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discretion with scandalous situation
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Anonymous
| Madoff's niece was seen on the news.... |
Anonymous
Oh yes. This! |
Anonymous
Ok, sure. But who *really* would recognize her. I mean you really really really have to have a great memory for faces or the person has to really really really be in the news to the point of saturation. I wouldn't be able to pick her face out of a crowd. |
Anonymous
But does she live in NY or the DC area. How would OP work with her? |
Anonymous
| I can't think of the guys last name now but I wonder if it is the lacrosse player from UVA killed his girlfriend? They both were from this area!!! |
aprilmayjune
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I guess for ME.. it would depend if the coworker was constantly talking about this relative a lot or if she just knew of the relative because she recognized the coworker in the news.. If it's not someone that they talk about, or are showing support for, than the crime honestly wouldn't matter.. Because they are related, that doesn't make the coworker a criminal also you know? So it wouldn't really be fair to judge based on that. I guess that's all I really meant.. I can understand what you're saying though, if she is a "name dropping coworker' than I guess it would matter to me also. ETA: Nevermind, I reread the post now, and I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from.. the OP does state that she is talking about this person regularly in day to day conversation so I should say that I understand why the crime would matter and yes it would for me too, and if the OP can just clarify whether it was something heinous or something financial or something like that (without having to give too many details or anything just letting us know how severe this crime was) it might make it easier to answer your question. |
Anonymous
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why does it even bother you? shut up and do your job...seriously!
Some people have nothing "real" to worry about. it does not affect you, so why are you even wasting energy on it? |
Anonymous
That's George Huguely... |
Anonymous
You're probably uneasy because it's an inherently uncomfortable situation. And she's making it worse by bringing the person up a lot. So there's often a huge elephant in the room and you don't know how to behave. No one does. It's not like there's a Miss Manners rule for dealing with something like this. My best advice is to be gracious and kind. Your colleaue is obviously under stress and way more uncomfortable about all this than you are. So be compassionate. Respond in whatever way seems to make your colleague most comfortable. If pretending she's talking about some other random family member seems to work for her, stick with that. I know this is awkward and weird for you, but if you show her social kindness and don't judge her for the actions of her family member, you may be giving her a real gift during a horrible time. |
Anonymous
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PP has a very humane response and good advice.
But I wonder why the co-worker is mentioning these things. Surely you can go through your workday without blabbing about your private life? Especially one with sensitive information? Surely this individual knows that listeners are going to be embarrassed? Or is that the goal, trying to tell people that even criminals can have lovely normal day-to-day lives? The co-worker is either 1. awkwardly trying to project that all is normal 2. or trying to get a rise out of you. Either way, ignore it. |
Anonymous
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Let the co-worker alone. I suspect the co-worker is trying to pretend everything is OK, so why not let her live in her fantasy?
If it bothers you, then either (1) complain to your manager or (2) start looking elsewhere depending on where your co-worker is in the office hierarchy/politics. If it's harming your work, document to the extent you are able and print it out. |
Anonymous
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OP, here's how I'd handle it, for what it's worth. Not necessarily the best way, but what I'd honestly probably do.
I'd smile and nod. I'd say something along the lines of "Huh. Far out." I'd do my best to let it fall out my other ear. Then I'd change the subject. |
Anonymous
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Frankly, I'd take my cues from your coworker. She/he seems pretty matter-of-fact about it, and probably assumes that yes, you've heard of this person. Since she/he hasn't made any secret of it, you could probably ask about the person if you're really curious. Otherwise, I'd probably just act like they're talking about any other person when the name comes up.
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Anonymous
Huguely hasn't been prosecuted yet. I don't know who you are referring to as the serial stabber from Israel. It's so Abramoff. |
Anonymous
Would you call Abramoff's a "major major heinous crime"? I wouldn't. Wildly unethical? Yes. But not "heinous". He was doing the same thing that dozens of others do every day, and he got caught. He didn't murder anyone, or keep undocumented immigrants chained in his basement. My money is on one of Robert Wone's roomies. The story is local AND recent. Even though they were aquitted, no one seems to have any doubt that they were somehow involved. And OP says the relative was involved and prosecuted, not guilty and convicted. Sorry your thread devolved, OP. But it was kind of inevitable. |