Kid Already Homesick and hasn’t Left!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s he doing this summer? Sounds like a lot of free time.

he traveled to Europe by himself for 14 days after graduation and has had the same job for 3 years now. Works about 35hrs a week. He has a lot of friends and a girlfriend. Not much free time at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a rising freshman who is also far more anxious than excited. I think it’s normal and just try to validate.

this is helpful. He feels like he’s the only one who feels like this.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your work/ family situation? If you have flexibility, could you rent a house on VRBO in the town? Could you and your husband go spend a week in a house nearby a month into his college experience? Likewise, you could see if he wants to go home periodically for the weekend during the fall semester.

I am an introvert and I wonder if you DS is, too. New social situations can feel crippling and if he is feeling this way, he may feel better if he is able to pace himself knowing he would have a chance for family connection in two weeks, four weeks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Mine is also freaking out; similar background with lots of travel, going to her top choice school, etc. She's the first to leave, out of her friend group, and almost everyone stays in-state here whereas she's going across the country. She was going to go early to do a backpacking trip with other incoming freshmen and recently backed out because she was so incredibly anxious about it.

I feel like it's a realization that this is the end of childhood -- they can go now and not really come back, if they're doing summer internships etc. It's normal to be freaked out vs excited and feel like you want to delay it, IMO. The PP who had the advice about making a concrete plan for finding help once there had some really good ideas.

[Anonymous]

My husband was just like this. We met at the beginning of freshman year. He was totally fine. Just be supportive.

[Anonymous]

This sounds rough. Some of the earlier advice has been great - getting a counseling appointment on the books and some clubs lined up will certainly aid in transition.

We have a family friend who went through this with her daughter, and it is really stressful for the parents. In addition to counseling, one thing that helped was having a visit on the books so she knew when her parents would be visiting and could look forward to that. If timing and finances allow, you may want to set that up before parents weekend, and then come again for parents weekend.

Most (not all) kids are done with the angst and anxiety by second semester. Hopefully yours is the same.

[Anonymous]

Based on the info you shared, sounds totally normal. Might he also be worried about leaving the gf?

Totally normal just tell him most people feel a bit nervous but what a great adventure it will be!

[Anonymous]

Not unusual. Do your best to reassure him that change can be good. Schools do a great job keeping students busy from day 1 through start of classes to help prevent homesickness so, drop him off, say goodbye and all should be fine.

[Anonymous]

It’s a normal reaction. My son is a rising sophomore in college and is already dreading going back even though there’s parts he enjoys.

I think we’ve over romanticized college. It can be fun but there are going to be tough times as well.

Hang in there and keep moving forward. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. My kid was super nervous especially going to a OOS school where they didn’t know anyone. It was a little bumpy at first with some lonely days but that didn’t last more than a couple months and they love their school now. From hearing how my kid’s friends fared it sounds like almost all kids find their way.

But I definitely agree with PPs who advised listening and empathizing without amplifying the anxious feelings. Remind your kid that they’re capable and can do this And that you have every confidence in them (even if you don’t feel that in the moment!).

[Anonymous]

Schedule Facetime/Zoom checkins for once a week "for family connectedness". Make it an agreed-upon family policy in advance so it's not a response to any specific problems.

I had a medicated depressed roommate my freshman year. She melted down pretty soon into the fall semester. Even though she claimed not to like her parents, she did talk to her mom for a couple of hours every Friday and it seemed to help. What I took away from the experience was that regular contact with home gave her a valuable familiar outlet/vent opportunity. Eventually she found a boyfriend and that also helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

op here thank you so much! just hearing that this is what other kids have experienced really makes me feel better.

[Anonymous]

OP, this was me - exactly - back in the day. And my college was only an HOUR away from home! I was just such so close to my mom and didn't want to go away. I also had some issues with anxiety, though not severe. I always had a nice friend group, social life, etc. But the thought of starting an entirely new life away from my beloved mom was so scary to me.

She handled it by using reverse psychology. So smart. She'd say, "You know, you probably would do just great living at home and attending community college. Maybe we should explore that as an option?" Of course, my immediate reaction was shock and dismay, as all of my friends were going away to college. Me, live at home?!? What?? She just kept gently suggesting that whenever I would express trepidation at leaving.

Naturally, I had the best four years once I actually moved into the dorm and got a taste of independence. Your son will be fine.

[Anonymous]

therapy time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:therapy time

Same PP. Or gap year time (and yes, I have two SN kids who needed "more")