>25% of female physicians deal with infertility- which other professions have similar highs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the problem that I see in my friend group is Peter Pan husbands who know about IVF and go into marriage insisting that their wife will “just” freeze her eggs. These men are open that they won’t even consider kids until 35+. They have no idea about the risks of infertility or the effect of fertility treatments on women’s bodies and just aren’t interested in learning. Most of the men I know with very successful careers didn’t even consider kids or marriage until they were close to 40, and they forced their partners to wait along with them pretending it would just work out.

Then you go unfreeze your eggs and all of them are spoiled and/or hardly any fertilize and/or none of them take and now you're 42. Oopsies.

Does this really happen?!

Of course it does! Toggle this calculator yourself

https://springfertility.com/eggcalc/

Most women who are freezing eggs are already mid 30s and most can only afford one cycle

An acquaintance who had a proven donor egg cycle fail because of undiagnosed male factor. Other than my friend, the donor has an uninterrupted chain of successful donations. IVF is absolutely not the guarantee or "insurance policy" unscrupulous doctors pretend it is

Just read yesterday a story of a young woman who donated twice successfully, but going off her birth control and on the fertility meds caused her mild endometriosis to go out of control which ultimately left her infertile

Yes and no. It is not a guarantee, but having 3 chromosomally normal embryos provides a around a 94% chance of having at least 1 baby. Genetically normal embryos are pretty reliable if you have 3 or more saved for later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the problem that I see in my friend group is Peter Pan husbands who know about IVF and go into marriage insisting that their wife will “just” freeze her eggs. These men are open that they won’t even consider kids until 35+. They have no idea about the risks of infertility or the effect of fertility treatments on women’s bodies and just aren’t interested in learning. Most of the men I know with very successful careers didn’t even consider kids or marriage until they were close to 40, and they forced their partners to wait along with them pretending it would just work out.

Then you go unfreeze your eggs and all of them are spoiled and/or hardly any fertilize and/or none of them take and now you're 42. Oopsies.

Does this really happen?!

Of course it does! Toggle this calculator yourself

https://springfertility.com/eggcalc/

Most women who are freezing eggs are already mid 30s and most can only afford one cycle

An acquaintance who had a proven donor egg cycle fail because of undiagnosed male factor. Other than my friend, the donor has an uninterrupted chain of successful donations. IVF is absolutely not the guarantee or "insurance policy" unscrupulous doctors pretend it is

Just read yesterday a story of a young woman who donated twice successfully, but going off her birth control and on the fertility meds caused her mild endometriosis to go out of control which ultimately left her infertile

Yes and no. It is not a guarantee, but having 3 chromosomally normal embryos provides a around a 94% chance of having at least 1 baby. Genetically normal embryos are pretty reliable if you have 3 or more saved for later.

1 round of egg freezing which yields probably 10-20 eggs of unknown quality =/= doing enough rounds of IVF to get three PGS normal embryos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

What does the sexual revolution have to do with the defectiveness of men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

Weird take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I’m a doctor and so many reasons:

Our work hours make it hard to get pregnant
When we get pregnant we are still expected to work long hours. Some residency programs have their pregnant residents work 24-28 hours straight so that increases miscarriages
Ppl don’t want to deal with having babies during residency and training so they wait until after when they are in late 30s

So it’s not surprising

When a close female friend in med school (already married) did the rotation on OBGYN and reproductive (and learned of the %s and age) --- she went home and told husband she wanted to get pregnant right then. She was 24. She did. Took two rotations off and then back. Hubby was also in school and took time off. Everyone cannot do that but that was one person's journey. She had one at 25 and another at 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

On another thread there was talk about the lack of men that were reasonably good looking, high earning potential, and both dad material and wanted to be a dad. That is true. But such men exist. They are all married by 25 or 26. 22 may be young for men but 25 is not. You can't do college later. But you can take breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

What does the sexual revolution have to do with the defectiveness of men?

No free sex for manchildren. Why do you think men used to eagerly marry and be a grownup in in their 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

On another thread there was talk about the lack of men that were reasonably good looking, high earning potential, and both dad material and wanted to be a dad. That is true. But such men exist. They are all married by 25 or 26. 22 may be young for men but 25 is not. You can't do college later. But you can take breaks.

Alot of the married at 25 men were in a committed relationship at 22, mostly with the woman they ended up marrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

What does the sexual revolution have to do with the defectiveness of men?

No free sex for manchildren. Why do you think men used to eagerly marry and be a grownup in in their 20s?

And what kind of partner do you think t of those men who only got married for sex made? How many didn’t cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

What does the sexual revolution have to do with the defectiveness of men?

No free sex for manchildren. Why do you think men used to eagerly marry and be a grownup in in their 20s?

And what kind of partner do you think t of those men who only got married for sex made? How many didn’t cheat?

Just so you know, you're talking about your grandfather, great grandfather, great great grandfather, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:common amongst my peers with phds... this wasn't about not knowing. I didn't finish school until I was 30 and unfortunately didn't meet my partner until 34.

This. You can know and still not have the partner or know but not want to go it alone

Yes. Attorney who just posted. Unless you already have a partner you will marry by the time you start your professional training it is very hard to develop that relationship during graduate school or in the first few years of your career. The hours are very long and everyone you meet is ambitious and focused on work. It can also be a very transient time -- you go where you get into grad school and you may have to be flexible about where you go work after (this is even more true for doctors than other professionals because of the residency and fellowship system) which makes it especially difficult to focus on your personal life at all.

The women I know in law and medicine who handled this best all took time off between college and grad school and met their spouses during that time. They may not have married until they were in grad school or even after but they met their partners during the in between time and then their spouses had to sign on for medical or law school and all that went with it which meant they understood from the start what they were signing up for. And then these women all had kids in their late 20s to early 30s at the latest.

But if you didn't have that partner lined up by your first year of your grad program the vast majority of women I know (including me) didn't even marry until mid-30s. This of course increases the likelihood of fertility issues and also limits how many kids you can have even if you don't have fertility issues. It's also frankly a hard time to have a baby. In some ways easier (you are established) and in other ways harder. I would not recommend it to my daughter.

Hot take, have kids age 20, 22, go to college age 27

Best of luck finding a man who is ready and willing to have kids at that age. I know women who could handle becoming moms that young and who I know would go on to finish their degrees and have careers. But even among the men I know who are now pretty good dads not one of them would have been a good father at 20 or 22. So many men are just deeply selfish and have very little capacity to sacrifice for others and this is never more apparent than when they have kids and struggle mightily to let go of things like staying up drinking with buddies all night or not having to tell anyone where they are for hours on end. And you see this in men in their late 20s and 30s.

22 year old men are huge liabilities and you can't have kids with them. Fix men and then we'll talk.

Hot take, the sexual revolution was a mistake.

What does the sexual revolution have to do with the defectiveness of men?

No free sex for manchildren. Why do you think men used to eagerly marry and be a grownup in in their 20s?

And what kind of partner do you think t of those men who only got married for sex made? How many didn’t cheat?

Just so you know, you're talking about your grandfather, great grandfather, great great grandfather, etc

Do you think I delude myself into thinking they were good partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I’m a doctor and so many reasons:

Our work hours make it hard to get pregnant
When we get pregnant we are still expected to work long hours. Some residency programs have their pregnant residents work 24-28 hours straight so that increases miscarriages
Ppl don’t want to deal with having babies during residency and training so they wait until after when they are in late 30s

So it’s not surprising

But did you know? The article says “had they known….” Why didn’t they, doctors, get caught off guard that delaying pregnancy might be an issue?

Also a doctor - didn’t try to have kids until 34 (which isn’t really that old), and ended up needing IVF. Turns out I had extensive endometriosis, and didn’t even realize how bad it had become over the years since I was constantly exhausted and uncomfortable anyway!

I knew perfectly well that it might not work out, but we just could not afford childcare.

My husband (who is a few years younger than me) had a fairly good job (15 years ago he was making ~80K) and I was making 40-50K as a resident and fellow (6 years after med school). But we needed a nanny if we had kids because my schedule was insane and he had a horrible commute (thanks to the fact that residencies are a match - you enter a sort of lottery and it can be hard to get into a program near your spouse’s job). But we could not afford a nanny, and there’s no guaranteed or affordable or extended day childcare for housestaff at Hopkins. So we waited.

It took 5 years and was very stressful, but it worked out.

I tell my kids now that if they ever want kids but don’t have the money for childcare then I will pay! Do not let that be the barrier! Our parents wouldn’t help us, saying that we were adults and they were done helping us on principle, but they almost principled themselves out of grandchildren.

Assuming they had money available, that’s harsh. I don’t believe in paying for weddings or brand new cars for my children, but I would absolutely pay for a nanny to improve their work/life balance and improve the quality of the care. I had my kids at 40 so I already feel a little sad knowing I won’t have much time with grandkids if my children wait as long as I did to become parents. I was able to conceive naturally although it took a year for the first. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been if I’d worked insane hours like a resident. Especially if DH was working like that too and it was hard to be home together during ovulation.

[Anonymous]

Most female physicians aren't done with their residency and fellowships until they are in their early to mid 30s and then probably don't want to have children until they are a little more established in their practices, so because the population skews older, this makes so much sense.