Newly divorced introvert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't think being introvert is your issue. I think you have anxiety from lack of experience. People who married their first love very young have a very hard time moving on. People learn to date and deal with multiple personalities in their 20s and you were already married by then. Naturally you are lost and you have reasons to be. Even some of us who are more "experienced" are not exactly thriving in this modern dating market. We are doing okay.

My advice would be as other suggested to joina hiking group and just nake genuine connection. Sometimes the best relationships come from friends you met while doing a hobby that you enjoy. Given your personality you will struggle on OLD because many of the women on OLD have had their share of losers and/or relationships that went nowhere. So these women will be just too much for you.

I agree with this. You’re at risk for letting your anxiety about being introverted keep you from meeting women, so put yourself in situations where you can’t avoid it. I’m like you (early 50s, also only one partner ever) but love meeting new people, so am in two hiking groups and have been meeting a number of women through this and other means. But unlike you I’m not tall or attractive so I’m jealous of your situation! Grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me the name of the hiking club you join so I can meet you.

Seriously --

[Anonymous]

Why did your marriage end OP?

[Anonymous]

I am a mid-40s woman, divorced w kids, and take at least 75% of what I read here about OLD with a grain of salt. You should as well. Its not that bad. If you are attractive, educated, intelligent and kind, you will do just fine. Just trust your instincts and be yourself.

[Anonymous]

The only new thing I would add is that you need to move on more from your ex. No new woman is going to want you being in constant communication with the ex, especially since your children are adults and there aren't the co-parenting logistics to deal with. I get it, she has been your "person" for all these years, but you need to find other go-to people like siblings and friends.

[Anonymous]

Online dating is the way to go. I had 2+ dates per week until I found someone with whom I wanted a longer-term relationship. I met a lot of nice women via Match.com, Bumble and OKCupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 and recently divorced (6 months). We were married for 22 years and she was the only woman I have ever been with. We both tried to save our marriage, family tried to help, therapy (2 years) helped a bit but at the end we ended our marriage amicably. We are still close text and talk often but we are both stepping back. We have 2 adult kids.

I have started thinking about my future and I would certainly love to be in a relationship again. I think (at least my ex wife thinks so) I am attractive at least I pass the 6'0 height test and other standard physical characteristics that pass the eye test. I am in great shape because fitness is one my hobby. You could say I have good genetics.

The reason I am starting this post is to get feedback on how I can navigate this "modern" dating market. I am an introvert. I am more a listener than a talker. I am not socially awkward in fact I am people person but only after I have known the people for awhile.

I feel like I have to start all over because my ex wife was the only woman I have ever been with both romantically and sexually.

Meeting women in public is clearly a challenge for introverted men. And my hobbies which are motorcycling, hiking, wood making and fitness are not exactly the type of hobbies where I will come across a lot of single women expect fitness I guess. But even with fitness the gym is the last place to try and hit on a woman, at least I don't want to be approached while I am focused on lifting heavy weights.

Do you guys have any suggestions on new hobbies I can pick up? I am not going to be am extrovert suddenly at 45 nor do I want to be one. My ex was an extrovert but we got along well expect the last few years.

Online dating scares me. The horror stories I am reading here are not encouraging. I don't mind having more kids but practically speaking i am not sure being a dad a few years from now is a great move. I wouldn't mind dating a woman up to 55 but I won't date any woman younger than 35 and under 30 never.

There is a also the time factor. I am consultant and I travel a lot so which is probably another handicap.

Anyways I am just thinking about the future. I won't actively start looking until another 6 months at least. I do have sexual urges but the hookup culture is not for me. No judgment just not my thing.

Go online. Your dance card will be full in about 3 seconds if you are targeting women in the age range of 35 to 55.

Exactly. I know a lot of women who would love to meet you. Avoid Tinder. Try Bumble, Hinge or Match. Use accurate photos and describe yourself accurately. Go on low pressure first dates, like meeting for coffee or meeting for a walk.

[Anonymous]

I keep coming back to this thread to find out the name of the hiking group with single 40+ men. Please someone tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me the name of the hiking club you join so I can meet you.

Seriously --

I’d like to join the hiking club too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hiking club is a good idea. My friends met that way and continue this together as a hobby many years later. I think it helps when you sincerely like the hobby and do it before trying to meet someone. However, it's also worth it to try new things. What's something you've wanted to try but never have? This is a perfect time for you to explore neglected parts of yourself. Try one of those too.

You sound adorable. I wish you the best!

Thank you so much. I would love to learn Salsa. I genuinely enjoy learning new things.

This is a great idea. There are salsa lessons followed by social dancing all over the place practically every day of the week. I go with my girlfriends to a lot of these and if you become a repeat participant you get to know people, it's a little community. And men to dance with are always a hot commodity! Where are you? There are regular events in Georgetown, La Cosecha, Arlington, Reston, Rockville, all over. I can give you more useful info if I know what general area you're in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I keep coming back to this thread to find out the name of the hiking group with single 40+ men. Please someone tell me.

PP. I looked on MeetUp - in DC, the Capital Hiking and Saturday Morning Hike and Coffee are good - reasonably equal ratio and a wide age range. I especially like the coffee ones since there’s a natural follow-up that’s practically like a parallel first date. There are also specifically singles groups that do other social activities.

[Anonymous]

I actually think that if you polish up your OP a bit to make into an online dating profile, you might get some good leads. You’re being forthright about everything and that would appeal to many, I’m sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did your marriage end OP?

Also curious, if you don’t mind the question.

[Anonymous]

I think you'll do just fine. You seem nice and level headed. The apps are fine, but you have to have low expectations, and just roll with it. It is pretty much the best way to meet people you wouldn't otherwise cross paths with.

Also, it seems like many of the women (me) on this thread would love to see what you look like and learn more about you!

[Anonymous]

Don’t do Bumble. No self-respecting woman would be on it after their fiasco of an ad campaign basically telling women to lower their standards and have sex with the men on the app: https://www.thecut.com/article/the-controversy-around-bumbles-anti-celibacy-billboards.html