Elderly parent on feeding tube

[Anonymous]

They will starve and dehydrate to death. The organs will shut down, one by one. It's really not as bad as it sounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no OP. You should not have forced a feeding tube on her if she gave a thumbs down. ☹️

My father was very mentally alert and had cancer and went into hospice with all his mental faculties and was very cognizant of what was to come. It’s hard. They manage pain and anxiety. It’s scary but it is what it is.

You people are truly disgusting. Jumping and attacking me and my family like a bunch of ugly shews. You don’t know the entire situation. She changed her mind. Wants more time to say goodbye to family, including people not in town yet but traveling to see her today.

Good riddance to you ugly people. Thanks to the RN for answering the question. The rest of you couldn’t, just jumped in to give your ugly unsolicited opinions.

Ahd for you ugly shrews who will jump in to defend yourselves by claiming ‘you didn’t give us all the info’ or ‘but blah blah’. NO. Jumping on a message board to start spewing opinions and judgment to someone losing a parent is truly disgusting. You’re rushing to judge me and my family? Look at the ugliness in the mirror.

Get off this board and talk to your medical professionals in real life who have information you need. Lashing out at random people on the internet is not productive. Good luck to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no OP. You should not have forced a feeding tube on her if she gave a thumbs down. ☹️

My father was very mentally alert and had cancer and went into hospice with all his mental faculties and was very cognizant of what was to come. It’s hard. They manage pain and anxiety. It’s scary but it is what it is.

You people are truly disgusting. Jumping and attacking me and my family like a bunch of ugly shews. You don’t know the entire situation. She changed her mind. Wants more time to say goodbye to family, including people not in town yet but traveling to see her today.

Good riddance to you ugly people. Thanks to the RN for answering the question. The rest of you couldn’t, just jumped in to give your ugly unsolicited opinions.

You literally said you talked her into it.

I would gently suggest your anger is at the grief you are going through and not the helpful advice you have been given here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no OP. You should not have forced a feeding tube on her if she gave a thumbs down. ☹️

My father was very mentally alert and had cancer and went into hospice with all his mental faculties and was very cognizant of what was to come. It’s hard. They manage pain and anxiety. It’s scary but it is what it is.

You people are truly disgusting. Jumping and attacking me and my family like a bunch of ugly shews. You don’t know the entire situation. She changed her mind. Wants more time to say goodbye to family, including people not in town yet but traveling to see her today.

Good riddance to you ugly people. Thanks to the RN for answering the question. The rest of you couldn’t, just jumped in to give your ugly unsolicited opinions.

You literally said you talked her into it.

I would gently suggest your anger is at the grief you are going through and not the helpful advice you have been given here.

NP - can you lay off the grieving child who is trying to do what's best for her mom? She did the responsible thing by following up to be entirely sure her mom wants to stop life saving treatment. I'm truly frightened that some of you would take a thumbs down to a feeding tube discussion so literally that you are ready to pull the plug on your parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no OP. You should not have forced a feeding tube on her if she gave a thumbs down. ☹️

My father was very mentally alert and had cancer and went into hospice with all his mental faculties and was very cognizant of what was to come. It’s hard. They manage pain and anxiety. It’s scary but it is what it is.

You people are truly disgusting. Jumping and attacking me and my family like a bunch of ugly shews. You don’t know the entire situation. She changed her mind. Wants more time to say goodbye to family, including people not in town yet but traveling to see her today.

Good riddance to you ugly people. Thanks to the RN for answering the question. The rest of you couldn’t, just jumped in to give your ugly unsolicited opinions.

You literally said you talked her into it.

I would gently suggest your anger is at the grief you are going through and not the helpful advice you have been given here.

NP - can you lay off the grieving child who is trying to do what's best for her mom? She did the responsible thing by following up to be entirely sure her mom wants to stop life saving treatment. I'm truly frightened that some of you would take a thumbs down to a feeding tube discussion so literally that you are ready to pull the plug on your parent.

I am fascinated when people project details on to a poster’s story to bolster their own point of view.

[Anonymous]

Ask your mom if she wants the tube out. She can nod her head, yes?

[Anonymous]

I would just add that we were also told that feeding tubes are very uncomfortable for the patient. It’s fighting against what the body wants to do. The natural shutting down process is not painful.

But also spend time talking and letting her know that it’s ok to let go and that everyone will be just fine.

It’s a hard time.

[Anonymous]

RN here again. What I'm going to suggest may not work depending on how alert she is. And you also may not take it well because it sounds "harsher" than I mean it over text.

If she's able to , she needs to have this discussion with her providers without you there. Have the SW be part of it. It's not uncommon for the person who is I'll to feel "pressure" to choose things for their family's sake vs what they really want to do. I'm not saying you're pressuring , its just their own feelings. I've had many patients throughout my career tell me their wishes are different once their family has left the room. They just didn't want to tell them that they were actually ready to pass because they knew their family wanted them to stay alive, but they didn't want to live like this.

Also, if she's still in the ICU that means most of this is pretty new and you're still in the shock stages of what happened. You and she and the rest of your family don't have to make any decisions right now. Let yourselves process what is going on. Gather as much info.as you can.

The only thing I will say is make sure you know what she wants should something happen. Does she want to be intubated? Does she want to be kept alive no matter what? Is there a time frame where if she's not responsive anymore that she doesn't want to be kept alive? If she has another stroke that will leave her immobile does she want to be kept alive ? What about non verbal? These are things I encourage EVERYONE to discuss with their loved ones, no matter their age or health.

[Anonymous]

Is it a g-tube or an ng-tube?

[Anonymous]

Can we please just say “die.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no OP. You should not have forced a feeding tube on her if she gave a thumbs down. ☹️

My father was very mentally alert and had cancer and went into hospice with all his mental faculties and was very cognizant of what was to come. It’s hard. They manage pain and anxiety. It’s scary but it is what it is.

You people are truly disgusting. Jumping and attacking me and my family like a bunch of ugly shews. You don’t know the entire situation. She changed her mind. Wants more time to say goodbye to family, including people not in town yet but traveling to see her today.

Good riddance to you ugly people. Thanks to the RN for answering the question. The rest of you couldn’t, just jumped in to give your ugly unsolicited opinions.

You literally said you talked her into it.

I would gently suggest your anger is at the grief you are going through and not the helpful advice you have been given here.

NP - can you lay off the grieving child who is trying to do what's best for her mom? She did the responsible thing by following up to be entirely sure her mom wants to stop life saving treatment. I'm truly frightened that some of you would take a thumbs down to a feeding tube discussion so literally that you are ready to pull the plug on your parent.

Do you have a DNR? If you did, they wouldn't do a feeding tube.

[Anonymous]

Let her pass peacefully if that's not what she wants. She will probably have no qualify of life and you are keeping her alive for you not her. Its time. I'm sorry you are going through this.

My sibling forced unnecessary medical care including surgery on my dad. He made it through the surgery but with all the other health issues, he wasn't going to make it. She forced him to live on a vent for a week. It was far worse than death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no OP. You should not have forced a feeding tube on her if she gave a thumbs down. ☹️

My father was very mentally alert and had cancer and went into hospice with all his mental faculties and was very cognizant of what was to come. It’s hard. They manage pain and anxiety. It’s scary but it is what it is.

You people are truly disgusting. Jumping and attacking me and my family like a bunch of ugly shews. You don’t know the entire situation. She changed her mind. Wants more time to say goodbye to family, including people not in town yet but traveling to see her today.

Good riddance to you ugly people. Thanks to the RN for answering the question. The rest of you couldn’t, just jumped in to give your ugly unsolicited opinions.

You literally said you talked her into it.

I would gently suggest your anger is at the grief you are going through and not the helpful advice you have been given here.

NP - can you lay off the grieving child who is trying to do what's best for her mom? She did the responsible thing by following up to be entirely sure her mom wants to stop life saving treatment. I'm truly frightened that some of you would take a thumbs down to a feeding tube discussion so literally that you are ready to pull the plug on your parent.

Do you have a DNR? If you did, they wouldn't do a feeding tube.

RN here. Not true. I've had plenty of DNR patients get feeding tubes. DNR and a DNI simply refer to measures we'd take if you heart stops, goes into certain rhythms, you stop breathing, or have a non life sustaining breathing pattern. There are a few other things that come into play with a DNR/DNI but they do get feeding tubes , parental nutrition and hydration, and the sort.

Now, if your family member is a DNR they may discourage certain interventions because you're prolonging the life of someone who may not want it, but it's untrue that a DNR automatically means no interventions

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are still here, please talk with hospice or the palliative care team at the hospital. When in your shoes, we decided not to do the feeding tube. We were told our loved one would be kept comfortable but would not receive additional nutrition or hydration. He did not seem to be in pain and was still alert for several days to say good-bye before peacefully slipping away. It seemed to take a while and there were a few days where he'd fade in and out. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so sorry. My father died after the tube feed was stopped. He had advanced Parkinson's, and at that stage, even the tube feed (through stomach) was causing aspiration pneumonia.

I just wanted to add that if the hospital offers hospice in hospital, it may be a good option. My dad was in HIH for about a week, and then he went to an in-patient hospice facility. He died within 24 hours of being transferred.

It was peaceful but still very, very hard. He had Parkinson's dementia, and I don't know how much he understood of what was happening.