How to find a school for my autistic daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop blaming the autism and create higher expectations for your child. Sounds like that’s what the teachers are trying to do but you’re getting in their way.

Are you a school administrator by any chance?

This has been the tone we get from school administrators who think 100% of everything is due to the euphemism for bad parenting “behavioral.”

Yes I AM 100% the cause of my child’s disabilities. On my vision board before my wedding I specifically put “many miscarriages”, have “kid with Genetic Issue“ and “Premature with restricted blood flow, 29 weeks or bust.” And I manifested it. The universe was listening! (Sarcasm)

So crazy, some stuff is medical. It’s beyond anyone’s control.

Grieving and acceptance look different for all of us. You are not alone. SN parenting is hard. AND at the same time, not everyone is out to shame you about parenting. Behavioral is not a code word for X type of parenting. In fact, you don't have to use "behavioral" you can look at it as executive functioning and emotional self regulation challenges. These are real for many of our kids and can make a huge difference for them if handled well. I've recently come across a story (i think on this board even) about a SN son whose mother moved earth and planets and spent her retirement resources to give him education - a college degree, graduate school and doctorate in a niche area of physics. This is where it ended, after he completed his education he couldn't work anywhere - couldn't function in a workplace at all and ended up eventually working as assistant mechanic in a car shop with a somewhat understanding boss. I don't know if this is a SN urban legend or a true story, but think about the end game for your child. Is an overaccommodating educator really what she needs?

[Anonymous]

https://foxbaltimore.com/amp/news/local/pointer-ridge-elementary-school-prince-georges-county-saved-from-closure-to-become-regional-autism-center-parents-students-community-superintendent-millard-house

[Anonymous]

I'm responding in case OP isn't a troll (I don't think they are) and I am also not a troll.

My dd, who is 9.5, seems fairly similar to your dd OP. At 7, she had similar struggles with classroom stuff. But, she made 'huge' strides that year (2nd grade) with a patient teacher who had a well structured classroom and behavior expectations. She went from crying at every change in routine, to being able to move seats calmly (teacher purposely moved seats occasionally) and being ok with changes.

So, those charts and expectations ended up being good for her. Unless there is something else in play for your dd (is ADHD ruled out?) she will be able to learn to sit in her seat and things like that-she's a good age for that. It's ok if it takes her some time to do it.

As to what kind of school your dd should go to-I'm not local so can't help there. I'm actually trying to figure it out for my kid! We ended up leaving her former school after 3rd grade because it just wasn't a good fit and wasn't going to be. She's in a private sn school now but 3 weeks in, is bored and it doesn't seem a good fit either. Fun times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than characterize all these teachers as bad or unkind, I’d encourage you to imagine your child in the context of 25 other children. Imagine that the 24 others also have specific needs, and you can understand why schools operate differently from preschools (usually one staff member for every 8 children) and home (usually one parent for every 1-3 children).

Sure, fine. Makes sense. But it’s not working, so that’s why I’m asking how I can find something else. And see the next comment for what I’m trying to get away from. “You need to teach your disabled child to not be disabled.”

Calm down lady. Teaching your child to sit in a chair and not yell in class is not teaching your disabled child not to be disabled. You have a chip on your shoulder. You have low expectations, your child is capable of more. I would bet money on it.

It’s pretty low to troll like this on the SN board. Maybe take it over to the off topic board or something.

[Anonymous]

Wow, reading your story hits so close to home. I was crying with my friend yesterday and she sent me to this thread. I am glad, because although I know you guys are out there, It’ is so great to actually be connecting/sharing.

My Son is also seven, and just started the second grade. He’s in the same school, but has a new team, after having the same team for K and 1st. I know it’s the beginning of the school year, and I give a ton of Grace for that, on both sides. The teachers and kids need to get to know each other. transition is tough for my son, and I know he needs time.
He has always loved school, and been a leader in his class. He’s super smart, retains so much, but autism causes barriers with communication. He has the typical autism style meltdowns, but overall pretty predictable. I know that is not the case for everybody just speaking from my own perspective.The key for him, is people understanding that he needs to be spoken to as if he doesn’t have autism. Just because he’s not commutating so well, or maybe stimming, doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand what’s going on. Also knowing the schedule, and letting him know you understand his emotions go a long way with him.

I overshare this information often and freely. I feel like it gets overlooked. I beg people, talk to my kid. Tell him what’s going on. It’ll go along way. I’m so afraid of him getting labeled bad, he’s done so well and it’s exactly what I feel is happening in the new class.

I had an issue with some of his work coming home with his name being spelled incorrectly, and not even written by him, but by a teacher. He’s been able to write his name since kindergarten. I just asked in email that at this point, in second grade, could we be getting him to write his own name?

you guys don’t know me, but I was super nice and understanding. The above definitely comes off rude, but I assure you I wasn’t .

I always make sure to let the teachers know that I get it I am not demanding. I know in a lot of elementary schools across the country there are staffing issues, and it makes it difficult for all.

His teacher last year revealed to me, five years ago there was a whole extra position in her classroom that just dissolved out of nowhere. That’s why my son has not been able to spend more time in general education classes.

Another random revelation, she had to register and test 25 students with autism for kindergarten intake, this school year. A record for her, she has 18 years with the school system, working with special needs, 15 of that in the AUT class. She said it’s usually between five and eight students for intake in the last couple of years. Man. But that’s for another thread.

Anyway, back to the email.. after letting her know this, The new teacher got defensive, and then revealed to me that for the last couple of weeks, my son has refused to do any work in class. he refuses to write his name on the paper. He is Ripping paper and breaking crayons and pencils.

Now,I wouldn’t be extremely surprised he did that, or a little naughtiness in general, he tests his limits with new people for sure.
It was the fact that he doesn’t have a history like this in the past two years that really surprised me. Also, why am I just hearing this? she made it come off like she would like to work with him, but he’s doing this stuff. she actually said in the email
“ my son has potential, but” , and her excuses were mostly about his behavior, being stretched thin. Not comforting, it made me scratch my head for sure, of course, I recommended a ton of things also working with the old staff(across the hall) which she seemed reluctant to do, they don’t have time, etc.

my concerns fell on deaf ears, not the first time I felt this way. it was more about me understanding her, and she wouldn’t hear what I was saying at all.

This is long enough, and I hope have done OK to sum that up, but we had a lot of back-and-forth yesterday.

it ended in me reaching out to his teacher from last year, explaining the situation, she was also understanding, but surprised he was acting like that. I explained, I worry about regression and my son will definitely take his liberties if he can, she agreed and knows him well of course. His old teacher popped over in the classroom for 15 minutes, worked with him, then the new teacher worked with him while she shadowed. I got like six worksheets in his book bag complete with name. Victory, and I don’t even really mean it like that, except for this woman was going to continue to let my kid go down this path, and she wouldn’t listen to me.

I’m so grateful I had the old teacher across the hall. I know that it’s not the case for all. i’m so grateful she understood and could be a voice for him. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this behavior because now we can work on fixing it, instead of just becoming this difficult person in school. It’s 100% the teacher who was struggling to work with Michael because minutes after the old teacher came in he was on board with the program. I don’t dislike this new teacher, I think she has a heart for the children, but I hope she learned something.

What did I come here to say? I guess I’m just venting mostly.

I think it is true, good teachers in bad school systems, bad teachers in good ones. Great teachers that don’t have support. Bad systems overall. it’s clear there are more and more children with autism every year, and we’re learning so much more in these days. I think what we understand as parents, the school system is not set up for our child unique needs. I’ve met so many children similar to my son, but they’re all unique in someway. And we know our kids learn by repetition and example, each students set of circumstances, definitely unique.

it sent me on a spiral of looking into alternative learning for him

I have been in the same school system since the beginning, but I’ve heard there are better states to live in for autism. we are looking into all of it. we live 20 minutes away from one of the top 10 schools in the country, but it does cost $50,000 a year so that’s out. There are other smaller schools, but socialization is high on our list.

We’ve done ABA and I think it’s hit or miss. I think it has a lot to do with the company and the actual facility. we were at one with a rotating staff, my son trained so many employees for that company that revolved in and out. I feel like they did do some positive things for him, and us as a family. he got dropped, not because he was a bad student, or needed a different type of service, they actually said he still needs ABA . insurance refused to pay for it anymore, because the facility was so shortstaffed they couldn’t give him hours, he was just stuck between a rock and a hard place and they fired him, saying, we are so sorry, it’s so messed up, but our hands are tied. We’re taking a beat to think about if we want to do that again. Maybe putting our money into a private school(for autism), again, just looking into it. Years of his life are so precious and it’s important. We do what we can while his brain is developing.
.

I wish insurance offered better options for children with autism. As I said above, we are learning so much year by year. I believe some of this schooling should be covered as different types of therapies not just the same old stuff.

I know a lot of counties and states offer voucher programs to help pay for some of these things, again different for each state.