Is the phrase “fresh off the boat” offensive in all circumstances?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are immigrants and we use this term sometimes jokingly among ourselves or close friends, but I would never say it to a stranger because you never know how it will be perceived. It’s true for a lot of things these days.

[Anonymous]

This is interesting to see different perspectives. I have a friend whose parents are Albanian immigrants and she regularly uses FOB while describing them/their actions. While I would never utilize it to describe someone, I have always interpreted her tone as loving exasperation and assumed most who utilized were first gen and were using the term as more of an endearment.

[Anonymous]

People in 2024 have gone insane with telling other people - even total strangers - what they are allowed to say and what they are NOT ALLOWED TO SAY!

And if you don’t obey other people’s “word rules,” they will judge you and hate you (even though they believe they “don’t judge” and they “don’t hate.”).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am fifty-five & Asian.

Growing up, I heard that term (especially in my teenage yrs!) as derogatory toward people of color so just to hear that phrase now, no matter who it is directed to…..just stings + brings back bad memories. 🤨

Though I realize this is only my personal experience.

“Fresh off the boat” originally had nothing to do with Asians at all. It originated in NY as a descriptive of people coming from Ireland and then Italy. It was never applied to Asians until the mid-19th century when immigration from China to the west coast began. But by then it had been used for various Europeans for 30+ years.

It was basically cultural appropriation of a slur originally intended for white people. It was stolen from us.

[Anonymous]

This is America. You have freedom of expression here.

Exercise your rights!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in 2024 have gone insane with telling other people - even total strangers - what they are allowed to say and what they are NOT ALLOWED TO SAY!

And if you don’t obey other people’s “word rules,” they will judge you and hate you (even though they believe they “don’t judge” and they “don’t hate.”).

+1

[Anonymous]

It’s a little like the N word. White people don’t get to use it, even to refer to themselves.

I’m Asian and my best friend is Afro-Latina. We are both second generation and fondly refer to friends and relatives as FOBby. You used the phrase awkwardly because it was inauthentic (you know he’s not marginalized in any way) and that’s what the DMV lady was picking up on. I know several white immigrants from England and Canada, and they never make jokes about being FOBs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant but have been here for over a decade. I was finally able to bring my dad over and I took him to dmv to get his state ID. I was talking to the lady who was handing out the tickets and she asked if he ever had an ID from any state before, to which I said no, he is fresh off the boat.

For context we are both white. I thought it was ok to say it since 1) it’s directed at a white man and as a joke and 2) there’s a show by that name.
I would never use it towards any Asian person or any non white person for that matter, or even anyone who isn’t my close friend honestly.

The lady casually told me it wasn’t a good phrase (we were being a bit chatty with her). She wasn’t Asian but wasn’t white either (not sure if it matters).

So my question is: should I stop using the phrase completely? Even if it’s about my dad who is white?

Yes. Unless you're talking about bananas.

[Anonymous]

as a child i heard this from 1st generation irish relatives - i think it would be fine speaking of yourself - referring it to others probably taken differently

[Anonymous]

Better to avoid it.

[Anonymous]

In Miami they referred to me as American American 😂 They would ask where I was from and I said Rhode Island and they would say wow you’re American American. I think they meant ah you aren’t Cuban American or Columbian American. It was funny. Even with my husband who is first generation some of the second gens from his culture will say he’s really from x country he’s a real Asian, Turk, African whatever.

The one group that seems off are Indians. The first and second generation seem to have a lot more issues then other groups. I think it goes both ways. The first generation says second generation is confused and second generation makes fun of their accents and habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in 2024 have gone insane with telling other people - even total strangers - what they are allowed to say and what they are NOT ALLOWED TO SAY!

And if you don’t obey other people’s “word rules,” they will judge you and hate you (even though they believe they “don’t judge” and they “don’t hate.”).

No one is telling you what words to use. Continue saying whatever you want. After all, your Dear Leader does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting to see different perspectives. I have a friend whose parents are Albanian immigrants and she regularly uses FOB while describing them/their actions. While I would never utilize it to describe someone, I have always interpreted her tone as loving exasperation and assumed most who utilized were first gen and were using the term as more of an endearment.

Yes, this is our family too. We use FOB as well as ABCD (American Born Confused Desi) but not in disparaging ways. I personally don't think it's a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an immigrant but have been here for over a decade. I was finally able to bring my dad over and I took him to dmv to get his state ID. I was talking to the lady who was handing out the tickets and she asked if he ever had an ID from any state before, to which I said no, he is fresh off the boat.

For context we are both white. I thought it was ok to say it since 1) it’s directed at a white man and as a joke and 2) there’s a show by that name.
I would never use it towards any Asian person or any non white person for that matter, or even anyone who isn’t my close friend honestly.

The lady casually told me it wasn’t a good phrase (we were being a bit chatty with her). She wasn’t Asian but wasn’t white either (not sure if it matters).

So my question is: should I stop using the phrase completely? Even if it’s about my dad who is white?

You are a clueless moron

3 pages of responses, many from immigrants saying they take no offense and also use the phrase.

I think you popping in to leave an insult is the one with the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a little like the N word. White people don’t get to use it, even to refer to themselves.

I’m Asian and my best friend is Afro-Latina. We are both second generation and fondly refer to friends and relatives as FOBby. You used the phrase awkwardly because it was inauthentic (you know he’s not marginalized in any way) and that’s what the DMV lady was picking up on. I know several white immigrants from England and Canada, and they never make jokes about being FOBs.

NP, wait, why do you know he's not marginalized in any way? He's a new and presumably elderly immigrant, with an accent and probably a less-than-great grasp of the English language, since his kid was speaking for him at the DMV. He may be from a poorer/more "backward" white country. He may not have a great education or a great job. White skin isn't the end-all-be-all of privilege.