person, she can’t just leave in the middle of a session you paid for (unless she’s refunding you?). This doesn’t sound like a very professional operation, which is fine if she’s new, but I would look at the contract and see what her backup provision is, and if one doesn’t exist discuss the pro-rated fees you will pay if she leaves.

I think she started offering the service before she had a good sense for what it entailed.

op here. she didn't mention refunding. She is also going on vacation soon. I told her we could do it after her vacation if that's easier so it doesn't conflict with the jan birth she still has.

No, that's just too fishy. You need to find someone else, OP. This is not a responsible professional. I know you hate giving her what she wants, but this is your child. Don't trust someone like that with your newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a backup person, she can’t just leave in the middle of a session you paid for (unless she’s refunding you?). This doesn’t sound like a very professional operation, which is fine if she’s new, but I would look at the contract and see what her backup provision is, and if one doesn’t exist discuss the pro-rated fees you will pay if she leaves.

I think she started offering the service before she had a good sense for what it entailed.

op here. she didn't mention refunding. She is also going on vacation soon. I told her we could do it after her vacation if that's easier so it doesn't conflict with the jan birth she still has.

No, that's just too fishy. You need to find someone else, OP. This is not a responsible professional. I know you hate giving her what she wants, but this is your child. Don't trust someone like that with your newborn.

[Anonymous]

When someone repeatedly asks if you still want to keep plans, it often indicates uncertainty on their part about whether they want to go ahead with the plans. This can be frustrating as it might make you feel like you are constantly confirming your interest and puts the responsibility on you to cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's worried about fulfilling all the contracts she has if they collide chronologically. She will be very tired if she has to stay up all night at your house then leave to attend another birth. It's HER fault she scheduled it this way, not yours, but now she's making it your problem. You don't want an exhausted and unhappy night nurse.

So if you can find another night nurse easily, so ahead and cancel this one. But if you can't, you will have to endure the possibility that she needs to leave in the middle of the night to attend another birth, and come back bone tired.

Obviously you will need to be reimbursed if she cannot fulfill her contract. You will remind her of this.

OP here. I didn't think about that and I also don't know how many births she has for Feb. It really is none of my business but she told me about the 3 births for Jan.

[Anonymous]

Op- do you even need her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op- do you even need her?

OP here. I will probably be fine. I've never had a night doula before with my other kids. DH and I don't have any family help. Our families both live abroad. This time DH does have a longer paternity leave. I don't think she's going to refund me though and I don't want to put anymore effort into this. I may just not review or give her a reference and leave it at that.