IL running commentary about how DH and I don’t drink a lot

[Anonymous]

This one is pretty clear. They can’t stop themselves from drinking, they feel like it’s wrong somehow, but if everyone is doing it, they feel like it’s ok.

I’d stop stocking a full bar for them. Provide a whole bunch of non-alcohol options. See what happens.

[Anonymous]

I get this kid of talk a lot from various people, as DH is now 11 years in AA and I stopped drinking 8 years ago after realizing it sometimes lead to something I regretted.

The people who make comments have problems with their own definition of why they drink or relax, and can’t understand why others don’t do it their way.

They are definitely looking for validation of their own behavior.

It does make me uncomfortable so you’re not alone in that.

Shame on them for not recognizing their rude behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are visiting and generally speaking, we all get along. They are great with the kids.

What’s not great is that they drink a lot, and seem to mind very much that DH and I either don’t drink or only have one drink. We keep the bar and fridge stocked for them, they are welcome to a drink any time, but they always urge us to have a drink with them, starting at 5 on the dot, and don’t let up even after dinner.

“Come on…have a REAL drink,” when I have a Diet Coke. “Come on, at least have a glass of wine with dinner” to DH. “FINALLY, she’s having some wine.”

We kind of mmhmm and shrug it off, but how can we get these comments to stop once and for all? It’s weird and the kids are old enough to notice now.

Just inform them that you've decided to quit for health reasons or just flat out say no we don't want to drink and would appreciate if you don't push it on us.

[Anonymous]

People who defend their drinking or pressure others into joining have two major problems, they are alcoholics and they don't respect boundaries because other people's drinking makes their drinking acceptable and lessens their guilt and embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

OP as a counter example, I’m a non or seldom drinker too. One of my family branches are heavy drinkers and big partiers, but few if any individuals have an alcoholism problem. None of them have ever shamed me for not drinking, to my knowledge. They will offer drinks, and maybe there’s been a “come on, you sure?” or two? But basically no because I’m happy to not drink and have a good time and they are happy people having a good time and drinking. So it’s not like alcohol definitely causes this problem.

[Anonymous]

The ar alcoholics and you our spouse need to keep an eye on them for health and safety.

[Anonymous]

Tell them the story of how your uncle who toube never spoken up died from liver disease after killing his girlfriend in a DUI crash, and you just can't bear the though of going down that path, not with your family genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would drive me to not drink at all when I was around them.

This would drive me drink constantly when I was around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only alcoholics feel this need to pressure others into drinking more.

Actually, alcoholics tend to be glad there’s more for them, and they also typically drink in secret and try not to draw attention to their drinking.

BUT some people, especially people on the way to a drinking problem who still think it is fun, often honestly believe non-drinkers are missing out and/or they want the company.

[Anonymous]

Adding: I try to ignore commentary from relatives and others, but when that fails, I typically am very direct in saying that me, my life, my appearance, etc., are not a subject of discussion for third parties, and that if they can’t control themselves, they should find somewhere else to be.

[Anonymous]

That's so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are visiting and generally speaking, we all get along. They are great with the kids.

What’s not great is that they drink a lot, and seem to mind very much that DH and I either don’t drink or only have one drink. We keep the bar and fridge stocked for them, they are welcome to a drink any time, but they always urge us to have a drink with them, starting at 5 on the dot, and don’t let up even after dinner.

“Come on…have a REAL drink,” when I have a Diet Coke. “Come on, at least have a glass of wine with dinner” to DH. “FINALLY, she’s having some wine.”

We kind of mmhmm and shrug it off, but how can we get these comments to stop once and for all? It’s weird and the kids are old enough to notice now.

My late 80s Uncle in senior living is like this now. Not a heavy drinker. Has a drink every night and thinks it is rude for people not to have a drink with dinner etc. He literally goes off on all the people in SL every time I call. Basically anyone refusing.drink for whatever reason is a Neanderthal.

[Anonymous]

I just ignore it.

Truthfully, I get the same comments about not eating dessert every single solitary time I go out to dinner you’re not having dessert?

Or at a birthday party you’re not having cake?

We’re at a Christmas cookie thing you’re not eating cookies?

No, I’m not. I don’t really like dessert.

[Anonymous]

I recommend being like me and having a brain tumor. If people pressure me I can say “Alcohol is really bad for my brain tumor.” That shuts them up quick!

[Anonymous]

I would say, “I honestly just don’t seem to drink much at all. But I have no problem if you do. Truly! I know it’s much more of a habit for others.” Let he dwell on that for a bit!