Is it irresponsible to free-range a destructive defiant tween?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid has known issues respecting safety rules and adults generally, should you watch them more closely at public events, or do you just unleash them onto the world?

You may feel entitled to dump your destructive sociopathic s**thead onto your local public school, or shove cash over to some parochial private for some special attention, but outside of school, do you think it's fair to the rest of us to let him out of your sight, knowing he'll likely go wreak havoc all around, hoping it won't come back to you?

I think you don't understand some truly difficult mental health disorders?

Sometimes there is no solution, OP. Some parents are literally killed by their mentally ill children. Some parents have to renounce their guardianship of their own bio kid so that they can be institutionalized by the state, in order to not live in fear in their own homes, and in order for their other children to feel safe. It takes a while to get there.

I take it you're not ranting about some run-of-the-mill kid behavior.

Even assuming we are talking about that strawman of "truly difficult mental health disorder" in a tween, you do think it's ok to free-range that kid?

Sorry, I can't talk to someone who uses that word in the context of serious mental disorders.

Right. You're inventing/projecting the context of serious mental disorder. That is what makes it a strawman. I'm referring to destructive sociopathic shithead tweens. You should assume that 'sociopathic', when apposed to 'shithead' is as much hyperbole and frustration as it is a wild diagnostic guess.

No, it’s not okay. Most kids aren’t like this at all but for the rare few who are just s$$theads, yes their parents should keep a closer eye on them. We live in a neighborhood of families. The majority of kids, with helicoptering parents or free range parents, are completely fine. There are two families (out of hundreds) who have a kid who is trouble. One is a mean mean girl and the other is a mean bullying boys. Both sets of parents seem fine, both have siblings who seem fine. But a lot of us wish their parents would keep a closer eye on those kids.

What do these kids do, OP?

I’m not the OP but I posted the above.

The boy repeatedly mocked and bullied other kids on the school bus, including a girl with Down syndrome and a disabled boy. He threatened other kids and deliberately tripped them. He vandalized other houses, entered their garages, and then ran to other houses for sanctuary. He threw stuff at cars at night and then hid in other people’s yards behind their bushes (video and audio showed this -Ring).

The girl provoked fights and the videoed the reaction and immediately posted on social media. She took pictures of people (boys and girls) and circled their flaws and made fun of their clothes. Apparently she’s done quite a number of other things but other parents just shudder and say stay away.

While my kids have witnessed this, they’ve never been targets.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s irresponsible

[Anonymous]

free-range parenting is sort of irresponsible by default, isn't it? So yeah, this is irresponsible.

I think the question you tried to answer in the OP is "is this problematic?" and my answer would be "it depends".

If you're okay with the possible outcomes of turning your kid loose, including arrests, permanent record, serious harm, then go for it. Should your kid be everyone else's responsibility? I guess that depends on who you ask, but ultimately, we're responsible for each other. That's part of being in a society.

Thing is, if I find your punkass kid first, they're going to learn a lesson or six you obviously didn't teach them at home. No squealing from you, no "that's so unfair" and no jumping in to defend your kid. If you want it done your way, do it yourself. If you're not going to do the job, you've got to accept that, on a long enough timeline, someone else will probably have to, and it might not play out the way you'd hoped for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:free-range parenting is sort of irresponsible by default, isn't it? So yeah, this is irresponsible.

I think the question you tried to answer in the OP is "is this problematic?" and my answer would be "it depends".

If you're okay with the possible outcomes of turning your kid loose, including arrests, permanent record, serious harm, then go for it. Should your kid be everyone else's responsibility? I guess that depends on who you ask, but ultimately, we're responsible for each other. That's part of being in a society.

Thing is, if I find your punkass kid first, they're going to learn a lesson or six you obviously didn't teach them at home. No squealing from you, no "that's so unfair" and no jumping in to defend your kid. If you want it done your way, do it yourself. If you're not going to do the job, you've got to accept that, on a long enough timeline, someone else will probably have to, and it might not play out the way you'd hoped for your kid.

Who are you talking to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine for a teen. They are old enough to make choices and live with the consequences. A few talks with the police might actually help.

That teen could hurt or kill someone else. Its not the police's job to talk to your kid. That's a parenting responsibility and you need to step up and parent your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine for a teen. They are old enough to make choices and live with the consequences. A few talks with the police might actually help.

That teen could hurt or kill someone else. Its not the police's job to talk to your kid. That's a parenting responsibility and you need to step up and parent your kids.

NP and we had a discussion at dinner tonight with my teens on what was and wasn’t safe. A friend’s parents is appalled at their unsafe behavior because we let them go out to eat on the weekends and stay out until 10. They think this is wild, free range, irresponsible and not safe. We think it is completely fine for teens to be out until 10 at a weekend. We think it is pretty mild and innocent, they could be doing a lot worse than a late night dinner.

As we explained to our teens, everyone parents differently. People shouldn’t complain about others and you can’t tell others how to parent their kids. What some think is dangerous behavior, others think is fine.