Mid life. Does anyone believe in love anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am mid 40s and divorced. I think I was done looking for love when I was 28 before I met my ex-husband because I was destroyed by a break up. I think by the time most people hit 30 they’re done with the love thing because you can’t really grow together if you’re getting married in your late 20s or later. I think love and marriage only works if you’re getting married from 22-27 or so.

I would never remarry because I did not see any benefits of marriage whatsoever and I’m not naïve enough to think that I’m going to find love like I did in my early 20s.

I’m mid forties and still married. I met Dh in my mid twenties, got married at 29 and had 3 kids together in our thirties. We absolutely grew together. I feel we are drifting apart now in our mid forties. He hasn’t changed much but I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mid 40s and divorced. I think I was done looking for love when I was 28 before I met my ex-husband because I was destroyed by a break up. I think by the time most people hit 30 they’re done with the love thing because you can’t really grow together if you’re getting married in your late 20s or later. I think love and marriage only works if you’re getting married from 22-27 or so.

I would never remarry because I did not see any benefits of marriage whatsoever and I’m not naïve enough to think that I’m going to find love like I did in my early 20s.

I’m mid forties and still married. I met Dh in my mid twenties, got married at 29 and had 3 kids together in our thirties. We absolutely grew together. I feel we are drifting apart now in our mid forties. He hasn’t changed much but I have.

You just proved my point exactly because you met in your mid-20s and you married by 29. It is completely different if you meet at 29 or 30 and get married in your 30s—that’s my point. I did not meet my ex until 30; he was 34. That is way too late to grow together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Define Love and I’ll tell you if it exists.

Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies and you wish you could turn back the clock to find sooner just to love even longer. Whenever you're alone with them, they make you feel like you are home again. You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. You find the one whom your soul loves.

[Anonymous]

I believe it exists, but not for me. Not in this lifetime.

It makes me kinda sad if I spend too much time thinking about it, so I try to focus on being happy for the people I know who seem to have what I don't.

Lucky them!

[Anonymous]

I do, but I’ve been happily married for 34 years so I haven’t gone through an out of love experience. But I do understand that if you fall out of love finding it again would be very difficult. A FWB might be ideal in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being jaded, I think, but realistic. The heady early period fades and so you have to really like the person’s personality.

When you like the personality, you have to weigh whether the benefit of a standard marriage or long term monogamous relationship is there for you anymore.

I’m a late 40s woman. If DH were to die or leave me, I’d probably try to find a nice boyfriend, but I also probably wouldn’t want to live together or join finances. I love companionship, but I no longer enjoy daily cooking for people or cleaning or keeping house for them. I have enough money for myself forever. Plus I’d be looking for fun after decades of monogamy.

I concur!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mid 40s and divorced. I think I was done looking for love when I was 28 before I met my ex-husband because I was destroyed by a break up. I think by the time most people hit 30 they’re done with the love thing because you can’t really grow together if you’re getting married in your late 20s or later. I think love and marriage only works if you’re getting married from 22-27 or so.

I would never remarry because I did not see any benefits of marriage whatsoever and I’m not naïve enough to think that I’m going to find love like I did in my early 20s.

I’m mid forties and still married. I met Dh in my mid twenties, got married at 29 and had 3 kids together in our thirties. We absolutely grew together. I feel we are drifting apart now in our mid forties. He hasn’t changed much but I have.

You just proved my point exactly because you met in your mid-20s and you married by 29. It is completely different if you meet at 29 or 30 and get married in your 30s—that’s my point. I did not meet my ex until 30; he was 34. That is way too late to grow together.

Are you a parent? I think we grew up and changed the most when we became parents in our thirties. Our lives changed completely. I mean we grew from students to young professionals but what really changed and made us grown up was when we became parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mid 40s and divorced. I think I was done looking for love when I was 28 before I met my ex-husband because I was destroyed by a break up. I think by the time most people hit 30 they’re done with the love thing because you can’t really grow together if you’re getting married in your late 20s or later. I think love and marriage only works if you’re getting married from 22-27 or so.

I would never remarry because I did not see any benefits of marriage whatsoever and I’m not naïve enough to think that I’m going to find love like I did in my early 20s.

I’m mid forties and still married. I met Dh in my mid twenties, got married at 29 and had 3 kids together in our thirties. We absolutely grew together. I feel we are drifting apart now in our mid forties. He hasn’t changed much but I have.

You just proved my point exactly because you met in your mid-20s and you married by 29. It is completely different if you meet at 29 or 30 and get married in your 30s—that’s my point. I did not meet my ex until 30; he was 34. That is way too late to grow together.

Pp again. While I am still married, I have several recently divorced friends and they are not as jaded as you. It sounds like you got burned by your twenties ex. My friends seem hopeful and optimistic with love and life. Perhaps it is because divorce is new.

I have another friend who was also burned by an ex in her twenties, got married twice and divorced twice. She is very bitter and jaded and hates the world, is annoyed at everyone and everything. She does not believe in love and often puts others down, especially married moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe it exists, but not for me. Not in this lifetime.

It makes me kinda sad if I spend too much time thinking about it, so I try to focus on being happy for the people I know who seem to have what I don't.

Lucky them!

How can you possibly know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe it exists, but not for me. Not in this lifetime.

It makes me kinda sad if I spend too much time thinking about it, so I try to focus on being happy for the people I know who seem to have what I don't.

Lucky them!

How can you possibly know that?

Well, I'm fat, for starters. According to DCUM logic, that's an automatic disqualification. Add to it that I'm neurodivergent AND disabled, with a history of both childhood trauma & substance abuse, and I think I'm just out of the running.

I'm a good friend. A great (single) parent. I have decent money and I'm not a jerk. It's enough to have good friends and career opportunities, but the love thing just never works out. Plenty of people take advantage of my kindness, but nobody sticks around to reciprocate long-term.

You don't need to console me; I'm honestly pretty content to just be left the eff alone most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define Love and I’ll tell you if it exists.

Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies and you wish you could turn back the clock to find sooner just to love even longer. Whenever you're alone with them, they make you feel like you are home again. You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. You find the one whom your soul loves.

I’m the op. I used to feel this way and probably still do but feel like I’m becoming jaded going through the midlife post divorce dating game again. The people I do come across are way more jaded than I am and it is kind of the reason why I posted the question here. The sad thing is that I felt like my ex was all of the above (as you described) but 15yrs and two kids later it’s like wtf happened I don’t know this person anymore

But even after divorce I was optimistic and hopeful for love 2.0 but a couple years later going through the tinder verse (more like bumble and hinge) i feel like most of the mid life single people out there don’t really believe in real long lasting romantic love more or less just content with situationships or casual wtfever it’s called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define Love and I’ll tell you if it exists.

Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies and you wish you could turn back the clock to find sooner just to love even longer. Whenever you're alone with them, they make you feel like you are home again. You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. You find the one whom your soul loves.

Barf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define Love and I’ll tell you if it exists.

Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies and you wish you could turn back the clock to find sooner just to love even longer. Whenever you're alone with them, they make you feel like you are home again. You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. You find the one whom your soul loves.

Barf

Yeah, I'm sorry. This is a bunch of sappy crap that doesn’t say or mean anything. I didn't even think this way when I was a teenager/early 20s.