Explain this marital phenomenon

[Anonymous]

Frequent work travel ruined our marriage in part due to the dynamic OP described. Ex expected a welcome wagon. And I was just irritated at working and caring for the kids I’m his absence. And they he would start up with the criticism of how I had managed things while he was done.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I'm always so grouchy when I get back from a trip because I hate traveling. I probably haven't slept in days. I've eaten nothing but junk. I'm completely overstimulated. And usually, I get home and the house is a complete wreck. I don't have any advice. This is just how it is.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this happens to you, OP. This does not happen to us, but we are different people than you, and fight at different times.

So, lean into it - when you pick up your spouse maybe you can identify it - mention it - say you don't want to bicker and can you share one thing you are grateful for?

I mean, there are many ways to get around this recurring cycle you have, you just need to identify when it is happening, and change your response. Drop your end of the rope and there will not be a tug of war.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When away my spouse sends flirty texts, talks about what they’d want to do if I were there; get home and its dead eyes.
The idea of me is better than the real me

This is true. I'm a much better spouse far away from my husband.