When did you know you were ready to get married?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I was with someone in my early 20s but wasn't ready to settle down then. Which is too bad because he was a gem and got snatched up quickly. He was way more patient and family oriented than my now spouse and had parents who were married till one passed.
I was ready around 30 when my other friends started settling down and I was tired of dating. However, I think I was more impressed by how fun and exciting he was and I didn't think hard enough about his divorced parents and the multiple addictions of family members, which has come to fruition as he is an addict too and has very few skills when it comes to being kind and patient in marriage or helping out at home, his dad is a complete loser. Look long and hard if you like their family of origin and they have qualities you want in a spouse. |
Anonymous
|
It's an interestingly phrased question because it can mean when did you know you were ready to marry your spouse or when did you know you were ready, in general, to be married.
I didn't get serious about anyone (but also didn't really date much) until I met my spouse. There were some very specific things I was looking for in a partner in terms of lifestyle and values, and he ticked all the boxes. I knew within a month or so of our first date that there was a very good chance we would get married. |
Anonymous
OP Here: This is exactly what I mean on the question! I have checked all my boxes that I objectively wanted before marriage (finish undergrad, finish grad school, pay off all debt, promote to a certain level, hit a certain net worth), and I've dated casually the last ~10 years. A couple people, looking back, that would have been incredible spouses but just not the right time. I got out of a long relationship last year because 1) I couldn't see myself marrying that person and 2) i didn't really know if I wanted marriage period. Now I'm rethinking it all. What *really* matters in a spouse? Being in my 30's, the choices are much fewer. The qualities and must-haves seem like a far stretch, and I just dont have the interest in stringing along anyone that I dont think is right for me. I feel like im in the "i can do it all myself but life would be so much more fun with someone to enjoy the chaos with". |
Anonymous
I was 26 and realized I had done all the single things I wanted to do. I think started dating more seriously AND did some really hard thinking about myself. When I met my husband it was a slow burn very comfortable thing. I really tried hard to be objective about who I am and what I valued in life. I’m still not a 100% sure but spending some time thinking about who I really am (a vanilla homebody who likes to bake read and hike and wanted kids) and who I presented to the world as a single person (loves going out to clubs and traveling) weren’t really the same. It took me a while in my early 20s to figure that out. Met my husband at 27 and got married at 30- it is been pretty good for 16 years. 
|
Anonymous
| We’d been living together 4 yrs and I felt it was time to level up or leave because we were stagnant. I didn’t say anything to him about it but he decided he needed to ‘lock me in’ because I’m a good catch. Neither of us had ever planned to get married when we met. |
Anonymous
| I think around menarche, could be biological , conditioning by romance novels or movies. |
Anonymous
|
Honestly, when I got married, I wasn’t ready. I had to mature quickly. I was only 22.
It worked out and I’m happy I married my husband though. I don’t regret saying yes. |