Boyfriend liking bikini pics of other women on Instagram?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

Yep. I'm in this camp. It's public disrespect. If he's aware of your feelings and respects you, he simply doesn't press "like". Can't imagine my DH doing this but could care less if he see's the pics and has a fleeting thought of "that women is hot". It's the action he does or does not take that matters.

In this line of thought if he used an anonymous id to like the pictures, it is magically just fine.

Whenever a man looks at shapely women in bikini on the beach, there is a lot more than "liking" going on in man's brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

Yep. I'm in this camp. It's public disrespect. If he's aware of your feelings and respects you, he simply doesn't press "like". Can't imagine my DH doing this but could care less if he see's the pics and has a fleeting thought of "that women is hot". It's the action he does or does not take that matters.

In this line of thought if he used an anonymous id to like the pictures, it is magically just fine.

Whenever a man looks at shapely women in bikini on the beach, there is a lot more than "liking" going on in man's brain.

The point being that as long as he isn't being a creep, no one else knows what he's thinking. Liking these pictures sends a clear message, that everyone else can see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s not think about red flags. Let’s think about the kind of behavior you prefer and deserve. My husband holds me in my arms and says “it’s not fair, why are you the only woman worth looking at?” If he was liking women on Instagram, would he say that to me with a straight face?

OP here. I dont know, my boyfriend says that kind of thing to me all the time but he still goes through and likes bikini pics of girls he knows on Instagram (not so much instagram models but women he knows). He says theyre just friends, but I really dont like it. To me it makes me think he's fishing around to try to cheat, or at least get attention from women.

The difference between my DH and your bf is that your bf is lying to you. Stop being a loser and demand more from your relationships.

+1 I actually think THAT is a red flag, and I would tell my boyfriend to quit with the fake BS crap. Everyone finds other people attractive; there is nothing wrong with that.

OP, I have an acquaintance that I know through a good friend of mine. Her husband "likes" all of those models' tiny bikinis, barely any clothing types on IG. Based on what I know from my friend and what I know from being around the acquaintance and her dh, they have a healthy happy relationship and they've been married 15 years. Personally, I'd find that embarrassing, and on at least one occasion, a couple of people in the friend group mentioned it (behind her back) and said they would hate if their dh did that.

To clarify, these are not instagram models or porn accounts. That would be a total dealbreaker for me. He follows these women and they follow him back. He has a lot of friends and was very popular with women before he met me and we became exclusive. He's very attractive, which is one of the things that worries me. I think he puts out the vibe that he's open to them whenever he likes their pics. I know for sure how much he cares about me, but I also think he has a very high sex drive and I worry it's just a matter of time tbh

This is the problem right here. Not that he is liking people’s pics, but that you don’t trust him. Why are you with someone you don’t trust not to sleep w other women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

I called him and called him out about it and he said he'll go through and unlike all the pics and that theyre just girls he's friends with. The thing is I've mentioned it before and then he does it again. He always tells me I'm the love of his life, his soulmate, that he cant imagine life with anyone else... but whenever he does this it makes me think it's all BS. I go back and forth between thinking I should leave and then thinking I'm overreacting. As far as I know he's never cheated but I get so fed up with this scenario. I do believe he really loves me but when he does it makes me think he's a horndog with no self control and it's a matter of time before some woman hits on him in a bar and he cheats.

Girl do you have any standards? Your bar is so low it's on the floor. Dump this guy and find someone who doesn't constantly lie to you and disrespect you.

Yeah, I do have standards, hence me considering ending the relationship and posting here (duh). I'm looking to hear from DCUM how big of a deal this is and how seriously it should be taken. I'm not as old as the majority of the posters here so still unsure of what to expect

OP I mean this very gently, but I think the fundamental problem is you have a lack of confidence and possibly even a fundamental lack of self. You don’t need to crowdsource to a bunch of strangers on the internet about this.

Does your BF’s behavior make you feel upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes. Have you communicated about it to him? Yes. Does he continue to engage in said behavior? Yes. If he completely stopped the behavior, does the fact that he was doing it in the first place still leave you feeling upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes.

The answer is crystal clear. What other women think is fine or are willing to tolerate in their relationships has absolutely no bearing on what YOU think is fine or what YOU are willing to tolerate in YOUR relationships.

I’m not saying this to insult you, but you need to grow a spine before you have any hope of ever being in a genuinely healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

I called him and called him out about it and he said he'll go through and unlike all the pics and that theyre just girls he's friends with. The thing is I've mentioned it before and then he does it again. He always tells me I'm the love of his life, his soulmate, that he cant imagine life with anyone else... but whenever he does this it makes me think it's all BS. I go back and forth between thinking I should leave and then thinking I'm overreacting. As far as I know he's never cheated but I get so fed up with this scenario. I do believe he really loves me but when he does it makes me think he's a horndog with no self control and it's a matter of time before some woman hits on him in a bar and he cheats.

Girl do you have any standards? Your bar is so low it's on the floor. Dump this guy and find someone who doesn't constantly lie to you and disrespect you.

Yeah, I do have standards, hence me considering ending the relationship and posting here (duh). I'm looking to hear from DCUM how big of a deal this is and how seriously it should be taken. I'm not as old as the majority of the posters here so still unsure of what to expect

OP I mean this very gently, but I think the fundamental problem is you have a lack of confidence and possibly even a fundamental lack of self. You don’t need to crowdsource to a bunch of strangers on the internet about this.

Does your BF’s behavior make you feel upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes. Have you communicated about it to him? Yes. Does he continue to engage in said behavior? Yes. If he completely stopped the behavior, does the fact that he was doing it in the first place still leave you feeling upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes.

The answer is crystal clear. What other women think is fine or are willing to tolerate in their relationships has absolutely no bearing on what YOU think is fine or what YOU are willing to tolerate in YOUR relationships.

I’m not saying this to insult you, but you need to grow a spine before you have any hope of ever being in a genuinely healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

But in this case, the opinions of others does matter to me. I dont think it would bother me as much if it werent for the public aspect. Our relationship, when it's just us, makes me very happy and I feel like he really does love me. But by the nature of him liking other women's pictures, he's essentially bringing other people into the relationship and that's why i want to hear what other women think about it. Because I think, if it were up to me, I'd let it lay. But I know how others will take it or view it, and I dont want to be a dummy who's ignoring very public signals because she's goo-goo-gah-gah for her boyfriend. I feel like it makes me look a fool, so unfortunately it is the public, reputational aspect that's in question here, and why i am curious to hear others' opinions. It's not a one-on-one relationship issue, because he's really lovely one-on-one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

Yep. I'm in this camp. It's public disrespect. If he's aware of your feelings and respects you, he simply doesn't press "like". Can't imagine my DH doing this but could care less if he see's the pics and has a fleeting thought of "that women is hot". It's the action he does or does not take that matters.

In this line of thought if he used an anonymous id to like the pictures, it is magically just fine.

Whenever a man looks at shapely women in bikini on the beach, there is a lot more than "liking" going on in man's brain.

The point being that as long as he isn't being a creep, no one else knows what he's thinking. Liking these pictures sends a clear message, that everyone else can see.

Right there is a solution to this problem. He should change the instagram handle to a burner account. No one would then know.

[Anonymous]

At worst, he's a cheater. At best, he has an eye on the or and is keeping his options open. He isn't focused on your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Eye on the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

I called him and called him out about it and he said he'll go through and unlike all the pics and that theyre just girls he's friends with. The thing is I've mentioned it before and then he does it again. He always tells me I'm the love of his life, his soulmate, that he cant imagine life with anyone else... but whenever he does this it makes me think it's all BS. I go back and forth between thinking I should leave and then thinking I'm overreacting. As far as I know he's never cheated but I get so fed up with this scenario. I do believe he really loves me but when he does it makes me think he's a horndog with no self control and it's a matter of time before some woman hits on him in a bar and he cheats.

Girl do you have any standards? Your bar is so low it's on the floor. Dump this guy and find someone who doesn't constantly lie to you and disrespect you.

Yeah, I do have standards, hence me considering ending the relationship and posting here (duh). I'm looking to hear from DCUM how big of a deal this is and how seriously it should be taken. I'm not as old as the majority of the posters here so still unsure of what to expect

OP I mean this very gently, but I think the fundamental problem is you have a lack of confidence and possibly even a fundamental lack of self. You don’t need to crowdsource to a bunch of strangers on the internet about this.

Does your BF’s behavior make you feel upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes. Have you communicated about it to him? Yes. Does he continue to engage in said behavior? Yes. If he completely stopped the behavior, does the fact that he was doing it in the first place still leave you feeling upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes.

The answer is crystal clear. What other women think is fine or are willing to tolerate in their relationships has absolutely no bearing on what YOU think is fine or what YOU are willing to tolerate in YOUR relationships.

I’m not saying this to insult you, but you need to grow a spine before you have any hope of ever being in a genuinely healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

But in this case, the opinions of others does matter to me. I dont think it would bother me as much if it werent for the public aspect. Our relationship, when it's just us, makes me very happy and I feel like he really does love me. But by the nature of him liking other women's pictures, he's essentially bringing other people into the relationship and that's why i want to hear what other women think about it. Because I think, if it were up to me, I'd let it lay. But I know how others will take it or view it, and I dont want to be a dummy who's ignoring very public signals because she's goo-goo-gah-gah for her boyfriend. I feel like it makes me look a fool, so unfortunately it is the public, reputational aspect that's in question here, and why i am curious to hear others' opinions. It's not a one-on-one relationship issue, because he's really lovely one-on-one.

It does. It's giving "he's just not that into you".

Do you feel "loved" when you see the red heart next to a sexy picture of his friend? Do you feel "very happy" knowing your bffs can see that he's liking sexy pictures of his friends?

You say it bothers you, enough to tell him multiple times to stop. But you'd now say you'd let it lay? This is really sad. You are twisting yourself into knots to find a reason to stay with someone who is making you feel uncomfortable. You really do need some standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

Yep. I'm in this camp. It's public disrespect. If he's aware of your feelings and respects you, he simply doesn't press "like". Can't imagine my DH doing this but could care less if he see's the pics and has a fleeting thought of "that women is hot". It's the action he does or does not take that matters.

In this line of thought if he used an anonymous id to like the pictures, it is magically just fine.

Whenever a man looks at shapely women in bikini on the beach, there is a lot more than "liking" going on in man's brain.

The point being that as long as he isn't being a creep, no one else knows what he's thinking. Liking these pictures sends a clear message, that everyone else can see.

Right there is a solution to this problem. He should change the instagram handle to a burner account. No one would then know.

Sure, he should get a burner account just to like all these pics. But for some reason I'm guessing that doesnt provide the same thrill for him. He wants the women to know it's him liking their pics.

[Anonymous]

It would be a dealbreaker for me. Unless you're both in HS, or freshman year of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating him? I don't FW liars or losers, he sounds like both. Some thirsty dude liking bikini insta pics is gross.

I completely agree, never thought I'd have to deal with this. As I told him, it's embarrassing.

He's gone through and unfollowed these girls to appease me but what worries me is that he has done it in the first place. He got caught and called out so now he's unfollowed but if this is how he wants to act... I dont want to have to deal with it for the rest of my life.

All he did was play the martyr and manipulate you. I thought you said these were his friends? Won't his friends ask why he unfollowed them? What do you think he's going to say? "My girlfriend didn't like it and made me unfollow/stop liking your pictures". He's just setting up to throw you under the bus, and blame his needy insecure girlfriend for ruining his friendships etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

I called him and called him out about it and he said he'll go through and unlike all the pics and that theyre just girls he's friends with. The thing is I've mentioned it before and then he does it again. He always tells me I'm the love of his life, his soulmate, that he cant imagine life with anyone else... but whenever he does this it makes me think it's all BS. I go back and forth between thinking I should leave and then thinking I'm overreacting. As far as I know he's never cheated but I get so fed up with this scenario. I do believe he really loves me but when he does it makes me think he's a horndog with no self control and it's a matter of time before some woman hits on him in a bar and he cheats.

Girl do you have any standards? Your bar is so low it's on the floor. Dump this guy and find someone who doesn't constantly lie to you and disrespect you.

Yeah, I do have standards, hence me considering ending the relationship and posting here (duh). I'm looking to hear from DCUM how big of a deal this is and how seriously it should be taken. I'm not as old as the majority of the posters here so still unsure of what to expect

OP I mean this very gently, but I think the fundamental problem is you have a lack of confidence and possibly even a fundamental lack of self. You don’t need to crowdsource to a bunch of strangers on the internet about this.

Does your BF’s behavior make you feel upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes. Have you communicated about it to him? Yes. Does he continue to engage in said behavior? Yes. If he completely stopped the behavior, does the fact that he was doing it in the first place still leave you feeling upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes.

The answer is crystal clear. What other women think is fine or are willing to tolerate in their relationships has absolutely no bearing on what YOU think is fine or what YOU are willing to tolerate in YOUR relationships.

I’m not saying this to insult you, but you need to grow a spine before you have any hope of ever being in a genuinely healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

But in this case, the opinions of others does matter to me. I dont think it would bother me as much if it werent for the public aspect. Our relationship, when it's just us, makes me very happy and I feel like he really does love me. But by the nature of him liking other women's pictures, he's essentially bringing other people into the relationship and that's why i want to hear what other women think about it. Because I think, if it were up to me, I'd let it lay. But I know how others will take it or view it, and I dont want to be a dummy who's ignoring very public signals because she's goo-goo-gah-gah for her boyfriend. I feel like it makes me look a fool, so unfortunately it is the public, reputational aspect that's in question here, and why i am curious to hear others' opinions. It's not a one-on-one relationship issue, because he's really lovely one-on-one.

It does. It's giving "he's just not that into you".

Do you feel "loved" when you see the red heart next to a sexy picture of his friend? Do you feel "very happy" knowing your bffs can see that he's liking sexy pictures of his friends?

You say it bothers you, enough to tell him multiple times to stop. But you'd now say you'd let it lay? This is really sad. You are twisting yourself into knots to find a reason to stay with someone who is making you feel uncomfortable. You really do need some standards.

I really dont think that's fair. I get that sometimes people on here want to give tough love, but sometimes it doest come across a little unnecessarily curel, maybe even sadistic or derangedly hostile. I dont think I'm twisting myself into a pretzel- being with him, feeling loved by him, feels easy, intuitive, and wonderful. It's absolutely the public nature of all of it that bothers me, as you point out, and what I struggle with. It's very hard to reconcile the feeling of genuine love I get from him with what I perceive to be public disrespect (of course he denies that's what it is, which is why I've come here). I think a bit more sensitivity or just baseline kindness would be helpful for you in getting your point across in the future on here, if you're curious as to how to connect and give well received advice to other posters.

[Anonymous]

If you can't do better, take what you get. If he's hot enough, it's worth it, for now.
But don't expect improvement or a lifelong relationship. Be ready for when you have to start over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re not alone but don’t try to be a “cool girl” who pretends this blatant disrespect is okay. If he likes looking at his friends in bikinis, that’s fine if and only if he keeps ALL thoughts and praise in his own head.

I’m a middle aged fuddy duddy of a woman (happily married for almost 20 years FWIW) but I simply cannot understand why so many young women in their prime seem to be okay with losers essentially humiliating them in public. There are LOTS of potential boyfriends out there, OP. You don’t need to settle for this garbage.

I called him and called him out about it and he said he'll go through and unlike all the pics and that theyre just girls he's friends with. The thing is I've mentioned it before and then he does it again. He always tells me I'm the love of his life, his soulmate, that he cant imagine life with anyone else... but whenever he does this it makes me think it's all BS. I go back and forth between thinking I should leave and then thinking I'm overreacting. As far as I know he's never cheated but I get so fed up with this scenario. I do believe he really loves me but when he does it makes me think he's a horndog with no self control and it's a matter of time before some woman hits on him in a bar and he cheats.

Girl do you have any standards? Your bar is so low it's on the floor. Dump this guy and find someone who doesn't constantly lie to you and disrespect you.

Yeah, I do have standards, hence me considering ending the relationship and posting here (duh). I'm looking to hear from DCUM how big of a deal this is and how seriously it should be taken. I'm not as old as the majority of the posters here so still unsure of what to expect

OP I mean this very gently, but I think the fundamental problem is you have a lack of confidence and possibly even a fundamental lack of self. You don’t need to crowdsource to a bunch of strangers on the internet about this.

Does your BF’s behavior make you feel upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes. Have you communicated about it to him? Yes. Does he continue to engage in said behavior? Yes. If he completely stopped the behavior, does the fact that he was doing it in the first place still leave you feeling upset, uncomfortable, bad? Yes.

The answer is crystal clear. What other women think is fine or are willing to tolerate in their relationships has absolutely no bearing on what YOU think is fine or what YOU are willing to tolerate in YOUR relationships.

I’m not saying this to insult you, but you need to grow a spine before you have any hope of ever being in a genuinely healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

But in this case, the opinions of others does matter to me. I dont think it would bother me as much if it werent for the public aspect. Our relationship, when it's just us, makes me very happy and I feel like he really does love me. But by the nature of him liking other women's pictures, he's essentially bringing other people into the relationship and that's why i want to hear what other women think about it. Because I think, if it were up to me, I'd let it lay. But I know how others will take it or view it, and I dont want to be a dummy who's ignoring very public signals because she's goo-goo-gah-gah for her boyfriend. I feel like it makes me look a fool, so unfortunately it is the public, reputational aspect that's in question here, and why i am curious to hear others' opinions. It's not a one-on-one relationship issue, because he's really lovely one-on-one.

It does. It's giving "he's just not that into you".

Do you feel "loved" when you see the red heart next to a sexy picture of his friend? Do you feel "very happy" knowing your bffs can see that he's liking sexy pictures of his friends?

You say it bothers you, enough to tell him multiple times to stop. But you'd now say you'd let it lay? This is really sad. You are twisting yourself into knots to find a reason to stay with someone who is making you feel uncomfortable. You really do need some standards.

I really dont think that's fair. I get that sometimes people on here want to give tough love, but sometimes it doest come across a little unnecessarily curel, maybe even sadistic or derangedly hostile. I dont think I'm twisting myself into a pretzel- being with him, feeling loved by him, feels easy, intuitive, and wonderful. It's absolutely the public nature of all of it that bothers me, as you point out, and what I struggle with. It's very hard to reconcile the feeling of genuine love I get from him with what I perceive to be public disrespect (of course he denies that's what it is, which is why I've come here). I think a bit more sensitivity or just baseline kindness would be helpful for you in getting your point across in the future on here, if you're curious as to how to connect and give well received advice to other posters.

This response was hardly "unnecessarily cruel, sadistic or derangely hostile". If you think that's the case you should not explore any more of the internet. You are getting mad at the wrong person. You are getting mad at people calling this dude trash, and wondering why you are staying with someone who you feel publicly disrespects you.

You also didn't answer the questions. Do you feel "loved" when you see the red heart next to a sexy picture of his friend? Do you feel "very happy" knowing your bffs can see that he's liking sexy pictures of his friends?