Nanny is pregnant

[Anonymous]

We had a nanny ask to bring newborn and we were open to it until her husband showed up with his “list of questions” that honestly were fair as a parent, but made clear to us if anything happened he would sue us. We parted ways.

If you do consider this, do consider things like if accident, does nannny have 4 car seats, what happens in ER situations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son and I’m currently pregnant with a baby girl. We have a wonderful nanny who has been with us since my son was a baby, and she just announced that she’s pregnant with twins. We pay for her medical insurance and short term disability insurance to cover a paid maternity leave, but I’m concerned about accommodations during her pregnancy. Our toddler is very active and our nanny is constantly chasing after him - something she’ll have a much harder time doing as her pregnancy progresses. Our son is often sick, as is typical with kids that age, and she typically will still come into work unless it’s something serious. However, she has mentioned that she will feel less comfortable coming in when he’s sick now that she’s pregnant. This will create significant childcare gaps for us, especially as he’s about to start preschool and will likely be sick even more often. We provide 20 PTO days, but he is sick with mild colds, etc, much more often than that. Even if we can get her to agree to take extra days unpaid, we’re looking at significant extra costs to hire backup childcare.

Even more complicated is how to handle her return to work. I’ve been reading up on advice online about this situation and it just seems crazy to me. Frequent advice is to hire an additional nanny assistant to help her out, and to allow her to bring her babies to work with her. Frankly, if I was comfortable having my baby taken care of by someone watching two other newborns and a toddler, I would just put her in daycare at a third of the cost of what I’m currently paying for a nanny. A nanny assistant would help, and would make back up childcare much simpler, but would substantially increase the cost of our nanny to the point that it wouldn’t be worth it to us to continue with a nanny instead of daycare. We already pay our nanny just over $100k/year (40/hr plus time and a half), and I’m balking at paying even more than that to find someone to help her do her job. To make things even more complicated, there is a live-in component to this job. We move out to our summer home for three months every year, and she lives with us during that time. Even if she agrees not to bring her babies to work during the regular year, she would have to bring them during the summer. I know it sounds churlish, but I don’t really want to live in a house with three newborns and a toddler. It’s not a mansion, and we would only have enough space for the additional children if we converted space that is currently used as our office. It’s also an extremely expensive town where she wouldn’t be able to find housing on her own.

Ideally, we would prefer to have her take her paid maternity leave with us then not return. However, she is determined to make this work because it would be difficult for her to find employment elsewhere with comparable pay and benefits. I think we legally can’t fire her or materially change her job duties (such as requiring her to take summer off unpaid so that we can find a summer nanny to move out with us) due to pregnancy, so we feel stuck. The only thing I can think of is to tell her that we’re not allowing her to bring her banned to work with her, including during the summer, and hopefully she will quit. What would you do?

She is an at will employee and you can fire her in
a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course she can't bring her babies to work, that's easy.

The rest - be careful, pregnancy is considered a disability under the ADA.

The ADA only applies to employers with 15 or more employees. But local law may apply at lower thresholds, as DC law does.

ADA or not it’s shorty to do this. I went on bed rest at 6 months. I think OP could do something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a two year old son and I’m currently pregnant with a baby girl. We have a wonderful nanny who has been with us since my son was a baby, and she just announced that she’s pregnant with twins. We pay for her medical insurance and short term disability insurance to cover a paid maternity leave, but I’m concerned about accommodations during her pregnancy. Our toddler is very active and our nanny is constantly chasing after him - something she’ll have a much harder time doing as her pregnancy progresses. Our son is often sick, as is typical with kids that age, and she typically will still come into work unless it’s something serious. However, she has mentioned that she will feel less comfortable coming in when he’s sick now that she’s pregnant. This will create significant childcare gaps for us, especially as he’s about to start preschool and will likely be sick even more often. We provide 20 PTO days, but he is sick with mild colds, etc, much more often than that. Even if we can get her to agree to take extra days unpaid, we’re looking at significant extra costs to hire backup childcare.

Even more complicated is how to handle her return to work. I’ve been reading up on advice online about this situation and it just seems crazy to me. Frequent advice is to hire an additional nanny assistant to help her out, and to allow her to bring her babies to work with her. Frankly, if I was comfortable having my baby taken care of by someone watching two other newborns and a toddler, I would just put her in daycare at a third of the cost of what I’m currently paying for a nanny. A nanny assistant would help, and would make back up childcare much simpler, but would substantially increase the cost of our nanny to the point that it wouldn’t be worth it to us to continue with a nanny instead of daycare. We already pay our nanny just over $100k/year (40/hr plus time and a half), and I’m balking at paying even more than that to find someone to help her do her job. To make things even more complicated, there is a live-in component to this job. We move out to our summer home for three months every year, and she lives with us during that time. Even if she agrees not to bring her babies to work during the regular year, she would have to bring them during the summer. I know it sounds churlish, but I don’t really want to live in a house with three newborns and a toddler. It’s not a mansion, and we would only have enough space for the additional children if we converted space that is currently used as our office. It’s also an extremely expensive town where she wouldn’t be able to find housing on her own.

Ideally, we would prefer to have her take her paid maternity leave with us then not return. However, she is determined to make this work because it would be difficult for her to find employment elsewhere with comparable pay and benefits. I think we legally can’t fire her or materially change her job duties (such as requiring her to take summer off unpaid so that we can find a summer nanny to move out with us) due to pregnancy, so we feel stuck. The only thing I can think of is to tell her that we’re not allowing her to bring her banned to work with her, including during the summer, and hopefully she will quit. What would you do?

She is an at will employee and you can fire her in
a heartbeat.

You could but it’s really shitty to do that. Some people have feelings. They are good people and don’t want to screw someone over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I also think it’s insane to allow your nanny to bring her child to work with her (not just for work-related reasons, but also the liability! And what if you disagree on parenting styles?) but apparently it’s common. I think we’re just going to require that she find childcare for working hours, including over the summer. Daycare for two babies will likely come close to matching her take home income, and we’ll just hope she ends up quitting. We really do like her and we want to do right by her, but this was just an impossible situation.

You will have different parenting styles as she is not your clone. I don't get how this would change anything because as long as she followed your rules what does it matter what she does in her own home?

I don't understand why you just 'hope that she quits' instead of talking to her about how impossible it is going to be. Do you know if she has child care for her children? Perhaps she does? Start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I also think it’s insane to allow your nanny to bring her child to work with her (not just for work-related reasons, but also the liability! And what if you disagree on parenting styles?) but apparently it’s common. I think we’re just going to require that she find childcare for working hours, including over the summer. Daycare for two babies will likely come close to matching her take home income, and we’ll just hope she ends up quitting. We really do like her and we want to do right by her, but this was just an impossible situation.

You will have different parenting styles as she is not your clone. I don't get how this would change anything because as long as she followed your rules what does it matter what she does in her own home?

I don't understand why you just 'hope that she quits' instead of talking to her about how impossible it is going to be. Do you know if she has child care for her children? Perhaps she does? Start there.

If she did this post wouldn’t have started most likely. One of the first things she said was to ask if the babies could accompany her to work. I am a former nanny who is a SAHM now. It’s very hard to make a full time job work. It worked for me with PT work and our children weren’t babies.
It makes more sense for the nanny to eventually open up an in home daycare. For the first year there isn’t much she can do without childcare. Most Nannie’s don’t want to leave their children to nanny for another family unless they have family helping with childcare. I also do occasional childcare and it helps bring in extra money.

[Anonymous]

I would worry that my infant would come second to her own infants in terms of attention, care etc. If she is nursing her own twins (or even bottle feeding) is my baby going to be crying waiting for their bottle until she's finished?

[Anonymous]

I would keep her on but if she develops pregnancy restrictions and can’t work 100% during pregnancy I’d fire due to not being able to do the job. Pay unemployment which isn’t very expensive and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would keep her on but if she develops pregnancy restrictions and can’t work 100% during pregnancy I’d fire due to not being able to do the job. Pay unemployment which isn’t very expensive and move on.

Wow and what’s sad is this person is most likely a women who has been pregnant. When the job is more physical you should be understanding. Women are the worst to each other.

[Anonymous]

The pp who made the point about triplets is absolutely correct. I have two friends who had triplets and both had childcare to assist them with caring for the babies bc it was too much for one person during the day. Plus, you have a toddler. It just won’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The pp who made the point about triplets is absolutely correct. I have two friends who had triplets and both had childcare to assist them with caring for the babies bc it was too much for one person during the day. Plus, you have a toddler. It just won’t work.

So it’s too much for a mom to do this but yet it’s fine when it’s at a daycare and the ratio is 1 to 4 and this person is being paid minimum wage and has a hard time getting a bathroom break? They also don’t get PTO and get sick a lot. Ummmm okay makes a lot of sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother of twins I would not be ok with the nanny bringing her own twins to work. Your child will get minimal attention as she attends to the twins' needs. Also there is a possibility that she will have complications/be put on bedrest in the last trimester. I was so uncomfortable, exhausted and huge when pregnant with twins that I needed help with my then 2 and 3 year olds after 25 weeks (and my pregnancy went pretty smoothly as far as multiples go). Many twins also come early or need time in the NICU.

Square this away sooner than later.

This. I’d be surprised if she can work past twenty weeks. Not sure how much her disability covers.

[Anonymous]

So, how do you plan on parenting when you are pregnant? As someone who taught pre-k the day I gave birth, I think she could be fine.
That said, i would NOT have her bring her kids to work. 3 babies and a toddler to one adult wouldn’t meet state guidelines in a day care program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The pp who made the point about triplets is absolutely correct. I have two friends who had triplets and both had childcare to assist them with caring for the babies bc it was too much for one person during the day. Plus, you have a toddler. It just won’t work.

So it’s too much for a mom to do this but yet it’s fine when it’s at a daycare and the ratio is 1 to 4 and this person is being paid minimum wage and has a hard time getting a bathroom break? They also don’t get PTO and get sick a lot. Ummmm okay makes a lot of sense!

That’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that OP pays her nanny over 100K per year. She’s allowed to dictate what she wants going on in her own home with her own children.

Also, the point about the summer house and the nanny moving in with the family for three months at a time is a huge issue here. It would be insane for OP to have nanny bring her newborns with her. And what would the father of the nanny’s children think of this arrangement? This is just an untenable situation all around.

Moreover, caring for three newborns and a toddler when you are one person who may be breastfeeding and recovering from childbirth is an entirely different matter.

OP—please consult with an employment lawyer to ascertain what is legal. Then come up with a solution that will be relatively clean for your conscience and is definitely legal.

This isn’t about women not being nice to each other. There is a way to let go of the nanny in an illegal and somewhat compassionate way. OP-I feel for you and the nanny. Kudos to you for trying to make this work. You sound like a compassionate kind and fair employer.

Last, stop with the nonsense about women being unkind to other women. Nobody is talking about or blaming the dads in this situation. Last I checked it takes two people to make a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, how do you plan on parenting when you are pregnant? As someone who taught pre-k the day I gave birth, I think she could be fine.
That said, i would NOT have her bring her kids to work. 3 babies and a toddler to one adult wouldn’t meet state guidelines in a day care program.

Were you pregnant with twins?

Also, congrats on not having complications on your pregnancy. Other people aren't as lucky.