Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP it is never easy when a mother chooses to enable her abuser. You could call adult protective but she is unlikely to be honest with them if she protects him. Caregivers are mandated reporters so they can report what they’ve seen but at this point law enforcement options are limited.
Hopefully he dies before she does so she gets some time in peace before her own departure.
Way to blame the victim. Great job!
https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/familyservices/older-adults/golden-gazette/2020-12-recognizing-intimate-partner-violence-in-older-adults
Not the person you are responding to, but I have dealt with the reality of an elder deemed competent making self-destructive choices. Yes, all the links and people posting making it sound like you can easily rescue your elder. You try the different venues, but a person who is mentally capable has the right to make truly terrible choices. Often those in abusive situations lie. Also, there are different levels of abuse. It's harder to prove verbal abuse and the occasional shove. The aides will just quit. They can report it too, but they don't make enough money to expect them to give things like sworn testimony. This is extremely complicated.
Also, to the person suggesting she swoop in and move mom into her home, also very complicated. She cannot legally force her mom to move in with her. Also, a friend of mine who was a geriatric social worker for under a decade before she burned out, said people have no idea how this all works. Loving family members move a parent with multiple needs in and burn out and can become abusive themselves even with caregivers coming in because they underestimate just how intensive it is. Even with day programs or 24-7 help she has seen once kind people verbally abuse the person right in front of her after many months of the elders continued decline. She now mostly works with healthy and high functioning people with minor challenges because she found her job so disturbing and hopeless. People who have well adjusted elders who age well with minimal decline before they pass have no idea what dealing with aging parent issues can look like over a number of years.