6 year old who hits himself

[Anonymous]

OP here is as neutral as I can be: you are in a dyad or maybe a soon to be triad of dysfunction. The way out is for all members to get treatment. The 6 year old, the imitator 4 year old and parent. Separately and then maybe together.

[Anonymous]

Kid knows parent has rage cycle. Might pick up on mounting tension or have learned to anticipate it. Offers self as sacrifice to make it stop. Ice cold mom, raging mom, hard to say which is scarier. Kid may think he can control the parental cycle
Everybody needs help asap,

[Anonymous]

OP I’ll offer one alternate explanation for the rage that is true for me and you may not have considered. Sometimes when my kid, say, hurts herself by pulling down something heavy onto her head after I’ve repeatedly warned her not to, my first internal reaction is rage. I’ve thought about it a lot and I think the reason is because I’m have a reactive, protective anger at whoever hurt my child. Then by brain immediately processes that, in fact, my child hurt my child, and I pull it together to comfort instead of scold. I hate that that’s my first immediate feeling but it often is. Maybe it’s the same for you? You just hate seeing your kid get hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I’ll offer one alternate explanation for the rage that is true for me and you may not have considered. Sometimes when my kid, say, hurts herself by pulling down something heavy onto her head after I’ve repeatedly warned her not to, my first internal reaction is rage. I’ve thought about it a lot and I think the reason is because I’m have a reactive, protective anger at whoever hurt my child. Then by brain immediately processes that, in fact, my child hurt my child, and I pull it together to comfort instead of scold. I hate that that’s my first immediate feeling but it often is. Maybe it’s the same for you? You just hate seeing your kid get hurt.

I'm not OP but want to add on. I've realized that part of my "big feelings" when I've warned a kid repeatedly about a danger is that I feel ignored, that I've failed (because child is hurt), and I have to interrupt whatever I was doing to solve a perfectly preventable problem (child is hurt). The extreme feelings around failure and a "problem to solve" come from being a parentified child where I felt complete responsibility but had no power WRT the things going on around me. I'm still sorting that out. I don't generally view my children as problems!

[Anonymous]

Kids do well when they can. He doesn’t want to be manipulating you. Best not to interpret it that way. The idea of small children as manipulative is backward and unhelpful. I used to have that thinking too. I have a special needs child and I had to do a lot of work on myself and my assumptions to best parent him. I’m still working on it. Therapy. Books. This forum. It’s work to get out of your own way and truly show up for your child. We are not blaming you for not having done the work yet. We are just inviting you to join us in it. It’s a lot. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like the kids is not getting enough attention.