IL running commentary about how DH and I don’t drink a lot

[Anonymous]

ILs are visiting and generally speaking, we all get along. They are great with the kids.

What’s not great is that they drink a lot, and seem to mind very much that DH and I either don’t drink or only have one drink. We keep the bar and fridge stocked for them, they are welcome to a drink any time, but they always urge us to have a drink with them, starting at 5 on the dot, and don’t let up even after dinner.

“Come on…have a REAL drink,” when I have a Diet Coke. “Come on, at least have a glass of wine with dinner” to DH. “FINALLY, she’s having some wine.”

We kind of mmhmm and shrug it off, but how can we get these comments to stop once and for all? It’s weird and the kids are old enough to notice now.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried being direct with them and asking why they have such an issue with your choices?

Maybe hand them some AA literature.

[Anonymous]

Just keep deflecting it and stop thinking about it altogether. Get zen with the idea that this is not about you and not your problem and just keep bouncing it off you and don’t let it take up any brain space, like you have a force field.

[Anonymous]

The first few times, ignore. But after the 15th or 20th time, your spouse should have a gentle discussion - away from you, and preferably with only the less sensitive of them - about that, making clear that they are free to drink or not, and you won't comment, and you ask them same of them.

[Anonymous]

???

I don't know anyone who is like this (and I have plenty of drinkers in my family). Are they functional alcoholics who can't bear to see others have a healthy relationship with their drinks?

I would tell them this flat out, OP: that the more they push me to drink, the further into alcoholism I will believe them to be. If they want me to shut up about their alcoholism, they need to shut up about what I choose to drink.

At this point it's harassment.

[Anonymous]

They're just really insecure about their drinking when you're not. They are worried you're judging them so they want you to drink so you're just as "bad" as they are.

[Anonymous]

It’s a boomer thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a boomer thing.

I don't think it is just a boomer thing. My heavy drinking millennial SIL and BIL comment about our drinking habits too. I assume they are insecure (I'd never say anything about them having the third glass of wine with dinner).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a boomer thing.

Agreed. They’re used to boozing it up with their peers and then they realize that their overindulgence is obvious when others don’t drink as much as they do.

[Anonymous]

They want to drink even more than they are but are feeling self-conscious about it. Too bad for them, they should. Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Only alcoholics feel this need to pressure others into drinking more.

[Anonymous]

Turn the tables on them. "Joe, you are having another drink?"

[Anonymous]

I think they’re concerned about how their drinking looks. Self-conscious as a PP said. I’m a recovering alcoholic and back in the day I wanted others to drink alcohol along with me.

Your DH may want to talk to them about stopping the comments-no accusations, just that the remarks aren’t appreciated.

[Anonymous]

It's an alcoholic or borderline alcoholic thing.

Do they live in the DC metro? This is one of the few places I have lived where I've felt pressure from peers or family here to drink.

[Anonymous]

This is DH's responsibility. He should tell his parents that they're welcome to drink and enjoy themselves, but you two aren't choosing to drink. Please stop asking and making comments about our non-alcoholic drinks.