Curious -- what do you do when your toddler won't even sit down for a meal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read Ellyn Satyr. Maybe I'm just stricter than most. When my children get up from the table they are done. Eating is done in the kitchen at the table during meal and snack times. We do not allow DC to pick at their food, get up, play and come back and pick at the food again. Don't get me wrong, DS eats like 6-8 times a day, but each time it's at the table. I'm probably stricter this way after being subjected to a friend whose children run around restaurants when we go out with them and they are simply allowed to do this (they do it at home as well---pick, get up play and come back and pick some more). FWIW, at preschool they are not allowed to get up when eating either. Like I said, I'm probably stricter than most.

We do something similar.

DD is 3.5 and required to come to the table when a meal is ready. (Oftentimes, I'll enlist her in setting the table in some small way; or in preparing the meal). I'll also ask her to get her Mother when the meal's ready, so she feels involved. If she is busy playing, I'll let her know ahead of time ("We've got 5 minutes until dinner's ready!"). Then I'll ask her to come to the table. If she's still playing with stuff, I'll gently redirect her ("Here let's put that away, Momma's waiting for us to come eat"). Consistency and respect are the key to this stuff.

I have at least one thing she likes to eat (say, bread and pureed sweet potatoes). Once she's at the table, she can stay as long or as short a time as she wants, but if she starts to get down, I'll ask (in a conversational voice), "Oh, are you finished eating?" When she's done, she's done.

On (very rare) occasions, she'll be very hungry when going to bed. If so I'll give her a slice of bread and water

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what is wrong with parents today. We no longer expect our kids to follow basic rules like sitting at the table during meal times. More often than not, they just don't want to stop their play to come eat, even though they are hungry. I have been around toddlers that run around the table during meal times. I find it sad. I expect my 2.5 year old to remain seated during a meal. He is in a booster chair, but does not require the seat belt. If he chooses not to eat, then he talks with us or draws at the table. Op - how does your child do when you are out eating? Do you let him get up and play, or does he remain in his seat for the duration of the meal? I would really like to see more children that can remain seated for a meal, especially out to eat.

This is what's wrong with parents today. I find the ultra-permissiveness of letting a child work on various art-projects--or to read--at the table where the family is gathered at the end of the day to be the height of disrespect. The dining table should be for dining. This really bugs me.

I guess different folks have different standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what is wrong with parents today. We no longer expect our kids to follow basic rules like sitting at the table during meal times. More often than not, they just don't want to stop their play to come eat, even though they are hungry. I have been around toddlers that run around the table during meal times. I find it sad. I expect my 2.5 year old to remain seated during a meal. He is in a booster chair, but does not require the seat belt. If he chooses not to eat, then he talks with us or draws at the table. Op - how does your child do when you are out eating? Do you let him get up and play, or does he remain in his seat for the duration of the meal? I would really like to see more children that can remain seated for a meal, especially out to eat.

This is what's wrong with parents today. I find the ultra-permissiveness of letting a child work on various art-projects--or to read--at the table where the family is gathered at the end of the day to be the height of disrespect. The dining table should be for dining. This really bugs me.

I guess different folks have different standards.

Are you also 15:17, the other "This is what's wrong" poster? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Unfortunately, not all parents raise their children the same way. my stepchild (10) does not eat at the table willingly, and often wants to read, draw or watch TV, which her father has allowed her to do much of her life (and basically still does, despite my requests). It makes it hard for me to get my 2 year old to sit at the table when her older sister does not--i'm sort of at my wit's end, and while I don't wish to engage in power struggles with my stepdaughter I've really had to push hard for 'universal rules'--still half the time it's chaos in the house. Whereas I was raised that we always ate at the table, stayed there until excused, and were responsible for both setting and clearing the dishes.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why some posters are so self-righteous and judgmental! The OP just asked a simple question. The indignation, e.g. 15:17, seems so disproportionate. Maybe these posters are WASP and it's incomprehensible to them that there could be anything different than the WASPY etiquette promoted by Miss Manner.

[Anonymous]

"Unfortunately, not all parents raise their children the same way."

Ha!

[Anonymous]

For those who keep sippys of milk for after dinner, any suggestions on pre-dinner hunger? My DD, who's 18 months, is always hungry when she gets home from daycare. Knowing it'll be 10 minutes before I can feed her (or longer if she's crying/tantrumming), I often give her a cup of milk. But then, perhaps not surprisingly, she's less hungry when she does sit down and eats less. Then sometimes at bedtime she's hungry when she finishes her last cup of milk and I give her dry cereal.

Any suggestions for the just-got-home hunger? I sometimes give her cereal instead of milk, but that's not a great thing to fill up on just before dinner, either. Distraction would be best, but it's hard to distract her while also getting done the few things that need to be done before she eats. FWIW, I tend toward low blood sugar and often snack while prepping dinner so I don't run out of energy myself, so I'm sympthatic to her being hungry and generally in favor of eating when hungry!

Hmm, maybe I could pre-prep some cut up veggies for the pre-dinner graze?

[Anonymous]

When our 2 year old wants down at dinner, we tell her, "Nobody gets down until everybody is done. Are you done?" If she says "yes" then we go around the table: "Daddy, are you done? Is big sister done? Is baby brother done?" Then we sum it up for her: "You're done and sister is done, but Daddy, Mommy and baby aren't done. When EVERYONE is done, we get down."


We don't do toys at the table, but they do each have a special place-mat that I made them with pictures of their favorite movie characters/animals/extended family/etc., so they have something that can occupy themselves by looking at their pictures and talking about what they see.


We are a lot less picky at breakfast, lunch and snack. We also have a post-dinner snack every night. We usually just eat a handful of crackers or something similar, but if they really didn't eat at dinner we might offer yogurt or something a pit more "fillin.'"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another strict parent here. Our 3 yo sits in a booster chair. When he feels he's done he will ask if he can come down. If he hasn't finished his meal, we say no.

Umm. What do you mean by "finished his meal"? Who gets to decide if he's "finished"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22:54 here. DD is 16 months old. We're planning on encouraging her when she is slightly older.

To describe her as a brat is pretty harsh. What 16 m.o. is a brat?!

FWIW, parents in Vietnam let their toddlers run around during "dinner" while holding a bowl of food that the toddler comes to ask for when he/ she is hungry. People do grow up to be normal, functioning kids and adults being raised in different ways. I'll let you know if my daughter is still running laps at the table at 12.

FWIW, we're not in Vietnam. They have plenty of other customs we don't have, and vice versa. It doesn't really make any sense to adopt bits and pieces of other cultures just because you're too lazy to employ the stricter cultural norms of the country you live in. It's common to use your hands to eat in Sri Lanka. Are you doing that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:54 here. DD is 16 months old. We're planning on encouraging her when she is slightly older.

To describe her as a brat is pretty harsh. What 16 m.o. is a brat?!

FWIW, parents in Vietnam let their toddlers run around during "dinner" while holding a bowl of food that the toddler comes to ask for when he/ she is hungry. People do grow up to be normal, functioning kids and adults being raised in different ways. I'll let you know if my daughter is still running laps at the table at 12.

FWIW, we're not in Vietnam. They have plenty of other customs we don't have, and vice versa. It doesn't really make any sense to adopt bits and pieces of other cultures just because you're too lazy to employ the stricter cultural norms of the country you live in. It's common to use your hands to eat in Sri Lanka. Are you doing that?

I think you're assuming too much when you say that "our cultural norms" include strapping your kid into a baby chair at age *3* until they've stuffed themselves with enough food to satisfy their parents' arbitrary measure of "done-ness".

"MORE PEAS, OR YOU'LL STAY THERE ALL NIGHT!!!"

"Cultural norms" are quite varied, even within the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22:54 here. DD is 16 months old. We're planning on encouraging her when she is slightly older.

To describe her as a brat is pretty harsh. What 16 m.o. is a brat?!

FWIW, parents in Vietnam let their toddlers run around during "dinner" while holding a bowl of food that the toddler comes to ask for when he/ she is hungry. People do grow up to be normal, functioning kids and adults being raised in different ways. I'll let you know if my daughter is still running laps at the table at 12.

FWIW, we're not in Vietnam. They have plenty of other customs we don't have, and vice versa. It doesn't really make any sense to adopt bits and pieces of other cultures just because you're too lazy to employ the stricter cultural norms of the country you live in. It's common to use your hands to eat in Sri Lanka. Are you doing that?

I think you're assuming too much when you say that "our cultural norms" include strapping your kid into a baby chair at age *3* until they've stuffed themselves with enough food to satisfy their parents' arbitrary measure of "done-ness".

"MORE PEAS, OR YOU'LL STAY THERE ALL NIGHT!!!"

"Cultural norms" are quite varied, even within the US.

But the Vietnam poster wasn't endorsing a "don't force-feed your kid" policy, she was enforcing a "kids should be allowed to run around and only come to the table for a bite here and there" policy, which can be downright dangerous. In the US, where dinner parties and even dining at restaurants often includes young children, and is a more formal "sit-down" environment, it is dangerous to have a small child wandering around where others (particularly servers carrying heavy, hot trays of food) could trip over or step on the child. I'm not saying your one-year-old should be able to dine at a 5-star restaurant, but teaching your child not to observe the cultural norms of your society is going to make their dining out experiences a lot more difficult.

[Anonymous]

We are of the relaxed side of rules. As a result our DD is a good eater. Food is not at all an issues. At home we sit down to eat, we don't strap her down. We expect her to use her body as a signal for fullness and respect her for it. If she is going to eat, food is availalble on the table. If she wants to play, we let her know she needs to eat because food will not be available after this. She eats what she wants and when she leaves the table she needs to let us know she is full. If says she is full, she can have fun and play.

In restaurants, same rule applies. We don't strap her in, she sits on a big people chair(by choice). She eats until she is full and then she can scribble on the table, play with toys we brough or if she wants to get out she can play near us. Most of the time she chooses to be under the table. This works really well for us because my DH and I can dine out for longer time and can actually have a conversation because she knows mommmy and daddy will stay sitting until we finish eating. At home and in restaurants we take longer than her.

To each their own...stop the judging people..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are of the relaxed side of rules. As a result our DD is a good eater. Food is not at all an issues. At home we sit down to eat, we don't strap her down. We expect her to use her body as a signal for fullness and respect her for it. If she is going to eat, food is availalble on the table. If she wants to play, we let her know she needs to eat because food will not be available after this. She eats what she wants and when she leaves the table she needs to let us know she is full. If says she is full, she can have fun and play.

In restaurants, same rule applies. We don't strap her in, she sits on a big people chair(by choice). She eats until she is full and then she can scribble on the table, play with toys we brough or if she wants to get out she can play near us. Most of the time she chooses to be under the table. This works really well for us because my DH and I can dine out for longer time and can actually have a conversation because she knows mommmy and daddy will stay sitting until we finish eating. At home and in restaurants we take longer than her.

To each their own...stop the judging people..

Is that you, DW, 'cause I could've written this about our family. Absolutely...

[Anonymous]

We're of the more relaxed sort too. I do try to get my dd's to come to the table for dinner, but often if one continues demur that they don't want to come, then they are having to go #2. I don't make meals a battle time. If some of you judge me harshly for that, I don't have a problem with it.