Friend's son is badmouthing DS to his soccer team

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

+1 A recurring theme on DCUM is mom/dad making their kid carpool with a bully because mom/dad doesn't want to lose the friendship with the bully's mom/dad, or doesn't want to be inconvenienced by driving their own kid around. It's all so tiresome. If you can't put your kids first, you shouldn't have had them.

Teens need to learn that sometimes people do mean things when they're hurting and while it's not right and we shouldn't just accept it, we still do need to coexist with them. They will go through hard things in life but can recover. A one-week carpool will not break them. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it's not, but teens need to learn to navigate through uncomfortable times and speak up for themselves without a parent swooping in to shield them.

Translation: blah blah blah I refuse to inconvenience myself. Can't be show up half an hour late or leave half an hour early from my pencil pusher job, those pencils ain't gonna push themselves! Like I said, it's all so tiresome and repetitive with these carpool bully threads

What's a pencil pusher job? Is this 1956?

Pretty sure OP is not a surgeon providing life-saving medical care or performing air traffic control, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

"The boys aren't getting along great right now, so I think we should not carpool, sorry for the inconvenience. Hopefully they'll have a great time together at this camp and all will be back to normal soon."

I would not use this - mom would say "it's okay for them to be in camp together all day, but you don't think they can handle being in the car for 20 minutes?"

Which is also something I've been wondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

"The boys aren't getting along great right now, so I think we should not carpool, sorry for the inconvenience. Hopefully they'll have a great time together at this camp and all will be back to normal soon."

I would not use this - mom would say "it's okay for them to be in camp together all day, but you don't think they can handle being in the car for 20 minutes?"

Which is also something I've been wondering.

Yeah, it's a one week camp, not a year-long commitment. They'll see each other there anyway.

Op, what has your son done in response? You need to focus on equipping him with retorts. Has he said anything to the "friend"?

Maybe the carpool will give him a chance to say "not cool, bro. You know my dad didn't volunteer until after I made the team."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

"The boys aren't getting along great right now, so I think we should not carpool, sorry for the inconvenience. Hopefully they'll have a great time together at this camp and all will be back to normal soon."

I would not use this - mom would say "it's okay for them to be in camp together all day, but you don't think they can handle being in the car for 20 minutes?"

Which is also something I've been wondering.

I send my kids to sports camps. If they are in different groups they might not even talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should talk to the team and shut down the rumor and say icing DS out is not sportsmanlike, and he's surprised that at 12 these kids can't see that Friend's DS badmouthing someone who made a team he didn't make is just jealousy. Shut. It. Down.

This - or better yet, that should come from the head coach.

And meanwhile you tell your kid “you can’t let yourself get hung up on what other people say. You tell them once more “you can believe what you want but that’s not true” and then you move on and ignore. You’re here to play soccer. Concentrate on that, not who is friends with whom, and show them you deserve your place.”

Don’t get wrapped up in the drama. Either it blows over and everyone moves on or at the end of the season if the kids are still cliquey and your son is unhappy there, you switch teams.

Don’t give this further air. Let your kids wear headphones during carpool if he wants but model just acting above it all. Other kid clearly did this because he was hurting and has bad impulse control and is 11.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was trash talked by a teammate on her soccer team. 5/6 grader rec team and she was the youngest on the top team. I wasn’t a coach/volunteer.

It stung my DD as it would anyone. But I told her to prove her wrong on the field. You can never control what people say about you. Just ignore and find nice kids on the team.

This is life. There are mean/insecure people everywhere. Just ignore the best you can and keep trying your hardest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

Your comment has a vaguely biting edge that is ravishingly peculiar.

So does your writing style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was trash talked by a teammate on her soccer team. 5/6 grader rec team and she was the youngest on the top team. I wasn’t a coach/volunteer.

It stung my DD as it would anyone. But I told her to prove her wrong on the field. You can never control what people say about you. Just ignore and find nice kids on the team.

This is life. There are mean/insecure people everywhere. Just ignore the best you can and keep trying your hardest.

You should have stepped in and talked to the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was trash talked by a teammate on her soccer team. 5/6 grader rec team and she was the youngest on the top team. I wasn’t a coach/volunteer.

It stung my DD as it would anyone. But I told her to prove her wrong on the field. You can never control what people say about you. Just ignore and find nice kids on the team.

This is life. There are mean/insecure people everywhere. Just ignore the best you can and keep trying your hardest.

True that you can't control what people say about you but also true that you don't have to carpool with people. This is a consequence for the kid talking sh!t, now his mom has to find another way to get him to camp.