Extreme anxiety during drivers test at DMV

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you knew her you’d know she has more resilience than everyone on this board. I don’t need anyone telling me I’m in denial or that I’m working around it for her. I’m frustrated for her and venting on a special needs board about my DD who is a better driver than most of the teens I see running stop signs in my neighborhood. She just happens to possibly get nervous around old, strange men in her car, a reaction I happen to think is not something that makes her a bad driver. This has not been helpful, not even as a place to vent. I’ll go elsewhere.

What does the tester's age have to do with anything? Would she be less nervous with a young man?

[Anonymous]

Does she have a grandpa that can ride around with her so she gets used to old men in the car?

[Anonymous]

Yeah no. Being a good driver isn't just about the mechanics. It's about staying calm and accurate, not getting upset under stress. What happens if she gets in a fender bender or car trouble and has to talk with an adult man? Social skills and self-regulation are a HUGE part of being ready to drive.

[Anonymous]

My daughter also failed because she got nervous with the tester in the car. She has taken a several months break and will retest soon. My kid needed more time to prepare for that mental stress and has changed her anxiety med.

I think a lot of these responses have been really unhelpful and unrealistic. People get nervous in lots of different scenarios. I know people who are scared to drive in cities or snow or at night. That doesn't mean they shouldn't drive at all.

My daughter understands that once she gets her license she will not drive friends around until she is much older to avoid any possible nervousness issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter also failed because she got nervous with the tester in the car. She has taken a several months break and will retest soon. My kid needed more time to prepare for that mental stress and has changed her anxiety med.

I think a lot of these responses have been really unhelpful and unrealistic. People get nervous in lots of different scenarios. I know people who are scared to drive in cities or snow or at night. That doesn't mean they shouldn't drive at all.

My daughter understands that once she gets her license she will not drive friends around until she is much older to avoid any possible nervousness issues

Yes, it does. If you can’t drive in any condition you should not be on the road.

[Anonymous]

I can see my DC having a similar issue. They work with therapist in general strategies to manage anxiety (nothing special—deep breathing, thinking about things that they have control over and not, etc). Wonder if managing anxiety overall would spill over into this particular situation?

Agree with practicing with other adults that aren’t her regular driving partners (maybe you can enlist the help of your friends to run through the test with her).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I get it OP! I have 2 kids with severe anxiety. My oldest fortunately passed on the 1st try but we worried she wouldn’t. We are in MD so they publicize the road course and I took her on it so many times that it became automatic. Is that a possibility? My youngest is way more anxious and testing soon. He is an amazing driver. He is really careful and has been complimented by his I Drive Smart instructors and told he is 100% ready, but he is terrified of the test. He may fail. I have assured him that he can just keep taking it but I know it will be hard because once he fails it will reinforce his fears. I just don’t think there’s any real way around this on the testing front but this is why it’s important to treat the anxiety. Mine is on meds and in therapy.

[Anonymous]

I was a nervous wreck when I was learning to drive. I couldn’t handle either one of my parents in the car actually - because it felt like they were constantly overreacting. My mom would pump invisible brakes and I remember watching her out of the corner of my eye. Ver distracting! The solution was something like 6-10 lessons (I don’t really remember how many anymore) with a very kind male instructor. It still took many years for me to loosen my death grip when getting on 270 or the Beltway. I’m still amazed that I managed to become a confident, safe driver. Never give up. 🙂

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain OP (and others are not helpful). I assume you are in DC based on your description. If money is not an issue, here is what we did with my also anxious test taker. First, did lessons with a stranger (Glen Wilson was amazing with him). We signed up for the test using a private tester. Glen coordinated the signing up with the tester and introduced them before the test. He then came with my son to the test. It did the trick. I think having a non-mom with him and knowing who would be doing the test helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She just needs to keep practicing. She shouldn't have her license yet

Agree. If she’s this anxious she shouldn’t be on the road.

There’s a preponderance of people on this board lately who think a drivers license for a teen is a right.

It’s not.

[Anonymous]

Find some old strange men to sit inna car in and empty lot while she practices with boxes. Seriously. Neighbors she doesn't know well. You are there just not in the car.

Or ask for a woman examiner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter also failed because she got nervous with the tester in the car. She has taken a several months break and will retest soon. My kid needed more time to prepare for that mental stress and has changed her anxiety med.

I think a lot of these responses have been really unhelpful and unrealistic. People get nervous in lots of different scenarios. I know people who are scared to drive in cities or snow or at night. That doesn't mean they shouldn't drive at all.

My daughter understands that once she gets her license she will not drive friends around until she is much older to avoid any possible nervousness issues

Yes, it does. If you can’t drive in any condition you should not be on the road.

I've seen how people around here drive in the snow. I wouldn't call them competent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you’re saying but she’s parallel parked flawlessly at least 100 times: it’s something about the testers being in the car with her. Oh well

Has she only ever driven with a parent or driving instructor in the car? Can you hire a different driving instructor to do a practice test with her? Or can she talk to her therapist about why she gets nervous and come up with strategies to help her calm down if she gets nervous during her next attempt?