anyone regret taking a step back in their career for family?

[Anonymous]

I regret it. The part time thing was costly from a benefits and retirement standpoint. I am an older mom, and I need the retirement. Also, part time was a headache too. The salary differential was felt in our house. That said, I would have taken a longer (6 mo) maternity leave to feel more complete about breast feeding and so on. That would have been possible in my job.

[Anonymous]

After having my son, I returned to work part-time. I love it! I'm home in the afternoons, have lots of quality time with him, and hardly get stressed (I do most of the house work and shopping). I do like my time at the office, and I work from home, it's "my time", and it brings me balance. My career has definitely been "injured", but I don't regret it. I like knowing I'll be home when he gets out of school-I don't think I'll go back full time-at least not for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to hear from someone with a teenager or older and see if they have any regrets! We really can't know what taking time off did to our career for many years.

My best friend would be a good example. Her son is 14 now; daughter is 12. She stayed home for at least five years then went back to work part-time. Her part-time position was sort of a step down, but she was working for a very important person, which is why she did it. Anyhow, to make a long story short, she is doing amazing in her career now. It's really remarkable. She's at the top of her field, and says she would never do a thing differently - except maybe take even more time off from work. She's my career idol.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret having made a career choice for family (I do not stay home, but took an inferior job at one critical point), but it wasn't costless to me, or my career. I accept that I had to do it, so I can't speak of regret. However, it was costly.

[Anonymous]

I regret staying home. I feel as though my marriage is no longer a marriage of equals. My DH now makes well over $1 M a year, and I am very much aware that I will never make that much having given up 12 years to raise our kids. My retirement security is entirely dependent on him. And I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, older moms, for your candor. I am a partner in a big law firm making more than 900K a year and am concerned about how I will feel 10 years from now if I quit my job. (I have already suffered setbacks for having kids, but can deal with it, though it is not clear for how long I will be employed b/c of it!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, older moms, for your candor. I am a partner in a big law firm making more than 900K a year and am concerned about how I will feel 10 years from now if I quit my job. (I have already suffered setbacks for having kids, but can deal with it, though it is not clear for how long I will be employed b/c of it!)

Then it sounds like you should stay at work. For me, money isn't important. My babies are the most valuable thing I've ever earned. And I say that as someone who wen through nearly a decade of infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then it sounds like you should stay at work. For me, money isn't important. My babies are the most valuable thing I've ever earned. And I say that as someone who wen through nearly a decade of infertility.

I posted just above about my regret about staying home. But for God's sake, that doesn't mean my babies aren't as valuable to me as yours are to you. Geez!

And money would be important if your DH left you. Hope it doesn't happen to you, but it happens to an awfully large number of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I regret staying home. I feel as though my marriage is no longer a marriage of equals. My DH now makes well over $1 M a year, and I am very much aware that I will never make that much having given up 12 years to raise our kids. My retirement security is entirely dependent on him. And I hate it.

sorry to be so nosy, but why did you stay at home for 12 years? I have been home for 3 years now and will return to work when my son is in pre-school, I could never imagine staying at home longer than that.

and maybe it would help to not look at those 12 years as a sacrifice, as something you gave up. You gave your children a gift by being with them and you got a gift yourself by being able to afford to be with them.

[Anonymous]

12 years is easy - I had three kids 3 years apart each. It adds up.

BTW, I think working outside the home is just as great a gift to your children, especially your daughters.

[Anonymous]

I can't live my life worrying that my husband might leave me. I've been married for fifteen years.

As I said, money isn't important to me, and since you told us that you make $900k a year, I can say that my husband makes much less than you do. And I wouldn't go back to work right now at any salary. My children are more important to me and before I know it, they'll be gone and at school all day.

Having said all this, I know that many moms have to work - and others choose to work for a million different personal reasons. But I feel like the luckiest person alive that I don't have to work at this short but most wonderful part of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12 years is easy - I had three kids 3 years apart each. It adds up.

BTW, I think working outside the home is just as great a gift to your children, especially your daughters.

this is not a discussion about whether being a SAHM is better than being a working mom. In these days it is a luxury to be able to stay at home with your kids, it is nothing you can take for granted.

nevertheless, I partially agree with you. I think that me being able to go back to work and re-establish my career will likely encourage my daughter to do the same. I am proud of what I did, because there were many days when I hated being a SAHM. But at the same time I smile at all the moments I got with my kids first hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't live my life worrying that my husband might leave me. I've been married for fifteen years.

As I said, money isn't important to me, and since you told us that you make $900k a year, I can say that my husband makes much less than you do. And I wouldn't go back to work right now at any salary. My children are more important to me and before I know it, they'll be gone and at school all day.

Having said all this, I know that many moms have to work - and others choose to work for a million different personal reasons. But I feel like the luckiest person alive that I don't have to work at this short but most wonderful part of my life.

I think you might have a couple of us mixed up. My H makes over $1 M; I stay home. And again, stop implying that you somehow value your children more than women who work. It's incredibly patronizing. And I'm someone who stays home!

Oh and I've been married as long as you, but that hardly makes me think I am immune to divorce. Money isn't important until you don't have any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, older moms, for your candor. I am a partner in a big law firm making more than 900K a year and am concerned about how I will feel 10 years from now if I quit my job. (I have already suffered setbacks for having kids, but can deal with it, though it is not clear for how long I will be employed b/c of it!)

I wouldn't leave a job that I was making 900K a year! I couldn't leave my job and I was only making 80K a year. Now that I'm part-time, it's not nearly that much, but it was hard to leave my "money". No regrets here. Love my son, love my job. I've created a good balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't live my life worrying that my husband might leave me. I've been married for fifteen years.

As I said, money isn't important to me, and since you told us that you make $900k a year, I can say that my husband makes much less than you do. And I wouldn't go back to work right now at any salary. My children are more important to me and before I know it, they'll be gone and at school all day.

Having said all this, I know that many moms have to work - and others choose to work for a million different personal reasons. But I feel like the luckiest person alive that I don't have to work at this short but most wonderful part of my life.

I think you might have a couple of us mixed up. My H makes over $1 M; I stay home. And again, stop implying that you somehow value your children more than women who work. It's incredibly patronizing. And I'm someone who stays home!

Oh and I've been married as long as you, but that hardly makes me think I am immune to divorce. Money isn't important until you don't have any.

then why the hell are you still staying home after 12 years????