Are all football coaches control freaks?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a high school coach (not football) and I am trying very hard to understand what your problem with the team is...all of the coaches I know excuse the occasional family event or illness -- just like your work would most likely give you the day off if requested. However, sleeping in is not an excuse to miss something. Is that really what your issue is with the coach? That they expect athletes to be at practice instead of sleeping? How is a team supposed to progress if the members can choose to be at practice or not? Certainly school work comes first, however, many studies have proven that student athletes have better grades than those students who do not participate in anything. Time management is a crucial skill for teenagers to learn before they go to college. I hope if your son is as gifted as you say and if HE would like to stay on the team, you do help him get everything in order and not quit because it is a time commitment. Honestly, what did you expect when he tried out?

As for your father's comment, I am sure that any Olympic Athlete trained MUCH harder and MUCH longer than the average high school football player.

[Anonymous]

OP: I get the culture. I don't agree with it. For some of these posters, it is only through sports that one can gain honor, responsibility, friendship, dedication, perserverance, hard work. What many of the posters here don't get is that you don't have to do sports to get theses skills or reinforce these values. You can get them from doing other things.

I went to a small girls high school - we did not have sports. I did bowl in elementary school when bowling alleys were low-class and full of smoke. I was the girls high score bowler for 2 years.

But you are right - no one took things too seriously. The culture has changed because there is such big payoffs to be in a sport - even scholarships to smaller colleges. It sounds as if this is the wrong team for your son. My DS is a few years younger - he does go to practice once a week and he does play. But the moment the team gets serious - and this sounds like your son's team - then he will quit. He already has mastered hard work and responsibility. It has happned at school and home.

Your DS sounds like a charming and fun young man. I do think he has to decide what he wants to do, but if he can't fit in there, I am sure he will find something else that he likes that would fun and not so rigid. The coach should either understand where you as a parent are coming from and release him if your views do not jive or accept that you come at this with a different view if he wantsyour son as a player. I would not have him miss practice just to blow it off, but if you do have vacations and other events from time to time, you should do them. This is about teaching your child to live a balanced life. Many people people in this areaa don't get that and put a lot of energy in their kids' sports life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I will take him off the team. I don't get the culture.

Funny enough, my son is a great athlete, as was my father (alternate on an Olympic team), and a sister (national level track). However, we do not put sports over academics or other aspects of life. Even my father said the whole thing has gone too far, and he really trained hard when he was younger.

One mother said to me, "if my son had the gift that yours did, I would work with it to get him to the highest level". Well that won't happen, she should work with her son.

I see nothing wrong with a teen occasionally over sleeping, that's what teens do, sleep A LOT. That is why they get paid min wage, because they are notoriously unreliable. The responsibility comes with time. We shouldn't teach by expulsion. But still, the lesson that I think needs to be learned is that it is just not that important. These folks are wound tight. And in the end of it, with all the money for fancy equipment (my son wears cheapo shoes), and the time commitment of the parents nowadays (my parents never attended our games), they don't play any better than we did.

Teens sleeping a lot has nothing whatsoever to do with oversleeping. That is simply not honoring whatever committment you made for that day, whether it is practice or work. They reason teens make minimum wage has nothing to do with being unreliable (which is untrue), but becaues most have no real skills that would make it worth paying more. Those that have more skills get paid commensurate with those. OP, you really make little sense, and you have many excuses for your son, but showing up late for oversleeping is really just being lazy and not honoring committments. THat goes to character and upbringing, and has nothing to do with being a teenager. He'll not likely outgrow that if you don't teach him.

I really don't understand YOU and your attitude. I don't think the coaches are the problem.

[Anonymous]

once in a while we get those holier-than-thou posts in different boards...

[Anonymous]

OP,
What are his college ambitions? Do you know that college admissions officers look at athletes favorably, even when they do not expect that athlete to play in college, because it shows a level of commitment and, if his grades are good, self-discipline to be able to excel at both. The commitment to high school sports today is no different from what it was in the 1970s. My brother played high school football and his commitment was fierce. I am stunned that you let your son oversleep.That's not a family conflict, that's indulging him while his teammates have gotten their asses out of bed and make it to the field. The kind of commitment you describe is the norm, not extreme in the least. It's not a new culture.

[Anonymous]

P.S. I really got a surprise here. I thought I was going to be entertained by yet another story about yet another wacko coach. Instead we have a mother who has what sounds like a very talented athlete, but doesn't "get" Team Commitment 101. That's a shame for him. He's taking advantage of you, and I bet he knows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:once in a while we get those holier-than-thou posts in different boards...

but from the opening post it was clear she did not agree with the coaches' prioritites and was trying to sabotage her kid's football career.
She posted looking for support for her position but has found very little.
Now she says, surprise surprise, she will remove him fom the team, which is what she wanted all along. Why, it's too intense; too demanding.
Good luck to this young man. Life can be very competititve, and excellence in any field can require sacrifices. Best learn this while young. However, her son will be denied alot of the positive lessons about life that can be taught by playing team sports. I think she is doing the lad a major disservice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I get the culture. I don't agree with it. For some of these posters, it is only through sports that one can gain honor, responsibility, friendship, dedication, perserverance, hard work. What many of the posters here don't get is that you don't have to do sports to get theses skills or reinforce these values. You can get them from doing other things.

I went to a small girls high school - we did not have sports. I did bowl in elementary school when bowling alleys were low-class and full of smoke. I was the girls high score bowler for 2 years.

But you are right - no one took things too seriously. The culture has changed because there is such big payoffs to be in a sport - even scholarships to smaller colleges. It sounds as if this is the wrong team for your son. My DS is a few years younger - he does go to practice once a week and he does play. But the moment the team gets serious - and this sounds like your son's team - then he will quit. He already has mastered hard work and responsibility. It has happned at school and home.

Your DS sounds like a charming and fun young man. I do think he has to decide what he wants to do, but if he can't fit in there, I am sure he will find something else that he likes that would fun and not so rigid. The coach should either understand where you as a parent are coming from and release him if your views do not jive or accept that you come at this with a different view if he wantsyour son as a player. I would not have him miss practice just to blow it off, but if you do have vacations and other events from time to time, you should do them. This is about teaching your child to live a balanced life. Many people people in this areaa don't get that and put a lot of energy in their kids' sports life.

OP here, I agree with what you have said.
It seems that there is something else driving these folks and money might well be it.
The reason I will remove him has to do with my schedule and the culture, I can not, will not, commit. This reminds me if one of those homework projects that kids bring home in 6th grade that the parents really have to do because it is way too complex for any child to manage. The team seems to be a family thing. If you don't have the parental support, forget it.

[Anonymous]

Years ago, there was a gymnast named Dominique Dawes who went to the Olympics many times. I heard an interesting story about her parents and how they handled her sport. Her mother used to ask her to get herself and her mother up in the morning to go to gymnastics. If Dominique did not wake up, she did not go to the gym. However, many of the parents at that gym used to criticize her parents for being uninvolved.
The mother apparently never wanted to be blamed for any issues with parental pressure and so on.
There are many ways to do things, not every parent has to be "there".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I agree with what you have said.
It seems that there is something else driving these folks and money might well be it.
The reason I will remove him has to do with my schedule and the culture, I can not, will not, commit. This reminds me if one of those homework projects that kids bring home in 6th grade that the parents really have to do because it is way too complex for any child to manage. The team seems to be a family thing. If you don't have the parental support, forget it.

OP I applaud your decision. You do what you think is right for your kid and you instill values onto him. I think any good HS coach who cares more than winning would agree with your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I will take him off the team. I don't get the culture.

Funny enough, my son is a great athlete, as was my father (alternate on an Olympic team), and a sister (national level track). However, we do not put sports over academics or other aspects of life. Even my father said the whole thing has gone too far, and he really trained hard when he was younger.

One mother said to me, "if my son had the gift that yours did, I would work with it to get him to the highest level". Well that won't happen, she should work with her son.

I see nothing wrong with a teen occasionally over sleeping, that's what teens do, sleep A LOT. That is why they get paid min wage, because they are notoriously unreliable. The responsibility comes with time. We shouldn't teach by expulsion. But still, the lesson that I think needs to be learned is that it is just not that important. These folks are wound tight. And in the end of it, with all the money for fancy equipment (my son wears cheapo shoes), and the time commitment of the parents nowadays (my parents never attended our games), they don't play any better than we did.

Readers, please stop here and think about this comment from the OP. Summer is now over. 2 adays are over. Camps and conditioning are over. School is now in session and JV and varsity practice after school.

Parent involvement might [emphasis on might] include voluntarily providing some gatorade. This is high school not a youth league. The student is at school prior to practice and then shows up on a timely basis for games.

What fancy equipment? Schools furnish the football equipment except for cleats. If the OP expects the kid to be at school and blow off practice then I can see why the coach might bench him. This whole thread is just odd considering school is now in session and many have already had their first interscholastic games. I never heard of a high school football team in any decade that didn't require kids to show up for practice.

[Anonymous]

21:10, I don't know how old you are, but in 1978 or so, I attended about EVERY OTHER practice for track at WJ HS, and heard nothing from the coach.
Times have indeed changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, there was a gymnast named Dominique Dawes who went to the Olympics many times. I heard an interesting story about her parents and how they handled her sport. Her mother used to ask her to get herself and her mother up in the morning to go to gymnastics. If Dominique did not wake up, she did not go to the gym. However, many of the parents at that gym used to criticize her parents for being uninvolved.
The mother apparently never wanted to be blamed for any issues with parental pressure and so on.
There are many ways to do things, not every parent has to be "there".

It is true that her parents were very hands off, but it was not about not wanting to be blamed, it was about being busy with running a business and having a special needs child. They simply left it to her coach to take care of things in the gym, under the (correct) assumption that the coach knew best. And clearly, it worked for them.

I also wanted to add for the OP, I'm not sure if this has been brought up, but with a sport like football, every single player needs to be committed and know what they are doing, or players risk serious injury. So if you have a kid who wants to oversleep and party, please take him off the team.

Individual sports like gymnastics, track (many events, at least), swimming...practices can be handled differently because there is not necessarily a team issue, where one person's readiness directly impacts everyone else's safety.

[Anonymous]

OP,
You should have thought about your schedule and whether your son could meet the coach's commitment expectations BEFORE THIS WEEK. Please take a crash course in decision-making and tell your son this is not how adults make decisions.

21:13: My brother was the athlete, he would have been cut from the teams (football and baseball) if he'd missed every other practice. This was a large public high school in Connecticut in the mid-1970s. For his teams, the culture was the same as today -- lots of training, serious commitment, excused absences were for illness or injury, family events or major homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:10, I don't know how old you are, but in 1978 or so, I attended about EVERY OTHER practice for track at WJ HS, and heard nothing from the coach.
Times have indeed changed.

First of all it was 1978! Hello, that was 32 years ago. Shocking that things have changed.

Second - not sure if you are male or female but think about women's sports back then. They were not taken seriously. Title IX had only been around 6 years. So who cared if girls didn't show up for practice.