Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wrote the long post above. Lots of people focusing on punishments for your kid. Please consider changing your communication style and consider that your daughter may not be able to help her reactions - especially if she is tired after school. Even if you swear your kid doesn’t have ADHD, there is no downside to communicating respectfully and scaffolding executive function skills. I think of how I would want my boss or a coworker to interact with me. If you had a coworker who just shouted over your cube wall randomly or if your boss expected you to drop everything and meet with her on demand any time ane popped by your office, you would be annoyed too.
I have ADHD and one of my kids probably does as well. My mom does not, but she is really anxious and talks non-stop in a stream of conscious way that just assumes people around her are like Alexa/Siri always listening and waiting to chime in. I acted a lot like OP’s daughter when I was a teen because my mom was constantly interrupting my focus with her interruptions - some important, but many not. Additionally her anxiety presents as worrying a lot about what other people think and always wanting to think ahead and be prepared / mitigate potential risks. This results in a constant stream of corrections, advice, checking if I thought of X, etc.
When you have ADHD it is really hard to get back on task when you are disrupted a
if you are in a flow and hyper focused. It can feel really jarring when someone snaps you out of it. If the thing that keeps interrupting you is a mom whose comments come off as critical, it’s a perfect recipe for anger. My mom claims she is just trying to be helpful and I believe she means well, but even as a medicated adult who knows she can’t help it - it’s annoying as hell.
Wait for a good time to talk. That might mean waiting for your kid to finished a level on their game or the page they are reading. Develop a signal that tells them “please find a stopping point”. When they pause, make sure you have their full attention. Gather your thoughts and tell the kid multiple things at once to minimize the number of times you talk to them. Write them on a list or have the kid write them down or repeat them back - depending on what works for your kid. Then leave them alone and don’t check in unless they blow past the time they said they would stop playing the game and do homework- and then it’s one gentle reminder. For my kid, I just walk past and put my hand on his shoulder for a few seconds and he finds the next stopping point. For my younger kid, I signal him but also wait to make sure the transition happens.
This seems nuts - but it helps your kids not overreact or shut down - and helps them build the skills to set a time limit and transition on their own.
Sorry, but most people do this instinctively as part of their internal assessing and decisioning making process.
If your child does not, therapist say to “narrative aloud” the process to your ND child so they pick it up. Over and over.
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