Kid Already Homesick and hasn’t Left!

[Anonymous]

I was super-homesick in college. It was really hard and it definitely didn’t just go away one day—I remember being really sad about going back second year, even though I had a great first year—but I also made lots of friends and was social and involved, and that really helped.

As parent, you can help by being there and responsive and supportive, but also giving him space to figure things out for himself. And I will say that having a long-distance significant other exacerbated my homesickness; we broke up during second year, and I started dating someone else, and that made a huge difference in feeling like my life was fully at school. So if he and the girlfriend are staying together, be prepared for that to exacerbate his feelings.

But also…let him figure it out. Make sure he’s going out and getting meals with his hallmates and joining some sort of activity; it’s so important that he not hide away in his room feeling sad. The temptation to do that was so great, but I still remember how good it felt to be out with people and distracted from feeling sad and missing my loved ones.

Good luck to you and him. It’s totally normal, but it’s still hard. He will get over it, but it might take time. The best thing you can do is be patient and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Does he have a roommate assignment yet? Maybe he can connect beforehand hand with the roommate?

[Anonymous]

I was ecstatic to go away to college but then orientation weekend I was hit with serious "I'll never be able to go "home" again" feelings. Hit me out of nowhere. But, eventually, the novelty and excitement came back into play and I was once again stoked to move on. But that bout of homesickness right before the semester started was so unexpected!

[Anonymous]

Give him train tix plane tix or whatever to come home Columbus Day weekend or whatever the long first weekend is. Make plans to go for parents weekend and let him stay with you at the hotel. It was interesting to see that all DC and their friends did this the first year, they all holed up with parents at a nearby hotel for the weekend. It gave them a reprieve I think.

What you are saying sounds normal. Ackowledge it. Help him make a plan to join clubs or intramural or whatever in the first month. Help him be proactive and anticipate times when he will feel lonely (inevitable). Make sure he stays connected with HS friends. The first thanksgiving when everyone is back is really fun reunion.

Gap year doesn’t fix this. It delays it. Get him out the door.

[Anonymous]

I’m not the OP but my DD is the same, very not excited to go to college while it seems like everyone around her is. Advice on here is helpful!

[Anonymous]

This is VERY normal and honestly, those kids who are super excited and a cannot wait to leave I worry about more. They are in for a shock when they get to school. I was very much like your son where I spent the entire summer worried about leaving for college. This was magnified by the fact that my mother was moving overseas as soon as I left for college so I was truly leaving my home for good. As soon as I arrived to my dorm, I had one more freakout and as soon as my mother left me there I was fine. I never once cried or got homesick. There was something about being 100% only own and in charge of all my own decisions that was exactly what I needed. Reassure your son that his feeling are are OK and normal and that he IS ready to launch and will be fine. That if he does indeed miss home that is OK too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't stress enough that you need to be supportive but not enabling. It's perfectly normal for him to be nervous, but if you are constantly checking in and worrying about how he'll be, that will exacerbate his stress. And when he goes to school, let HIM reach out to you. Don't hover and say "are you ok" , "are you making friends" etc just listen.

+1 I frankly don't see how a gap year helps any of this in the long term

These feelings are normal but these days everything is pathologized

[Anonymous]

There are lots of structured gap year programs with a definite ending date & the college would likely be thrilled to have him have that experience first while deferring his enrollment for a year. Can’t hurt to explore over these next couple of weeks—if nothing else, as a PP suggested, it might get him more excited about the original plan. If not, he’ll have a great experience and then be excited for Plan A a year from now. Let us know what he decides!