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anyone regret taking a step back in their career for family?
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Anonymous
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As soon as my youngest is in school, I'll go back to work.
But I got the impression that you thought we SAHMs are the "luckiest people alive." So why be so rude about my choice? It doesn't make you any less vulnerable or short-sighted to attack me for pointing out the risk for any SAHP. I made this sacrifice for the sake of my kids, but at least I can acknowledge that it is a sacrifice to me. |
Anonymous
| No regrets here. I work pt and our combined income is $140K. Sure, I wish we had more (don't we all), but right now we have a house and savings. One thing I realized after giving birth is that the time really does fly by and that when I am on my deathbed, I will treasure and reflect on my moments with my child rather than what career opportunities I missed. i was a real go-getter pre-baby. It was important to me at that time. That's why I was 40 when I became a mom. People change all the time after a significant life event. In 4-5 years she'll be in school and Ill go back to work fulltime. Don't care if I lost any ground in my career due to my absence. |
Anonymous
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OP here: this didn't really go in the direction i hoped! my post has nothing to do with staying home. i am a working mom. i like to work. i have no desire to stay home full time. i'm not going part time either. i'm just taking a position that has less responsibility, therefore less money, but allows me to leave early when i need to, take work home when i need to, go to a preschool event when i need to without worrying about missing a meeting or a deadline. so my question to everyone has nothing to do with staying home or not staying home or if my job is more important than my kids -- which is ridiculous for anyone to post here. i'm just looking for other working moms experiences with this situation. thanks to those who are providing constructive advice! :o)
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Anonymous
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Here's a story that hopefully is on target:
My husband and I moved to DC from NY a few years ago - no kids at the time but we were hoping. We both had very lucrative careers in NY that we left. We both took positions in DC for much lower $$ but with much more flexibility in hours. I love being able to work as well as being able to leave at 5pm and spend the evening and weekends with my DS without worrying about work. My husband's job is slightly mroe stressful than mine but we have similar "at work" hours and he ends up working from home at night after DS is asleep (in part b/c I think he actually wants to instead of has to). Now, admittedly my job is not nearly as "exciting" as it was before, but for the moment, I'm okay with that b/c of the increased flexibility (and I'm expecting #2 so this will become even more important). And, I do feel that iI still have a "career". But one sort of regret is financial. Since both my husband and I have taken a step down financially, things like saving for retirement and college and even paying our mortgage are much bigger issues. Not to be morbid, but I also worry about if anything were to happen to DH - we have savings & life insurance (I have more insurance through private insurance which DH did not qualify for unfortunately), but this isn't enough to promise total financial stability if anything were to happen to DH. Currently we rely on both of our 2 incomes and it would be hard to manage solely on my own. With one child, tough but doable. With 2, much harder. Overall, I don't regret the taking the lower paying, less prestigous job. I feel I can still have a rewarding career plus get to spend time with my family stress-free. But, the potential financial downside is a concern. if you've already built up a nice cushion and/or your huisband has plenty of life insurance, perhaps this would not be a concern you need to weigh. Hope that helps! |
Anonymous
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Interesting thread.
OP - My story may be helpful as well. After DC#1 was born, I switched to 80% time for 80% pay. I then moved around within the same agency (federal) to a job with less responsibility, outside of my field in order to maintain those hours. My hours are great, and I never work weekends, evenings, no travel. It has been the perfect situation for a few years. I now have 2 small kids and the flexibility and easy hours were what I really needed. I don't miss the money or the prestige or climb. However, due to the switch in jobs that I took, I am now incredibly bored and really unhappy. I was fine with the boredom for a few years because I had my family time, but at this point, it's no longer OK. I'm at the point where I want to find another job that aligns with my interests, however I do not want to work more hours (I'm also OK with a further paycut in order to get there). FOr me, working and keeping my foot on the ladder but not moving up is fine. I think whenever I am ready (if ever) to start the climb again, it is easier if you're in a job. I fear that taking any time off would make it that much harder to find something else. I am tempted to stay home for a few years, but the very real concerns of women on this board are a reminder to make decisions with my eyes wide open. However, stepping back (especially if in an area that you enjoy, but just with less responsibility) is a move that I have absolutely no regrets about. If you hate it, you can always apply for the next big thing that comes along. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I think you might have a couple of us mixed up. My H makes over $1 M; I stay home. And again, stop implying that you somehow value your children more than women who work. It's incredibly patronizing. And I'm someone who stays home! Oh and I've been married as long as you, but that hardly makes me think I am immune to divorce. Money isn't important until you don't have any. You got that right! |
Anonymous
Actually, the posts DID answer your question. The moms above told you they love being at home, they love working part time to have more time with the kids. They told you that they sacrificed money and career aspirations to have more time with their kids. So, if by taking a job that allows you to have more time with your kids at the expense of $$$ and career mobility, then these moms told you that when they made similar sacrifiecs, they had no regrets. No one above said they didn't like to work...what they said is they chose to stay home to spend more time with their kids. The additional hours with the kids, whether a few in your case, or several in a part-timers case, or full time with a SAHM was worth not working, working less hours or in your case finding employment with saner hours. For the moms that went part-time, they, like you are off the career path, but it was worth it. No one posted that that their job was more important than their kids. |
Anonymous
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No one posted that that their job was more important than their kids.
..actually they did. |
Anonymous
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Until recently, I thought how wonderful for kids to have SAHMs. Recently, I learned how a neighborhood girl who is one year older than my dd and has a SAHM is behind my dd in development, vocabulary, short attention span, etc. My point of reference for SAHMs was that they read and do all kinds activities with their kids. Isn't that part of the benefit of being able to stay at home? It's not true for this little girl.
In reference to the PP who commented that working moms value their jobs more than their children, I'd refrain from being Holier than Thou for being a SAHM. Working moms can contribute as much if not more brain stimulation and focused attention, and love on their children than SAHMs. Not all SAHMs are created equal. |
Anonymous
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To 10:53 poster:
How dare you assume that the little girl's development is delayed because of her mother's inadequate parenting! You are foolish and naive. I hope for your ego's sake that your children will always be perfect. |
Anonymous
it's pretty apparent that the little girl's parents do NOT read to her much less spend much personal time with her. Who the HECK are YOU to tell me about my observations?! You are the one who is naive. I often see the little girl on the sidewalk on her trike ALONE and her SAHM is nowhere to be seen. I see the child ALONE at the playground also. |
Anonymous
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Just because you are a SAHM doesn't mean you are lazy, unproductive, and have lots of free time.
There are just as many working moms out there that are lazy, unproductive, and have lots of free time (are you reading this site at your desk, for example?) at their 9-5 job. It's what you make of it. |
Anonymous
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I'm the 10:35 poster. My comment was not meant to accuse ALL SAHMs of being lazy. It was to address the poster who said working moms value their jobs more than their kids. Please. Just because one is a SAHM does not imply that you are so attentive and lovey-dovey and that ALL working moms have their values elsewhere and not on their kids.
In the case of the neighborhood girl, she's only 4 years old, and she has NO supervision. If her father were a Stay at Home Dad, I'd point that out. I'm pointing out that the stay at home parent is not attentive, to her development or to her safety. In the middle of the day, I go home and see her on the sidewalk ALL ALONE. Nobody in earshot if she needed help. Flame, flame, flame. |
Anonymous
I dare say that there's something else going on there. Mom with emotional problems, severe depression perhaps? Not the best example to cite to prove any truism about SAHMs. |
Anonymous
The only stereotype I have of SAHMs is that they are active with their kids: reading to or with them, engaging them in activity. I don't know why you think one comment is brushing a wide stroke over everyone - SAHM or working mom. Get off your high horse SAHM. |