Friend's son is badmouthing DS to his soccer team

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

+1 A recurring theme on DCUM is mom/dad making their kid carpool with a bully because mom/dad doesn't want to lose the friendship with the bully's mom/dad, or doesn't want to be inconvenienced by driving their own kid around. It's all so tiresome. If you can't put your kids first, you shouldn't have had them.

Teens need to learn that sometimes people do mean things when they're hurting and while it's not right and we shouldn't just accept it, we still do need to coexist with them. They will go through hard things in life but can recover. A one-week carpool will not break them. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it's not, but teens need to learn to navigate through uncomfortable times and speak up for themselves without a parent swooping in to shield them.

[Anonymous]

Put your kid first and ditch the carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should talk to the team and shut down the rumor and say icing DS out is not sportsmanlike, and he's surprised that at 12 these kids can't see that Friend's DS badmouthing someone who made a team he didn't make is just jealousy. Shut. It. Down.

That will not effectively shut it down. OPs son shuts it down by being skilled and better than most of the players on the team. If he isn’t as good or better than most of the other boys, plus Dad is a coach, the rumor is not going to go away and would have been assumed without the friend stating it.

This. The reality is that a kid with a parent coach on a travel team will get hit with these accusations unless they are clearly among the best on the team. The other kid started it early, but it was coming regardless if the kid isn't good enough. Likewise, being really good will shut it down fast. If it were my kid I'd tell them to stay low and let their play speak for itself. In a few months when it's all settled down, he can start spreading stuff about the other kid to his teammates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

+1 A recurring theme on DCUM is mom/dad making their kid carpool with a bully because mom/dad doesn't want to lose the friendship with the bully's mom/dad, or doesn't want to be inconvenienced by driving their own kid around. It's all so tiresome. If you can't put your kids first, you shouldn't have had them.

Teens need to learn that sometimes people do mean things when they're hurting and while it's not right and we shouldn't just accept it, we still do need to coexist with them. They will go through hard things in life but can recover. A one-week carpool will not break them. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it's not, but teens need to learn to navigate through uncomfortable times and speak up for themselves without a parent swooping in to shield them.

Translation: blah blah blah I refuse to inconvenience myself. Can't be show up half an hour late or leave half an hour early from my pencil pusher job, those pencils ain't gonna push themselves! Like I said, it's all so tiresome and repetitive with these carpool bully threads

[Anonymous]

Pull out of the carpool by saying it will no longer work for you.

We had a carpool with a teammate. One the girl became mean to my daughter I just stopped working to arrange the carpool and it naturally faded. I know your circumstance is different but you can just say change of plans it won’t work for us anymore.

[Anonymous]

I never say that the parents shouldn't be involved. Until now.

These boys are 12 and you should stay out of it. You can talk things out with your son and encourage him to ignore haters and focus on practice. That's it.

Sounds like mom is delusional about her kid, but I have been through a divorce and I encourage you to have grace with this family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

+1 A recurring theme on DCUM is mom/dad making their kid carpool with a bully because mom/dad doesn't want to lose the friendship with the bully's mom/dad, or doesn't want to be inconvenienced by driving their own kid around. It's all so tiresome. If you can't put your kids first, you shouldn't have had them.

Teens need to learn that sometimes people do mean things when they're hurting and while it's not right and we shouldn't just accept it, we still do need to coexist with them. They will go through hard things in life but can recover. A one-week carpool will not break them. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it's not, but teens need to learn to navigate through uncomfortable times and speak up for themselves without a parent swooping in to shield them.

Translation: blah blah blah I refuse to inconvenience myself. Can't be show up half an hour late or leave half an hour early from my pencil pusher job, those pencils ain't gonna push themselves! Like I said, it's all so tiresome and repetitive with these carpool bully threads

+1 stop excuses and pull out of carpool.

[Anonymous]

Ask your DS how he feels about the carpool and what he prefers. Also, explain they're having some issues and ask the camp director to put them in different groups/teams. Lastly, assuming the other kids are willing to train & pass to your DS, I agree that your husband shouldn't intervene and that DS should let his play prove his value to the team. Game recognizes game. Travel teams at his age change frequently so his grow & skill level is important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

+1 A recurring theme on DCUM is mom/dad making their kid carpool with a bully because mom/dad doesn't want to lose the friendship with the bully's mom/dad, or doesn't want to be inconvenienced by driving their own kid around. It's all so tiresome. If you can't put your kids first, you shouldn't have had them.

Teens need to learn that sometimes people do mean things when they're hurting and while it's not right and we shouldn't just accept it, we still do need to coexist with them. They will go through hard things in life but can recover. A one-week carpool will not break them. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it's not, but teens need to learn to navigate through uncomfortable times and speak up for themselves without a parent swooping in to shield them.

Translation: blah blah blah I refuse to inconvenience myself. Can't be show up half an hour late or leave half an hour early from my pencil pusher job, those pencils ain't gonna push themselves! Like I said, it's all so tiresome and repetitive with these carpool bully threads

What's a pencil pusher job? Is this 1956?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

I’d say something like since the boys aren’t getting along right now, it’s not going to work for us to carpool. If she pressed, I’d tell her what you know and let her do with it what she may. If she pushes back, I’d say that this is what your child is telling you and you’re sorry that the carpool won’t work out as you all had planned.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

I’d say something like since the boys aren’t getting along right now, it’s not going to work for us to carpool. If she pressed, I’d tell her what you know and let her do with it what she may. If she pushes back, I’d say that this is what your child is telling you and you’re sorry that the carpool won’t work out as you all had planned.

+1

Going through a divorce is very difficult, and this would be devastating.

But if it's what you feel the need to do, go ahead and do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

I’d say something like since the boys aren’t getting along right now, it’s not going to work for us to carpool. If she pressed, I’d tell her what you know and let her do with it what she may. If she pushes back, I’d say that this is what your child is telling you and you’re sorry that the carpool won’t work out as you all had planned.

+1

Going through a divorce is very difficult, and this would be devastating.

But if it's what you feel the need to do, go ahead and do it.

Her 12 year old boy is hurting and this is a chance for her to stand up for him, which he will remember. I don't think she needs to make it a big deal but politely back out of the carpool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

"The boys aren't getting along great right now, so I think we should not carpool, sorry for the inconvenience. Hopefully they'll have a great time together at this camp and all will be back to normal soon."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t police what this kid says and he can’t take it back. This rumor seems dumb anyhow bc if your son deserves to be on the team, his skill will set the record straight. He doesn’t need mom help.

But he doesn’t seem to like your son so why would you arrange for them to car pool.

To help out my friend, m'dear.

NP. If it were me and it was going to be hurtful to my child to do the carpool I’d pull out.

OP here - I want to but wondering what reason to give friend who is not receptive to bad feedback about her kid and is going through a divorce....

I’d say something like since the boys aren’t getting along right now, it’s not going to work for us to carpool. If she pressed, I’d tell her what you know and let her do with it what she may. If she pushes back, I’d say that this is what your child is telling you and you’re sorry that the carpool won’t work out as you all had planned.

+1

Going through a divorce is very difficult, and this would be devastating.

But if it's what you feel the need to do, go ahead and do it.

Her 12 year old boy is hurting and this is a chance for her to stand up for him, which he will remember. I don't think she needs to make it a big deal but politely back out of the carpool.

Yep - OPs duty of care here is to her son, not to the lady who is getting divorced and her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband should talk to the team and shut down the rumor and say icing DS out is not sportsmanlike, and he's surprised that at 12 these kids can't see that Friend's DS badmouthing someone who made a team he didn't make is just jealousy. Shut. It. Down.

+1

I did that for my daughter when she was being bullied by one of her soccer teammates. The coach shut it down real fast