Should we tell the truth about why we can’t do play dates anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Do not tell them why unless you want the friendship to end. Just be "busy."

It sounds like the friendship is going to end either way. I would just tell them if they ask. Fading and ghosting is so rude.

[Anonymous]

No, let it go. Just don’t accept or offer invitation. Being “too busy” or consistently not available is an understood euphemism for you don’t want to get together and do not value that relationship/friendship, the exact reason doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are putting the teachers in an awkward spot asking them to keep two kids apart when they are friends. What if other kid goes home and says Miss Mary says I am not allowed to play with Larlo any more?

The teacher is just going to ignore request. She may not intentionally group them together for a project, but she is certainly not going to be policing them to make sure there is zero interacting in class or on the playground

I actually would assume that all OP expected when mentioning this to the teacher is that they not intentionally group them together. Sometimes when kids have a rep for being "best friends" teachers will instinctively put them in groups together. Especially if one of them is a troublemaker and the other is well behaved -- they will hope the well behaved kid will rub off on their misbehaving friend. But a parent can put a stop to this by letting teachers know that the reverse is happening -- the well behaved kid's behavior is suffering due to the influence of the other kid and soon they'll just have two troublemakers on their hands. Teachers appreciate this heads up and are usually happy to comply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid’s good friend has behavioral issues and everytime we have a play date, kid ends up acting worse and regressing. We’ve decided to stop all playdates and to tell the teachers to keep them apart. Should we be honest with the parent as to why we aren’t doing play dates anymore or just say we aren’t available when asked?

No. Please don't. Just keep making up white lies. They will get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Do not tell them why unless you want the friendship to end. Just be "busy."

It sounds like the friendship is going to end either way. I would just tell them if they ask. Fading and ghosting is so rude.

If anything you need to take blame as well. Even if you don't believe it.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5th grader and a 2nd grader. When I feel like one of their friendships isn't going well, I just back off for a bit. Normally it sorts itself out. We had one neighbor friend who we had to take a break from for a bit. I did not tell the other mom we were taking a break. I just avoided getting the kids together in a natural way. Said no a few times, stopped initiating etc. After 6 months my kid had had enough breathing space, so we were able to then see them SOME. We never went back to the amount we did before. Now they can casually hang out without any issues and Im' glad I didn't ostracize the mom by telling her that her child was annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, let it go. Just don’t accept or offer invitation. Being “too busy” or consistently not available is an understood euphemism for you don’t want to get together and do not value that relationship/friendship, the exact reason doesn’t matter.

Agree with this. Being honest is a surefire way to start a full-on feud. I had a kid like this and I just stopped inviting him over, and when he would show up uninvited (which was often) we were always "busy." This was complicated because they lived across the street! Luckily they moved.