Nanny is pregnant
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Anonymous
+1 This is a non-issue OP. Like every other pregnant mom in this country she will either have to figure out childcare or decide to become a SAHM. What makes you think she would ever expect to bring her kids to work? If she has brought that up I’d make it clear that isn’t an option since you need dedicated childcare for your children. Also make it clear that summer housing is for her only. Let her connect the dots that this isn’t going to work (or otherwise figure out childcare for her twins). |
Anonymous
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OP, I actually did this, but reverse. I was the nanny in the situation and my NF had a 2yo when MB and I got pregnant around the same time, but her with twins and me with a singleton. I took 6 weeks unpaid (I did not have STD) and when I returned their oldest was almost 3 so she started a Montessori program from 9-3 everyday which left me with the 3 babies a majority of the time. This is the agreement that we came to and were all happy with.
-I wouldn't get a raise for at least 2 years -If my baby was sick, I would find alternate care and still come to work -I had to provide more flexibility with schedule -We agreed that I would use their same dentist and ped so I could make all the kids' check ups and cleanings together (this worked beautifully) This was their mindset: -My baby would get less sick at their house than at childcare which should lessen my days off -I could be more flexible because I didn't have to rush out for daycare pick up It was honestly a beautiful relationship that last 2.5 more years until I got pregnant with my second. I stayed through the babies getting to preschool. The kids are all still close. We have monthly family dinners. I've begun a second career that MB supported me with her business knowledge. They still call me for parenting advice. It was a major net positive for all of us. |
Anonymous
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Of course she can't bring her babies to work, that's easy.
The rest - be careful, pregnancy is considered a disability under the ADA. |
Anonymous
The ADA only applies to employers with 15 or more employees. But local law may apply at lower thresholds, as DC law does. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for sharing your experience, this was an interesting insight. When she first broke the news, she asked whether I would consider letting her bring her children to work with her. I told her I'd think about it, but privately thought that was an insane thing to ask. Then I did some research online and found that it's actually a (very?) common situation, and that really surprised me. I panicked a little and came here with my initial post. I didn't want to be unfair to her, but even if she was only having one child, I don't think I could get comfortable with her bringing her baby to work. I really am not looking for a glorified babysitter, I want someone who is focused on my child's development and milestones and I thought it would be difficult to pay that level of attention to a child when you are also looking after two or three other children, especially infants! I had a difficult enough time managing to get everything done when I had one infant. If you don't mind me asking, do you have any tricks or tips for how you managed it? We're now considering having me become a stay at home mom once the baby comes. Our son will be in preschool, so there will be less for me to manage, and we can get part-time help to assist for the two hours between the end of his day at preschool and the time that my husband gets home. |
Anonymous
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Take a leave of absence from your job if you can. Call it quitting at home.Then become a SAHM and thus get rid of the nanny.
After a decent interval you could find that "financial pressures" require you to go back to work assuming you want to. New nanny! |
Anonymous
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I actually did this, but reverse. I was the nanny in the situation and my NF had a 2yo when MB and I got pregnant around the same time, but her with twins and me with a singleton. I took 6 weeks unpaid (I did not have STD) and when I returned their oldest was almost 3 so she started a Montessori program from 9-3 everyday which left me with the 3 babies a majority of the time. This is the agreement that we came to and were all happy with.
-I wouldn't get a raise for at least 2 years -If my baby was sick, I would find alternate care and still come to work -I had to provide more flexibility with schedule -We agreed that I would use their same dentist and ped so I could make all the kids' check ups and cleanings together (this worked beautifully) This was their mindset: -My baby would get less sick at their house than at childcare which should lessen my days off -I could be more flexible because I didn't have to rush out for daycare pick up It was honestly a beautiful relationship that last 2.5 more years until I got pregnant with my second. I stayed through the babies getting to preschool. The kids are all still close. We have monthly family dinners. I've begun a second career that MB supported me with her business knowledge. They still call me for parenting advice. It was a major net positive for all of us.[/quote] OP here. Thanks for sharing your experience, this was an interesting insight. When she first broke the news, she asked whether I would consider letting her bring her children to work with her. I told her I'd think about it, but privately thought that was an insane thing to ask. Then I did some research online and found that it's actually a (very?) common situation, and that really surprised me. I panicked a little and came here with my initial post. I didn't want to be unfair to her, but even if she was only having one child, I don't think I could get comfortable with her bringing her baby to work. I really am not looking for a glorified babysitter, I want someone who is focused on my child's development and milestones and I thought it would be difficult to pay that level of attention to a child when you are also looking after two or three other children, especially infants! I had a difficult enough time managing to get everything done when I had one infant. If you don't mind me asking, do you have any tricks or tips for how you managed it? We're now considering having me become a stay at home mom once the baby comes. Our son will be in preschool, so there will be less for me to manage, and we can get part-time help to assist for the two hours between the end of his day at preschool and the time that my husband gets home. [/quote] DP. FWIW, I would also never agree to a nanny bringing twin infants to work. I’m shocked you’re finding stuff online making that seem normal! It’s interesting to me, as I had twins and a two year old. Most people told me I’d never find a nanny to watch all three, as it is too much work for a nanny. (I ended up putting the older in daycare and hired a nanny for the babies). My kids are older now and it’s amazing and wonderful, but those first few years were really tough. |
Anonymous
| Would you care for newborn triplets alone? No? Then I think that's your answer. |
Anonymous
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As a mother of twins I would not be ok with the nanny bringing her own twins to work. Your child will get minimal attention as she attends to the twins' needs. Also there is a possibility that she will have complications/be put on bedrest in the last trimester. I was so uncomfortable, exhausted and huge when pregnant with twins that I needed help with my then 2 and 3 year olds after 25 weeks (and my pregnancy went pretty smoothly as far as multiples go). Many twins also come early or need time in the NICU.
Square this away sooner than later. |
Anonymous
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A large part of the point of a nanny is so that you can have things tailored to your kid / your family. They can nap on their own schedule, do the activities they enjoy, have an energetic care giver focused on them - none of that is happening with 3 infants to take care of, 2 of which of course the nanny / mom is going to worry about more
You are not obligated to make this work for her any more than my job would be obligated to make it work for me if I was no longer able to fulfill my duties with reasonable accommodations because of pregnancy, disability or whatever other physical condition. Any 99% of jobs would laugh you out if you asked to bring newborns to them. Also you’re focused on the post delivery time - how are you going to feel when you’re paying someone 100k / a year to not do much with your toddler because they’re not physically up to it. By my 3rd pregnancy, my typically energetic parenting became a ton of popsicles and extra screen to contain my 2 toddlers bc I was no longer able to chase them all over a playground. Tons of parents do that because what choice do they have and the kids are fine - but that’s not the same as a highly paid employee needing to take care of your kids that way for several months |
Anonymous
| Who is the Daddy? My old town one Dad got the nanny pregnant. |
Anonymous
I believe this is illegal (cause of termination being pregnancy). |
Anonymous
How exactly is that illegal if she makes alternative arrangements now? She could technically enroll her son in daycare and he may or may not go for a week and it’s best for him to stay home so she has another nanny start? Nip the problem in the bud now. Families do it all the time only difference here is nanny is pregnant with twins and delusional she can keep her job bring her babies and make top dollar. While pulling at her MB heartstrings along with yours. Not pulling mines though and I’m a nanny |
Anonymous
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3 babies and a toddler is a daycare, not a nanny.
I'm surprised it's even legal to be a nanny in that environment, being responsible for 4 under 4 years of age. |
Anonymous
| That are your husband’s thoughts on this? |