Birthday party etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP to add: you don't get to impose your values on other people. Your friends (presumably) have similar values because they are your friends.

Eh not necessarily. I tend to close friends based on whether I find them fun and interesting intellectually. I don’t share major values with several of my friends. I have religious zealot friends and I’m an atheist. None of my friends know who I vote for or my political affiliation. I really don’t mind having friends who don’t share my values.

[Anonymous]

Bring a small gift. The parents likely don’t care, but by three, the birthday girl has been to gift parties. It doesn’t have to cost much. A book or art supplies are all fine.

The invitation was an extension of goodwill and the gift is your way of returning that goodwill.

[Anonymous]

Some people find it rude to mention gifts at all. They don’t want to tell people what to bring or not bring to a party when they weren’t asked.

[Anonymous]

In my circle, any time there is a no gifts party, at least half the kids bring gifts anyway. So it's just an uncomfortable situation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the progressive bleating about sensitivity to privilege and whatnot, I am always surprised at how obsessed my wealthy progressive friends are with no gift parties. They obviously didn’t grow up poor or they’d know that birthday parties are the only time some of us got gifts. It’s virtue signaling. Unless literally everyone in your friend group has lots of money, you’re making the less wealthy families feel embarrassed that they want to their their kids traditional parties and receive gifts. Shows kids who the haves and have nots are.

I don’t think this is true. Some people of immense wealth have gift parties in our circles— because there’s a super controlling/demanding grandmother in the picture who *has* to see Larlo and his pile of gifts. If it’s important to you, have the gifts and just blame a non-existent relative

[Anonymous]

Serious question, does anyone ACTUALLY care about whether a guest brings a gift or not?

I grew up poor and am now upper middle class. We have done both gifts and no gifts parties. We have gone to both gifts and no gifts parties. I just can’t imagine anyone really spending energy to care about if a guest shows up with a gift. I would feel shitty if I knew guests were worried about this, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question, does anyone ACTUALLY care about whether a guest brings a gift or not?

I grew up poor and am now upper middle class. We have done both gifts and no gifts parties. We have gone to both gifts and no gifts parties. I just can’t imagine anyone really spending energy to care about if a guest shows up with a gift. I would feel shitty if I knew guests were worried about this, though.

Yes, I care. If I threw a party for my kid and didn’t specify no gifts, I’d be sad for my child that they didn’t get any because they would expect them. I’ve never told them to expect gifts, but every kid’s book, movie etc involves cake and gifts, so it would be natural for kids to be surprised and disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the progressive bleating about sensitivity to privilege and whatnot, I am always surprised at how obsessed my wealthy progressive friends are with no gift parties. They obviously didn’t grow up poor or they’d know that birthday parties are the only time some of us got gifts. It’s virtue signaling. Unless literally everyone in your friend group has lots of money, you’re making the less wealthy families feel embarrassed that they want to their their kids traditional parties and receive gifts. Shows kids who the haves and have nots are.

I don’t think this is true. Some people of immense wealth have gift parties in our circles— because there’s a super controlling/demanding grandmother in the picture who *has* to see Larlo and his pile of gifts. If it’s important to you, have the gifts and just blame a non-existent relative

We started doing "no gifts" parties last year because we simply had too much junk in our house, whether it was new toys we were given or hand-me-downs. It's not virtue-signaling. It's about the fact that the more stuff you have, the harder it is to keep your house clean, and that our kids don't enjoy each individual toy as much if they have too much selection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the progressive bleating about sensitivity to privilege and whatnot, I am always surprised at how obsessed my wealthy progressive friends are with no gift parties. They obviously didn’t grow up poor or they’d know that birthday parties are the only time some of us got gifts. It’s virtue signaling. Unless literally everyone in your friend group has lots of money, you’re making the less wealthy families feel embarrassed that they want to their their kids traditional parties and receive gifts. Shows kids who the haves and have nots are.

Unrelated, but where are you from? Curious re "whatnot" usage (a fav. term of a sibling not in this area).

Don’t you know it’s racist and xenophobic to ask people where they are “really” from? Way to other someone.

What are you talking about? Sibling referenced lives in Erie PA.

Not sure what "othering" has to do with this, but you, pp, don't hurt yourself patting your back for such a call-out good deed!!! weirdo.

[Anonymous]

An overzealous attempt to apply the concept I would add.

[Anonymous]

It would be sooo rude to not bring a gift, maybe the last invite you’ll get.

[Anonymous]

my new favorite gift at kids parties is a gift card for an ice cream place or fast food - usually $10-15 and sometimes stickers or a coloring book. fun for the kid, easy for you and no clutter.

[Anonymous]

If a gift is not mentioned then it is customary to bring a gift. Since you don't know the child well, a $10 stuffed animal would be great.

[Anonymous]

I feel the more important question to ask is whether the host has planned the party in an inclusive way? Is the entire class invited / no one excluded?

Have they inquired with all parent(s) / caregivers about appropriate accommodations which may be needed?