Can attraction grow with a new person? Or don't even go down that path?

[Anonymous]

I settled for someone I was not attracted to. We were compatible. But we should have just stayed friends. Ended things in 10 years. Sexless for the last 6.

Did you go on the date? You won't know if you don't go out at least one more time. But do not settle.

[Anonymous]

This was me. I renovated my DH. After he grew a beard, lost his budding combover, and jettisoned his high school clothes, I was much more attracted to him. We are crazy in love. As a compensation for giving me control over his look, he gets to make some calls about my look. I don’t wear makeup because he wears a beard for me. I keep my hair longer for him and he keeps it shorter for me.

So, your guy can’t do anything about being same height as you. Can you let that go? How much would a different facial hair situation move the needle for you? My guy was very open to suggestions after about two months but he also hadn’t dated before.

[Anonymous]

Nope. NEXT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me. I renovated my DH. After he grew a beard, lost his budding combover, and jettisoned his high school clothes, I was much more attracted to him. We are crazy in love. As a compensation for giving me control over his look, he gets to make some calls about my look. I don’t wear makeup because he wears a beard for me. I keep my hair longer for him and he keeps it shorter for me.

So, your guy can’t do anything about being same height as you. Can you let that go? How much would a different facial hair situation move the needle for you? My guy was very open to suggestions after about two months but he also hadn’t dated before.

I should also mention that DH is a very logical person. He understands that the beard is crucial to my attraction to him. Some people might find that insulting, but not DH. He is an engineer, so he only cares that this arrangement gets him regularly laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have at least one friend who this did work for… She was definitely not physically attracted to her future husband when they met, although he was perfect in every other way. They seem happily married now. I have no idea if she settled, or if she really changed her mind. It seems she is not the only one, based on the responses you’re getting from this question in this forum

Your situation could never work for me. I have never developed an attraction for someone to whom I wasn’t initially attracted even if I thought they were an awesome person. However, I have developed strong attractions to people that I didn’t think were my physical type… Although it happened very quickly, it wasn’t something that happened over time.

Can this work for you? Only you know the answer.

However… If you have to ask the question… I’m guessing you’re leaning towards not.

In my dating life, whenever I wasn’t sure, I would agree to see the person again. After seeing them in person, it does not take long to figure these things out. Stop talking to him on the phone and online and spend as much time together as you can in person. You will get a strong feeling one way or the other.

Charlotte York

[Anonymous]

You have to try kissing him twice at the end of dates, and then you will know for sure. You will almost certainly know on the first one, but sometimes nerves come into play. The butterflies are a good potential sign, so there is some reason for optimism, but if it’s not there quickly, it’s not coming. My DW once confessed that she found me unattractive on the first date, but that radically changed by date 3.

[Anonymous]

OP - you should try kissing for a long time on next date. Sometimes men who I think I’m very attracted to end up just not exciting kissers. I don’t proceed with sex
Often a guy who is not initially attractive to me turns out a real great passionate kisser and I grow on him. It happens by month 3 or so (10 dates and sex for at least a month with Os for me). If a man wants you and can make you feel sexy and have great Os, he can win over

You should know yourself better