Is it irresponsible to free-range a destructive defiant tween?

[Anonymous]

If your kid has known issues respecting safety rules and adults generally, should you watch them more closely at public events, or do you just unleash them onto the world?

You may feel entitled to dump your destructive sociopathic s**thead onto your local public school, or shove cash over to some parochial private for some special attention, but outside of school, do you think it's fair to the rest of us to let him out of your sight, knowing he'll likely go wreak havoc all around, hoping it won't come back to you?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure why you framed your post as a question as you are not really asking a question at all. You are giving your answer (NO!) and are clearly upset at somebody who did that. Maybe you could have just told the story and we could have had something to say

[Anonymous]

Ok op. What’s going on?

[Anonymous]

Totally fine for a teen. They are old enough to make choices and live with the consequences. A few talks with the police might actually help.

[Anonymous]

What makes you think the parents can control their teen, OP?

My teens are rule-followers and the neighbor teen is... not. Emphatically so. My neighbor is an upright and kind person. She cannot control him. His father can't either. He can get his car taken away, his phone taken away, no money... and he'll still consume drugs at our kids' public high school, and get money and rides from his friends. He decided he wouldn't be a burden on his parents and is going to the local community college, which his parents are willing to pay for.

He's actually a nice kid and has the capacity to straighten out and be a contributing member of a society, as soon as he gets his night time shenanigans, that disturb my sleep, out of the way. I also hope he doesn't die of a laced pill before that. I've known him since he shared a Kindergarten class with my kid. They were friends back then. I don't want any harm to come to him.

And that's before we get to autistic/schizophrenic/other behavior in public. Because from your description, maybe there's a mental health disorder involved, in which case you're an arse for blaming the parents.

[Anonymous]

Describe the actual behavior.

[Anonymous]

If they can't be safe, why even take them to public events?

[Anonymous]

I'm delighted that this kid found OP.

[Anonymous]

OP said tween. Not a teen.

[Anonymous]

Gotta say, OP, the disdain you dish out to schools, kids and parents makes me think you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think the parents can control their teen, OP?

My teens are rule-followers and the neighbor teen is... not. Emphatically so. My neighbor is an upright and kind person. She cannot control him. His father can't either. He can get his car taken away, his phone taken away, no money... and he'll still consume drugs at our kids' public high school, and get money and rides from his friends. He decided he wouldn't be a burden on his parents and is going to the local community college, which his parents are willing to pay for.

He's actually a nice kid and has the capacity to straighten out and be a contributing member of a society, as soon as he gets his night time shenanigans, that disturb my sleep, out of the way. I also hope he doesn't die of a laced pill before that. I've known him since he shared a Kindergarten class with my kid. They were friends back then. I don't want any harm to come to him.

And that's before we get to autistic/schizophrenic/other behavior in public. Because from your description, maybe there's a mental health disorder involved, in which case you're an arse for blaming the parents.

Your entire response is about a teen old enough to get a job. The OP is about free ranging a tWeen. So, with the topic back in focus, are parents of an unsupervised 10-12 year old to blame for the shit they do? To focus it even further, let's assume the free range kid's family is firmly UMC, i.e. parents might be tired from theiir white collar job, not from 14 hour days doordashing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said tween. Not a teen.

Same difference. Most tweens are too big to manhandle, in which case, what do you do if they're stubborn enough to run away? I mean, clearly OP hasn't been around serious cases. OP probably wants all of us to tell her that those parents are crappy for neglecting/spoiling their kid, but sometimes, that's just not what's happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think the parents can control their teen, OP?

My teens are rule-followers and the neighbor teen is... not. Emphatically so. My neighbor is an upright and kind person. She cannot control him. His father can't either. He can get his car taken away, his phone taken away, no money... and he'll still consume drugs at our kids' public high school, and get money and rides from his friends. He decided he wouldn't be a burden on his parents and is going to the local community college, which his parents are willing to pay for.

He's actually a nice kid and has the capacity to straighten out and be a contributing member of a society, as soon as he gets his night time shenanigans, that disturb my sleep, out of the way. I also hope he doesn't die of a laced pill before that. I've known him since he shared a Kindergarten class with my kid. They were friends back then. I don't want any harm to come to him.

And that's before we get to autistic/schizophrenic/other behavior in public. Because from your description, maybe there's a mental health disorder involved, in which case you're an arse for blaming the parents.

Your entire response is about a teen old enough to get a job. The OP is about free ranging a tWeen. So, with the topic back in focus, are parents of an unsupervised 10-12 year old to blame for the shit they do? To focus it even further, let's assume the free range kid's family is firmly UMC, i.e. parents might be tired from theiir white collar job, not from 14 hour days doordashing.

Again, a description of the actual behavior would be helpful. Because there are special needs to consider. I have an autistic neighbor. He's eloped multiple times, sometimes in the altogether. What do you think his parents should do that they're not already doing? You want to be in that situation?

I just really dislike your judgemental tone. You're careful to avoid describing what actually happened, yet you're looking for sympathy and mob-style group think. This is not how you get people on your side, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid has known issues respecting safety rules and adults generally, should you watch them more closely at public events, or do you just unleash them onto the world?

You may feel entitled to dump your destructive sociopathic s**thead onto your local public school, or shove cash over to some parochial private for some special attention, but outside of school, do you think it's fair to the rest of us to let him out of your sight, knowing he'll likely go wreak havoc all around, hoping it won't come back to you?

I think you don't understand some truly difficult mental health disorders?

Sometimes there is no solution, OP. Some parents are literally killed by their mentally ill children. Some parents have to renounce their guardianship of their own bio kid so that they can be institutionalized by the state, in order to not live in fear in their own homes, and in order for their other children to feel safe. It takes a while to get there.

I take it you're not ranting about some run-of-the-mill kid behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid has known issues respecting safety rules and adults generally, should you watch them more closely at public events, or do you just unleash them onto the world?

You may feel entitled to dump your destructive sociopathic s**thead onto your local public school, or shove cash over to some parochial private for some special attention, but outside of school, do you think it's fair to the rest of us to let him out of your sight, knowing he'll likely go wreak havoc all around, hoping it won't come back to you?

I think you don't understand some truly difficult mental health disorders?

Sometimes there is no solution, OP. Some parents are literally killed by their mentally ill children. Some parents have to renounce their guardianship of their own bio kid so that they can be institutionalized by the state, in order to not live in fear in their own homes, and in order for their other children to feel safe. It takes a while to get there.

I take it you're not ranting about some run-of-the-mill kid behavior.

Even assuming we are talking about that strawman of "truly difficult mental health disorder" in a tween, you do think it's ok to free-range that kid?