Newly divorced introvert

[Anonymous]

I am 45 and recently divorced (6 months). We were married for 22 years and she was the only woman I have ever been with. We both tried to save our marriage, family tried to help, therapy (2 years) helped a bit but at the end we ended our marriage amicably. We are still close text and talk often but we are both stepping back. We have 2 adult kids.

I have started thinking about my future and I would certainly love to be in a relationship again. I think (at least my ex wife thinks so) I am attractive at least I pass the 6'0 height test and other standard physical characteristics that pass the eye test. I am in great shape because fitness is one my hobby. You could say I have good genetics.

The reason I am starting this post is to get feedback on how I can navigate this "modern" dating market. I am an introvert. I am more a listener than a talker. I am not socially awkward in fact I am people person but only after I have known the people for awhile.

I feel like I have to start all over because my ex wife was the only woman I have ever been with both romantically and sexually.

Meeting women in public is clearly a challenge for introverted men. And my hobbies which are motorcycling, hiking, wood making and fitness are not exactly the type of hobbies where I will come across a lot of single women expect fitness I guess. But even with fitness the gym is the last place to try and hit on a woman, at least I don't want to be approached while I am focused on lifting heavy weights.

Do you guys have any suggestions on new hobbies I can pick up? I am not going to be am extrovert suddenly at 45 nor do I want to be one. My ex was an extrovert but we got along well expect the last few years.

Online dating scares me. The horror stories I am reading here are not encouraging. I don't mind having more kids but practically speaking i am not sure being a dad a few years from now is a great move. I wouldn't mind dating a woman up to 55 but I won't date any woman younger than 35 and under 30 never.

There is a also the time factor. I am consultant and I travel a lot so which is probably another handicap.

Anyways I am just thinking about the future. I won't actively start looking until another 6 months at least. I do have sexual urges but the hookup culture is not for me. No judgment just not my thing.

[Anonymous]

Make friends. Join clubs. Practice talking to people, which can be easier if you remove the "are you a viable partner?" aspect of getting to know someone.

Go read the thread that talks about how men have very few close friendships. Buck that trend.

[Anonymous]

You could join a meetup group for hiking. But you might want to give online dating a try. It really is the easiest way to meet people to date.

[Anonymous]

Rethink your reluctance to hookup. You are going to get killed on the dating market. These women look good luck they will come with a set of expectations that will make you go back to riding your back before they even finish going though them. I am serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make friends. Join clubs. Practice talking to people, which can be easier if you remove the "are you a viable partner?" aspect of getting to know someone.

Go read the thread that talks about how men have very few close friendships. Buck that trend.

I am actually part of a motorcycle club but it's mostly men. Ill definitely explore joining a hiking club there could be more diversity there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make friends. Join clubs. Practice talking to people, which can be easier if you remove the "are you a viable partner?" aspect of getting to know someone.

Go read the thread that talks about how men have very few close friendships. Buck that trend.

+1. OP sounds just like my husband very attractive, likes to go out and do stuff but more comfortable doing so alone or with a spouse.

[Anonymous]

OP actually a lot of men are introverted. I took a psychology course in college and our professor was explaining why so many men tend to be introverted despite the appearance that some of them come across as extroverts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 and recently divorced (6 months). We were married for 22 years and she was the only woman I have ever been with. We both tried to save our marriage, family tried to help, therapy (2 years) helped a bit but at the end we ended our marriage amicably. We are still close text and talk often but we are both stepping back. We have 2 adult kids.

I have started thinking about my future and I would certainly love to be in a relationship again. I think (at least my ex wife thinks so) I am attractive at least I pass the 6'0 height test and other standard physical characteristics that pass the eye test. I am in great shape because fitness is one my hobby. You could say I have good genetics.

The reason I am starting this post is to get feedback on how I can navigate this "modern" dating market. I am an introvert. I am more a listener than a talker. I am not socially awkward in fact I am people person but only after I have known the people for awhile.

I feel like I have to start all over because my ex wife was the only woman I have ever been with both romantically and sexually.

Meeting women in public is clearly a challenge for introverted men. And my hobbies which are motorcycling, hiking, wood making and fitness are not exactly the type of hobbies where I will come across a lot of single women expect fitness I guess. But even with fitness the gym is the last place to try and hit on a woman, at least I don't want to be approached while I am focused on lifting heavy weights.

Do you guys have any suggestions on new hobbies I can pick up? I am not going to be am extrovert suddenly at 45 nor do I want to be one. My ex was an extrovert but we got along well expect the last few years.

Online dating scares me. The horror stories I am reading here are not encouraging. I don't mind having more kids but practically speaking i am not sure being a dad a few years from now is a great move. I wouldn't mind dating a woman up to 55 but I won't date any woman younger than 35 and under 30 never.

There is a also the time factor. I am consultant and I travel a lot so which is probably another handicap.

Anyways I am just thinking about the future. I won't actively start looking until another 6 months at least. I do have sexual urges but the hookup culture is not for me. No judgment just not my thing.

Go online. Your dance card will be full in about 3 seconds if you are targeting women in the age range of 35 to 55.

[Anonymous]

OP online you will find a lot women 35+ who are single and looking for a serious relationship and eventually marriage. But I think these women though want to have children with men around their age so that could am issue for you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you'd be better off reaching out to women you already knew from college, high school etc? Nowadays it's easy to figure out if one is single. I'm an introvert woman and I'd never online date. For me it's a self-selection of people who for whatever reason are not a catch in real life or are out to scam (free food, gifts or the like). Also join volunteering and other groups in something that you like to do (running, board games, hiking - meetup is perhaps good, even though I've never used myself). Also use networking, friends, siblings, there are a lot of single women out there.

[Anonymous]

Move to NYC. You will have access to so many women you won't know what to do with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 and recently divorced (6 months). We were married for 22 years and she was the only woman I have ever been with. We both tried to save our marriage, family tried to help, therapy (2 years) helped a bit but at the end we ended our marriage amicably. We are still close text and talk often but we are both stepping back. We have 2 adult kids.

I have started thinking about my future and I would certainly love to be in a relationship again. I think (at least my ex wife thinks so) I am attractive at least I pass the 6'0 height test and other standard physical characteristics that pass the eye test. I am in great shape because fitness is one my hobby. You could say I have good genetics.

The reason I am starting this post is to get feedback on how I can navigate this "modern" dating market. I am an introvert. I am more a listener than a talker. I am not socially awkward in fact I am people person but only after I have known the people for awhile.

I feel like I have to start all over because my ex wife was the only woman I have ever been with both romantically and sexually.

Meeting women in public is clearly a challenge for introverted men. And my hobbies which are motorcycling, hiking, wood making and fitness are not exactly the type of hobbies where I will come across a lot of single women expect fitness I guess. But even with fitness the gym is the last place to try and hit on a woman, at least I don't want to be approached while I am focused on lifting heavy weights.

Do you guys have any suggestions on new hobbies I can pick up? I am not going to be am extrovert suddenly at 45 nor do I want to be one. My ex was an extrovert but we got along well expect the last few years.

Online dating scares me. The horror stories I am reading here are not encouraging. I don't mind having more kids but practically speaking i am not sure being a dad a few years from now is a great move. I wouldn't mind dating a woman up to 55 but I won't date any woman younger than 35 and under 30 never.

There is a also the time factor. I am consultant and I travel a lot so which is probably another handicap.

Anyways I am just thinking about the future. I won't actively start looking until another 6 months at least. I do have sexual urges but the hookup culture is not for me. No judgment just not my thing.

So many long, nice, contemplative posts from Men in DCUM these days.

Quite amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 and recently divorced (6 months). We were married for 22 years and she was the only woman I have ever been with. We both tried to save our marriage, family tried to help, therapy (2 years) helped a bit but at the end we ended our marriage amicably. We are still close text and talk often but we are both stepping back. We have 2 adult kids.

I have started thinking about my future and I would certainly love to be in a relationship again. I think (at least my ex wife thinks so) I am attractive at least I pass the 6'0 height test and other standard physical characteristics that pass the eye test. I am in great shape because fitness is one my hobby. You could say I have good genetics.

The reason I am starting this post is to get feedback on how I can navigate this "modern" dating market. I am an introvert. I am more a listener than a talker. I am not socially awkward in fact I am people person but only after I have known the people for awhile.

I feel like I have to start all over because my ex wife was the only woman I have ever been with both romantically and sexually.

Meeting women in public is clearly a challenge for introverted men. And my hobbies which are motorcycling, hiking, wood making and fitness are not exactly the type of hobbies where I will come across a lot of single women expect fitness I guess. But even with fitness the gym is the last place to try and hit on a woman, at least I don't want to be approached while I am focused on lifting heavy weights.

Do you guys have any suggestions on new hobbies I can pick up? I am not going to be am extrovert suddenly at 45 nor do I want to be one. My ex was an extrovert but we got along well expect the last few years.

Online dating scares me. The horror stories I am reading here are not encouraging. I don't mind having more kids but practically speaking i am not sure being a dad a few years from now is a great move. I wouldn't mind dating a woman up to 55 but I won't date any woman younger than 35 and under 30 never.

There is a also the time factor. I am consultant and I travel a lot so which is probably another handicap.

Anyways I am just thinking about the future. I won't actively start looking until another 6 months at least. I do have sexual urges but the hookup culture is not for me. No judgment just not my thing.

Most introverted post I’ve ever read.

So there’s that.

[Anonymous]

What kind of bike you got Op?

[Anonymous]

Consulting is great for introverts too.
No presenting. Not much communicating. No team projects or mentoring pesky junior hires.