Travel sports parents are some cold-blooded a--holes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've never been in their situation, OP, but it's weird you're feeling so resentful. It's a children's sport. People come and go. Families can't adjust their entire schedule just to suit YOU. You are taking this way, way, too seriously.

You, my friend, are the reason why people stay away from travel sports. Not these other families.

Try as you may to believe that, friend, I'm actually not. But draw what you will from an anonymous post w/o all the facts.

You must be one of our teammates' parents.

I’m not the PP but this response seems to confirm the PPs point. Wow. Talk about crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are just mad that your kid was not invited….

Travel sports parents are the same as any others- always remember they will do their best for their own kid, and no one has loyalty to anyone.

I learned from watching parents and situations with DC#1, and it has been easier with my two younger:

-be friendly to all, confide in NONE
-don’t talk with other parents about the sport at all (seriously) unless it about general logistics or vaguely complementary “the girls played great today” etc
-focus on general pleasantries instead “how did the kitchen renovation turn out?” “Is Susie’s ankle feeling better?” etc
-never say anything negative about any player, coach or parent
-never ever tell anyone your future plans - moving teams etc
-never burn bridges even if it is a horrible team or coach “thanks so much for the opportunity, had so much fun” etc
-be QUIET at games other than general vague cheering
-and: FFS- do not get drunk at games or tournaments. That includes at dinners or the hotel if hanging with other families or coaches. Sad that this must be said.

Do those things and you will have no issues.

I don’t know why ppl keep saying this. That’s actually not the reason. My kid is in a good place and is going to play in college. And is in a good place for the team. DC is a top player. I’m no fan of travel, or even my team, but the ones leaving are really screwing the kids they’ve played with for 7 years. SEVEN. YEARS. And the one leaving got LOTS AND LOTS of attention, DM time etc. Coach favorites.

Which I guess is fine. But I was naively surprised. And by the comments on this thread, I should not have been.

You seem incredibly entitled, OP. Your posts in this thread have been pretty shocking to me, and I say that as someone who had seen a lot of bad parent behavior over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been in their situation, OP, but it's weird you're feeling so resentful. It's a children's sport. People come and go. Families can't adjust their entire schedule just to suit YOU. You are taking this way, way, too seriously.

You, my friend, are the reason why people stay away from travel sports. Not these other families.

+1

It is a kid sport.

Unless your child is Olympics bound, it’s time to calm down and get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are just mad that your kid was not invited….

Travel sports parents are the same as any others- always remember they will do their best for their own kid, and no one has loyalty to anyone.

I learned from watching parents and situations with DC#1, and it has been easier with my two younger:

-be friendly to all, confide in NONE
-don’t talk with other parents about the sport at all (seriously) unless it about general logistics or vaguely complementary “the girls played great today” etc
-focus on general pleasantries instead “how did the kitchen renovation turn out?” “Is Susie’s ankle feeling better?” etc
-never say anything negative about any player, coach or parent
-never ever tell anyone your future plans - moving teams etc
-never burn bridges even if it is a horrible team or coach “thanks so much for the opportunity, had so much fun” etc
-be QUIET at games other than general vague cheering
-and: FFS- do not get drunk at games or tournaments. That includes at dinners or the hotel if hanging with other families or coaches. Sad that this must be said.

Do those things and you will have no issues.

You can do all this and the team can still implode without your knowledge. We acted in all the above ways. But when my daughter’s team imploded the parents were so sneaky about it. I had a long convo about the team plans for the following year with one set when (unknown to me) they were in the process of trying out/recruiting for a new team. We were killing time at a different sport practice for siblings of the kids’ involved. A similar thing occurred with another parent who is been friends with prior to our kids being on teams together.

My kid is back with that group this year and I’m not looking forward to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And then they get to college and discover an athletic scholarship means $1,000 in books.

BWAAHAHAHAA tell me know nothing about womens athletic scholarships without telling me......

My kid has an 80% all inclusive ride to a D1 ACC school. And all the clothes, early class choices, early rooming choice, free non-cafe food, a stipend and NIL money she is using for grad school.

[Anonymous]

Families value different things and have different goals for their kids. Fine. Parents (and I’ve seen this play out with each of my three DCs playing three different travel sports) often become convinced there’s something “better” for their kid and then obsess about everything that isn’t perfect with the existing team. These are the same parents who put the value of team chemistry at the bottom of their list so when they have an opportunity to jump to a team/coach that they perceive is “better,” they don’t think twice about what happens to the kids/families they are leaving behind. We are competitive people, but we’ve always prioritized the team dynamics aspect because we spend SO much time together. The other kids and coaches play a huge role in shaping who our DCs become as humans and players. The parents are people we spend whole weekends with. Skill development is important of course (and we do a lot of that on our own to supplement), but, at the end of the day we need to be comfortable with the character of the people with whom we spend most of our time: our team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And then they get to college and discover an athletic scholarship means $1,000 in books.

BWAAHAHAHAA tell me know nothing about womens athletic scholarships without telling me......

My kid has an 80% all inclusive ride to a D1 ACC school. And all the clothes, early class choices, early rooming choice, free non-cafe food, a stipend and NIL money she is using for grad school.

Yet another exhibit in the Types of Travel Parent A——— gallery.

[Anonymous]

We had a different experience with our team: the parents got along better than the kids. The season ended and everyone knows that the kids will try out for various clubs. Each family will decide based on what offers they get after the tryout period. The team may "implode" (meaning that the returning players will have new teammates for the season), but nobody freaks out about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your DC say about all of this? Agree that it stinks they are leaving after long time, but they clearly have their reasons. Maybe there’s something you’re missing.

+1 Op--what does your kid say about this? If DC thinks the kids are a-holes for leaving then maybe the team chemistry wasn't really as strong as you thought it was. Or maybe they said the players don't want to leave but parents are making them? We've seen both of those scenarios play out, but in my experience there's usually a component we're missing (like there's a kid on the team who is making the rest of the group miserable). DS didn't give us a lot of inside details after about 12u so it's possible you just haven't gotten the full story from your kid.

[Anonymous]

Well, our club brought in a number of new players to try out. So, of course, DC and a few other players decided to try out for another team.
I don’t think there is room for a loyalty and travel sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Families value different things and have different goals for their kids. Fine. Parents (and I’ve seen this play out with each of my three DCs playing three different travel sports) often become convinced there’s something “better” for their kid and then obsess about everything that isn’t perfect with the existing team. These are the same parents who put the value of team chemistry at the bottom of their list so when they have an opportunity to jump to a team/coach that they perceive is “better,” they don’t think twice about what happens to the kids/families they are leaving behind. We are competitive people, but we’ve always prioritized the team dynamics aspect because we spend SO much time together. The other kids and coaches play a huge role in shaping who our DCs become as humans and players. The parents are people we spend whole weekends with. Skill development is important of course (and we do a lot of that on our own to supplement), but, at the end of the day we need to be comfortable with the character of the people with whom we spend most of our time: our team.

You are missing clubs that create a toxic environment for some (maybe all) of the players. People will leave for this, and those who stay may be offended because they didn’t think their was a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is already committed what’s the big deal?

They’ve played together a long time. Kids want to play together. They have great chemistry. It’s the last year.

And just is demonstrative of no loyalty. Among other things.

No, you missed the point. There is no loyalty in sports. Not all of them want to play together, obviously, because some are leaving. At the end of the day at any level this is youth sports. Come back to reality. They can sign up for any program any season. Maybe they want a change and to play with different kids after being with the same group for so many years.

My daughter is likely leaving her team this year. They don’t know and she’s not telling them before tryouts. She doesn’t know if she will make another team during tryouts but wants to see her options. I can see one of the moms posting like you did about the girls that go elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Why can't people leave if they feel another opportunity would be better for them? Do you feel like people are obligated not to take other jobs to avoid leaving their current coworkers behind?

These are relationships where you are pleasant and try to be supportive to people while you are there, but they are not your family or best friend that you are obligated to do what is best for them vs. you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is already committed what’s the big deal?

They’ve played together a long time. Kids want to play together. They have great chemistry. It’s the last year.

And just is demonstrative of no loyalty. Among other things.

No, you missed the point. There is no loyalty in sports. Not all of them want to play together, obviously, because some are leaving. At the end of the day at any level this is youth sports. Come back to reality. They can sign up for any program any season. Maybe they want a change and to play with different kids after being with the same group for so many years.

My daughter is likely leaving her team this year. They don’t know and she’s not telling them before tryouts. She doesn’t know if she will make another team during tryouts but wants to see her options. I can see one of the moms posting like you did about the girls that go elsewhere.

This. Maybe those kids want to play together with other kids, maybe they want to play for a different coach in a more fun atmosphere, maybe they don't want to travel as far now that they have offers or they don't want as many practices, maybe some of the bench players want minutes and their friends left with them. There are a ton of reasons to leave and most aren't nefarious

[Anonymous]

OP here. So many assumptions, geez. That's ok, I kept it deliberately vague. But for those assumptions, and the nasty comments directed to me, I do in fact thank you.

It reminds me why my OP is 100% correct. And I was 1000% oblivious about the type of folks on our team. Seems to be the norm. Oh well. Live and learn and we are almost done with youth sports, thank goodness.

Have at the flames.